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The theory of landmarking has been challenged quite a bit recently. What makes a landmark? Is it only in the eye of the beholder, or is there some intangible mark that must be reached before a certain post can be called a "landmark"? Is it a number, a duration, or some combination of the two?

Obviously, I'm going with the last option.

But now that I've pinpointed the when, what on earth am I supposed to say? I'm quite obviously not one of the most prolific or verbose people around (or programs, if some are to be believed...). I am, however, one of the eldest regular members (where regular means posting more than once every few months). I think this is where I do some sort of pontification on how the broad sweeps of time have affected Hatrack - filled with ancient anecdotes which only a few here would understand, let alone remember. This might also be where I would discuss the reasons for doubling my post rate.

I don't think I want to do that.

I could go to the other landmark standby - an update on my life: all the tragedies, trials and tribble-ations which I've endured in the two years since my last landmark. I might let people know what I've been doing, who on Hatrack I've met, where I've gone and such human interest topics.

Unfortunately, I've not had crises or tragedies - let alone Tribbles - and my life is sadly quite boring.

So what do I do? How do I keep people reading this?

Curiously enough, that's why I don't post more. I have a desire to be relevant and to contribute to discussions without being repetitive. This is hard to do when one is surrounded by so many brilliant (or speedy or over-zealous) people. In one of life's little ironies, I know I've had this exact discussion here on Hatrack - and here I am claiming I don't want to be repetitive. I do, however, think this merits repeating... but I think you might start to see the problem.

I primarily blame you lot for being too darn good. Smart. Witty. Fast. Whatever!

I do also blame my self-confidence issues. I have an interesting form of low self-confidence: delayed. I can best explain it by illustrating it. Let's take, for example, a big final approaching, and it's a tough one. Maybe I study for it, but more than likely not. I don't get stressed about the lack of studying or about the fact that there's a test in a couple days/hours/minutes, let alone about tests in general. I walk into the exam with a rather cocky attitude, but less than 5% of said attitude is faked. At this point, I know I can (and will) do well. I take the test very quickly, turn it in amid harsh glares from the rest of the class, and leave. I'm maybe halfway down the hall when the anxiety hits. Every nervous twitch, every slightly queasy feeling, every doubt I should have had before the test hits me immediately after. It's nauseating at times - and lasts until I get the exam back (or until I get drunk enough to forget the exam existed, but that's another scenario and set of problems entirely).

I don't know why this happens, but it invariably does. As for its relation to my less-than-astronomical posting rate, well, I think I care too much about the last impression I make on people. It's said that the first impression is the most important, but I'm significantly more concerned with the most recent. A teacher could have had me in class for a semester, and I'll be more worried about what s/he'll think of me after the one last exam than my behaviour and work during the semester. The same thing applies here - you may have known (of) me for six years now and formulated opinions of me which I can't change, but it's the most recent thoughts you have about me which bother me the most.

I'm sure someone will tell me that I shouldn't care what people think of me - especially people I've never met. Please don't. I get annoyed when you tell other people this, and I don't want to see my reaction when you tell me. Is it so wrong to want to create a positive lasting image of yourself to people whom you respect and whose respect you wish to earn? I don't believe so, and that's why I have such an issue, but only after the fact.

In summary, that's why I don't post much. That's also why, when I do post, they're... somewhat lacking in substance. It might also be parts apathy and fear, but no one's been forcing me to come back nearly every day for over six years. Nope, no compulsion. Just a geniune desire to learn from and about the many wonderful people here.

And even the not-so-wonderful ones.

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Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999  |  IP: Logged |