posted
So this afternoon, Lindsay and i got back from a party and i found an IM waiting for me on my computer screen. It was from a very elusive friend i've been trying to catch up with for quite some time. It's a relationship that never had any closure and has caused me quite a bit of discomfort as a well. I just like closure. So i start reading it to find that it was her boyfriend using her screenname that she'd left on. He wanted to know the truth of our history. I was unclear what he wanted, uncomfortable with hte very situation and not knowing what to do, and i was about to blow him off when he sent "she said you hit her once when she wouldnt have sex with you and that you like used her fear of you against her so she had to have sex w you anyway thats what she told me also i think she said you made some movies of her she really wants back". This floored me. It was the most ridiculous and discomforting accusation i've ever received. So i expressed my surprise and disgust, and set the record straight. I'm a pacifist that has NEVER raised a hand in anger or rage at anybody. The worst i've done was kick a ceiling (all by myself) and yelled. I've never made obscene videos of ANYBODY, and never forced myself on anybody, ever.
So i told him all of this, told him how we met and my interaction with her and her family and friends. The rift i cause, the way things patched up, etc.
I'm sure it's a he said/she said at this point, but the severity of this accusation seriously took me for a ride. He said he didnt suspect that it was true, she didnt tell him hte truth about things, and he didnt know what to believe because her friends always said i was cool in their book. But she somehow developed this hatred of me and i'm not sure if she's delusional or just looking to play the victim or what. But this certainly didnt help me in my "wanting closure". not that i was pursuing said closure very hard. but man, this is just farked.
posted
You will never win in this situation. You've said your piece, given your side of it. Let it go. For whatever reason, she has chosen to go down a path that includes lying about her past and you play a role in that fantasy. For what it's worth, you should just be happy to be well out of it.
My advice is to stay that way. Simply put, if either of them try to contact you again, you should immediately sever the connection and tell them that if they would like the name of a lawyer to contact, you'll hire one for them to go through.
posted
yea i'm pretty certain it was not bridget. even if it was, i don't think that changes the conversation or situation any.
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
Eww, that's pretty yucky. Watch out for stalking behaviors. I second the 20' pole suggestion. Sorry, Ben.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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You have my sympathies Ben. It's really frustrating (to put it mildly) when you find out people are spreading some pretty vicious lies about you and you are unable to do anything about it.
Do you and your ex still have any mutual friends?
As Bob said, there's really nothing more that you can do except take comfort in knowing that her current boyfriend and her other friends know the truth about you, and they probably also have realized by now that she's a freak.
Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
I think it changes the conversation only in a matter of degree. I mean, taking it as a given (and I do) that these accusations are, to use the clinical term, freaking nuts, she's clearly both delusional and looking to play the victim.
The second part, whether concious or not, still equates to her wanting to play the victim. If it's the product of some delusion, well, it still means that her method of acting out is to play the victim.
Anyway, the sitution sucks. Sorry that it's happened to you I'm not sure if I'd suggest you be happy to be free of it-but really, I'm happy you're free of it, and I don't even know you! Heh. But Bob's advice is spot on. There's nothing you can conceivably do in this situation to improve things. Any course of action-even isolationism with regards to her-will have negative repurcussions.
But having no contact at all with her or communicating in any way to her will have the least crappy repurcussions.
Sorry, man.
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Oh, and kick her ass, Ophelia Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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That's good that you don't have any mutual friends or contacts because it will be that much easier to just put this all in the past.
It's actually probably a very good thing that you're not in a relationship with this person, since she's kinda crazy and all.
Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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When I was in college, a girl I briefly dated -- with whom I'd never had sex -- accused me of raping her. We'd broken up a week or so earlier, mainly because she was psychotic, and I was dismayed to see the entire machinery descend upon me with the presumption that an accusation of this sort was so sordid and serious and shameful that it must be honest.
I won't go into details, except to say that I was eventually exonerated -- but, yeah, there were people I considered friends who never trusted me again, because they couldn't bring themselves to disbelieve her.
Ultimately, you are who you are. Who other people think you are has no bearing upon the reality.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Those sort of accusations make me so mad--not just because it is obviously a horrible disservice to the accused, although that is reason enough on its own, but because it does just as great a disservice to people who actually are victims of rape and/or domestic violence. Rape can be hard enough to prove as it is, and women like that only make it harder.
Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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yea, i think Bob is right. i should just stay the hell away from this whole thing. but it still took me for quite an emotionally confusing ride this evening.
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Yeah, that kind of thing sucks. At least it's somewhat limited though. I had a female friend who after an argument spread rumors that I was doing things with a webcam and then provided pictures of said actions (all of which were clearly faked). It took me a few months to get past that.
Posts: 1960 | Registered: May 2005
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2. If she has more than one friend that is certifiable... She's not "The One"
3. If she Gossips/Spreads rumors... She's not "The One"
4. If she isn't more sane than me... She's not "The One"
Sorry about your bad luck man... just ask any of the people on here that know me in real life, I've dated almost all nut cases (Raia being the one exception)... They never change... They never get better... and they always claim they "are different now."
Posts: 1094 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:No, now I hit her. Since I'm the one who's not a pacifist.
I think you can get arrested for that.
But I'll lend you Emma if you want, she apparently kicks on Ben's command, I bet she'd hit on command, too. And she's too young to get arrested. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Just be happy there weren't any children involved, that would make it worse. 90% of the law protects the woman if she decided to tell the police the same stories that she has told her "boyfriend". Thank God that the court systems can see through BS 98% of the time...
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I'll pile on and endorse Bob's advice, too. If, for whatever reason, she craves drama and misery so much that she has to invent it, you can't control it, but you can insist that she act out someplace besides your life.
Posts: 74 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I'm not sure if I'd suggest you be happy to be free of it-but really, I'm happy you're free of it, and I don't even know you! Heh. But Bob's advice is spot on. There's nothing you can conceivably do in this situation to improve things. Any course of action-even isolationism with regards to her-will have negative repurcussions.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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