posted
Here's the thing: most of my friends who have kids use female OB/GYNs. I need recommendations for male OB/GYNs in my area. My mom hasn't had a kid in 20 years, and she's no longer working in direct contact with OB/GYNs. I'm going to ask my dad, even though he's not either; he will probably ask around at work.
Then begins the process of calling all those whom I got recommendations for and asking whether they accept Medi-Cal, what their hours are, and where they're located. That should weed out most of the rest of them. *sigh*
But the initial process, finding recommendations from women who have actually had babies and used these doctors: does anyone have any resources you can refer me to? I'm in the L.A. area. (Personal recommendations also welcome.)
posted
I don't know of any. That's why I'm asking.
Really, though, what I would like are individual, personal accounts of experiences. Like a website where you can rate your doctor or something? Or else just suggestions on what to do.
I could even do my own research if I knew how to find out c-section rates, philosophies, policies, etc. without calling each and every individual OB within a 25 mile radius. :|
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I have a problem interacting with female doctors in a professional relationship (although I love them as people!) It dates to several childhood experiences and my relationships with my parents.
Yeah, my card came today so I can call a doctor and get some care! Yay!
I have asked around. All my friends' and church acquaintances' recommendations are for female doctors, except one who is 30 miles away and two who are no longer accepting new patients-- one's retiring in a few months, and one is closing up his OB practice because of economics. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Call the two male ob/gyn who were suggested and ask for their personal recommendations; they have to be handing their patients off to someone, and if they're good doctors I'm sure they're being very conscientious about who they hand people off to. At least some of their patients must also prefer male ob/gyns, especially since it sounds like there aren't very many in your area.
Actually, I would do that with any of the female ob/gyns who came highly recommended too; call their office and explain that you've heard they're great, but really want to work with a male doctor, and ask who they'd suggest.
Posts: 471 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
If the local hospital has an Ask a Nurse hotline number, or something along those lines, call and ask the nurse if they know anyone good.
Or reconsider giving a new female gynecologist another chance. As time goes on you're going to have a harder and harder time finding a male OB/gyn. In 20 years you might not even have a choice anymore. You can fight hard for the next 20 years to find and keep good male OBs, or just fight hard now to overcome your problems with women doctors. You'll have an easier time in the long run if you do it now. You won't have to put up with the vomiting as long, either, if you don't have to research male doctors. Not to mention that when you go in for visits and for your delivery there is a good chance you'll have to deal with a random lady doctor on call anyway.
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posted
I don't mind seeing a female doctor for my cold any more. But I still never ever want a female gynecologist. Ever. At least that's how I feel right now; it took about 10 years to get to the point where I was okay seeing a female doctor at all, so maybe in 20 years I'll be fine with a female gynecologist. And I managed to find a group of older doctors last time who were all male, had individual practices, and shared practices to be on-call every third weekend. I'm hoping to find something like that again *crosses fingers* . Because I have a feeling that if I am in labor and a female doctor comes in, I will refuse to be in the room with her.
Interestingly enough, I have no problem with female nurses/nurse practitioners. Maybe I should look into a CNM. Will I have a problem getting an epidural if my primary provider is a CNM, Theaca? I won't, right, as long as I deliver at a hospital? What about induction? I'm hoping not to be induced again, but what if I need to? Do CNMs ever work in conjunction with specific OB/GYNs?
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posted
"Because I have a feeling that if I am in labor and a female doctor comes in, I will refuse to be in the room with her."
Then I STRONGLY suggest you work on your feelings now. And if you are actually having PTSD over this then you should consider counselling for it. Because you have been extraordinarily lucky so far.
I don't know what a CNM is, but if you mean nurse midwife, I suspect it varies greatly depending on the state and hospital. My friend Liz is a gyn with Kaiser, she complains the midwives get all the easy, fun deliveries and she gets stuck with all the complicated ones. Sometimes she gets jealous. So that's a good sign that they play a good role in California sometimes.
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As for my issues: I have had counseling about it. I did not do well with it. (Have I mentioned that I don't trust counselors in general? ) It is slowly getting better, as I said. I think if I was at the "point of no return", so to speak-- in transition-- I'd be okay as long as whoever it was got the baby OUT. So if the CNM worked with a female OB whom I had met and had no specific bad feelings about, I'd be okay if she had to be called in. But if a female doctor came in near the beginning of my labor, I'd walk out the door. Because I get extremely irrational while in labor.
Has anyone used a CNM in CA before? What was your experience?
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posted
Yes, but you aren't as irrational NOW. And if you fix it now you won't have anything to be irrational about at 9 months. Sounds a lot less volatile to me. Just keep it in mind, as you look for a practice that might not exist within 50 miles.
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posted
Now is not a good time for me to be going to counselling.
I know there are CNMs nearby. I also know there are plenty of male OB/GYNs within 20 miles; I just have a bunch of friends who have never considered anything but a female OB/GYN.
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posted
Theaca, I hope you know I'm not grumping at you. I appreciate your concern and advice.
The only therapist I've had that I ever trusted at all was through LDS Family Services, and even just seeing him I had a recurrence of my nightmares and sleepwalking, which are, I'm pretty sure, as symptom of my severe anxiety about seeing therapists (when I sleepwalk, I do things like go get knives and try to kill people in my dreams, or walk out into the street.) I just can't deal with that again right now.
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posted
I agree wholeheartedly with the Ask a Nurse idea. I would even try just calling Labor and Delivery units at local hospitals and seeing if the nurses will recommend someone. They usually know who the best doctors are and are happy to help (my NICU nurses have given me pediatrician recommendations - the leading candidate is a former neonate).
quote:Or used a CNM, period, but had an epidural or other pain control administered?
I went with a CNM last time, but went natural. But my sis-in-law went with the same CNMs and had an epidural. They are totally flexible either way, in my experience.
You'd be more likely to get "opposition" to medication from a CPM (Certified Professional Midwife) because their whole outlook is definitely weighted to the natural. CNMs, since their first training is in nursing, will tend to be more "friendly" with the way the Medical World does things. Seems to me their focus is on making the birth the way *you* want it to be, rather than imposing preconceived notions on you.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I'd also ask the hospitals if they allow CNMs to preside over births. They don't in Richmond (and possibly the rest of VA - I'm not sure), so you don't get an epidural (or a hospital birth) with a CNM here.
It's caused a big uproar, but hospitals just can't afford the higher insurance premiums that come with CNMs having privileges.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Theaca: Or reconsider giving a new female gynecologist another chance. As time goes on you're going to have a harder and harder time finding a male OB/gyn. In 20 years you might not even have a choice anymore.
Not to get personal, but is this likely to be a problem for comrade kq in 20 years? Most people stop at three or four children. Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Most hospitals here do allow them; but the closest hospital (the only one within 15 minutes) is smaller. They may not. I'll ask when I call about doctors. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Not to get personal, but is this likely to be a problem for comrade kq in 20 years? Most people stop at three or four children.
Most do. We're planning on at least 6. And anyway, women need checkups from gynecologists whether they're having babies or not.
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My hospital is pretty darn small. My midwives do most of their work there. In fact, their office is just yards away.
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We're in an area with almost no medical offices. The hospital is pretty far from the places where all the CNMs are. I'm not sure which doctors or CNMs will be able to deliver there.
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Bev, one problem I'm having is that a lot of the CNMs I'm finding are very gung-ho on the all-natural, no medication, least intervention approach. Many do homebirth and birthing center births as well as or instead of hospitals. (I don't think we have CPMs here-- so you either go with an uncertified lay midwife or a CNM if you want a midwife.) I'm going to have to do a bit of looking for a practice that's a bit more epidural-friendly! (Not that most of the CNMs would probably give me too much trouble about it. But their other patients might, and I like my office visits to be a pleasant, non-judgemental, friendly experience all around. And I know from experience that contractions make me tense up more-- I'm chronically tense anyway-- and not progress, so next time I will want an epidural right from the start.)
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posted
Why would the other patients even know what you had chosen for the birth? It's not like the assistant is going to come into the waiting room and call "Next? KQ, who wants an epidural?"
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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No, I'm thinking more of the way that patients discuss birth experiences, plans, and philosophies in the waiting room. I'd just kind of sit there being uncomfortable because that's what I do.
I'm kind of a high stress kind of person.
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I find waiting room conversations fascinating and eavesdrop all I can. Although I am actually hardly ever in waiting tooms.
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I don't think I've ever talked to anyone in a waiting room. (Unless it was someone I came in with.) I read the magazines or bring a book.
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There's probably a difference in a waiting room where the majority of people are there due to a condition they are happy and excited about vs. one where people are there for routine checkups or "something wrong" with them, ya know?
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I can't imagine talking to someone in a waiting room. I thought that was why the magazines were provided in the first place In fact, I'm not sure I've overheard waiting room conversations, either, beyond "is someone using that chair?"
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It is definitely different when you're pregnant. Or when you have a kid with you. Especially if both are true.
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Apparently my waiting room is often full of elderly folks who tell each other their medical woes. Often times they get into little verbal contests over whose doctor is the best or who has the most tests ordered. The younger patients find this vastly amusing and tell us about the conversations sometimes.
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*giggles* That IS funny. My grandma used to take me with her to her card game group once in a while when I had the day off school and stayed with her or something, and they would sometimes do the same thing-- not my grandma, but some of the other old ladies.
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I never spoke to anyone in a human waiting room but when I took my cat in to the vet hospital three years ago I did speak to the other family who brought in a cat wrapped in a blanket. They told me the cat had had a major stroke and the vet was about to put him to sleep for them. I've never spoken to anyone in any waiting room since then.
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posted
What about doing some very very slow desensitization? Like, meet a female ob/gyn for lunch or a drink (of herbal tea or fruit juice of course). Have it be all very aboveboard, so she knows why she's there and will totally understand if you choose to leave early. Figure out where the edge is and don't push it, but just stand back kind of looking at it.
Then maybe go into the waiting room of a female ob/gyn's practice and sit there for a bit. Make sure the office staff know why you're hanging out, and listen to other conversations, flip through a magazine, whatever.
Then maybe schedule a "fake" appointment with a nice female ob/gyn (maybe the same one you had a drink with, who of course knows what's up) and go into the waiting room, get called in, have her come in - and say thanks and leave. Do that till it just feels ridiculously easy, and then have her shine lights in your nose and eyes and have you breathe in and out, basic stuff - and leave. Etc.
Visiting privileges at hospitals are funky, but perhaps you have a pregnant friend who meets with a female ob/gyn and wouldn't mind you coming into checkups with her.
I suggest all of this not because I think that you shouldn't seek out whatever medical care is the most comfortable and effective for you, but because I have visions of you being unable to get to your male ob/gyn at a crucial moment and going into hysterics, or at least having your pulse rate and blood pressure go through the roof, which would be bad for you and your baby.
If you find that you are trying to kill people with knives in the night (I'm sorry - it's not funny on the human level, but I have this image of a 9 months pregnant woman with a chef's knife wandering around like Lady Macbeth - so Mel Broooks) back off of the desensitization a bit.
Good luck finding a male ob/gyn or CNM you like - they have to be out there.
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Samarkand, I have no problems with female OB/GYNs (or doctors in general)-- until I'm recieving treatment. When the clothes come off, or even the shirt is lifted up, I freak out. And I would feel weird being "friends" with my doctor, anyway, wouldn't you?
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posted
I suppose it might be strange to be friends with your doctor - it's definitely the sort of thing that it's wise to avoid from their side because of conflicts of interest. But then again I don't know that the sort of relationship you might try to build up would really constitute friendship; it should certainly be friendly and centered around trust, though.
There just must be a lot of female doctors and specifically ob/gyns who would be happy to do whatever they could to help you overcome your fears. Again, I'm not suggesting that there's any reason why you can't go to all male doctors for the rest of your life if that's what you prefer, just that it would be good to know that you could function just fine with a female doctor if necessary. Also, if therapists wig you out a bit, self-controlled desensitization is another option. It would be you in total control of the situation with the freedom to back out at any point, which makes most things much easier to deal with.
Just something to keep in mind - I know that I ought to make myself go into caves more often. And small elevators. And tight spaces where you can't even crawl, but have to wriggle along. *shudder*
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posted
I'm not in CA but I've used RMs (equivalent of CNM in Ontario, Canada) One of their main tenets here is "informed choice" and that includes pain management. I've gone natural myself (epidural needles give me the screaming willies) but they have attended births that included epidurals. Mine didn't seem judgemental about it. The only caveat was that you can't have an epidural outside of a hospital which is where you want to give birth anyway. So you might just have to shop around for a midwife that you can have a good raport with.
About waiting rooms: In my experience when you're pregnant everyone talks to you. I've found that the women who use midwives up here tend to reserve judgement though. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that outside the midwifery community, women who have home births, etc are frequently called nutjobs.
Edit: Having read more carefully above... I think I'd look for a male OB in your shoes. While you might feel more at ease with a CNM than an OB, I'm not sure you'll won't feel uncomfortable in the long run with a woman attending you regardless of the letters after her name.
Posts: 251 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Miriya, I've been examined and treated by nurse practitioners and had no problems whatsoever.
Go figure.
quote:I've found that the women who use midwives up here tend to reserve judgement though. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that outside the midwifery community, women who have home births, etc are frequently called nutjobs.
That is very true. But then I've also known women who do homebirths and such who condemn everyone who doesn't do them as unnatural and wimps and not real women because they don't want the real experience.
Maybe that's why people call them nuts.
quote:Come to think of it, how did I survive in the womb???
Were you born early?
I'm just the opposite-- I love small, enclosed spaces and feel more secure in them.
And for the record, I can be around therapists in social settings, and even talk to them about my life and problems as I would any other friend-- as long as they're not my therapist. But I see no way to desensitize myself to female doctors and therapists that does not involve me being treated by female doctors and therapists, since I have no problems with them in any other setting. And I'm not ready to just jump into it for ANY amount of time. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: It is definitely different when you're pregnant. Or when you have a kid with you. Especially if both are true.
Not always. When we would go to doctor appointments no one talks to other patients. They are usually reading a book or magazine.
You don't have to tell anyone else your birth plan. If someone askes you can always say it's between you and your doctor.
I hope you can find someone that you are comfortable with.
Posts: 747 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Thank you, Theaca! Your "ask the local hospital" was right on the mark! They have both a referral line and a online doctor list.
I called one member of the ward whom I had not had a chance to talk to yet, who has had five kids. One of the names she gave me came up when searching. He's been practicing since 1969, delivers at the local hospital (in fact his office is in the complex, I think), and when called, accepts Medi-Cal and has acceptable hours.
In addition, the hospital has a wonderful birthing center with LDR rooms instead of a regular L&D ward, and I'm hearing great things about the nurses there!
So, thank you very much for what turned out to be fruitful advice!
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posted
AND my mom has every other Thursday off. We are going to pick up a car seat and she will be happy to take me to my appointments, including if I make one for next week!
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Although I am actually hardly ever in waiting tooms.
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Your "ask the local hospital" was right on the mark! They have both a referral line and a online doctor list.
