posted
I watched quite a bit of the new Battlestar today and I made mention of the things in it that I see as being strongly LDS, and my aunt got a bit upset with me and accused me of trying to push the Church.
She's pagan and doesn't hold the Chruch in high esteem. She was a member at one time and then walked away.
I would like to be active in the Ward here, but she is putting stipulations on that. I don't mind the 100% issue because I had planned that, but what bugs me is her insistence that my visits with my home and visiting teachers be monitored by her so that she can make sure that I am not being brainwashed.
I find her insistence to be funny on one hand and insulting on the other. See, I have a physical disability and she has told more then one friend of mine, including my biological mother, that I am also mentally disabled because of how much time I spend on the computer. She spends just as much time in bed or in front of the TV.
When I originally said something about going back she put the condition that I could as long as my bedroom and the office were clean all the time, then she later changed the rules.
Then we had a huge fight over it and she told me that if the Church were going to be such a big part of my life, then maybe I should have never come to California. I was in the planning stages of a move to Louisiana when Katrina took out the house I was going to share with a friend,
I am beginning to think that my wanting to be active in the Church is going to have to wait till I am out on my own, which could be a year or more in the future because income wise the only thing I can afford is low income housing and they all have waiting lists.
I am getting a cell phone because I cannot talk to friends on the phone without her picking it up and listening in.
I am seriously frustrated and just want to scream!
Posts: 113 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Are you on YSA mailing lists? I may be able to get you in touch with one if you're not. They often have people send out e-mails who are looking to share a house or apartment, and I bet you could find a good LDS roommate or two, or even someone to take you in temporarily while you find one. Where in CA are you? I may have contacts for you.
There is always another option. I know how hard it is to have the Church be a source of contention in the home; I had to live with it escalating and escalating before I got married (which was much of the real source of tension in my case, but my dad focused most of his anger on the Church.) Do what is right for you, of course, but please, let me help you find other options if you need them.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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No I'm not on the Mailing list. When I first moved out here the Missionaries came to inform me that my records had been transferred and my aunt got seriously angry and called my mom and yelled at her for that. I told the Missionaries how my aunt felt about the Church and that my having contact would cause problems for me.
My aunt made the comment that I should save close to 1,000 dollars before I put myself on a waiting list for housing, which would take 10 months of saving to do.
She even isisted that I not go back to school until her house was clean, which is a major feat considering I am the only one well enough to do that, and we're talking about 15 years of pack rat!
I still have my Testimony, which is the one thing that keeps me going, but how many nights I just want to curl up in bed and cry....
Heck, I've lived here for 2 years and I don't have any friends of my own, which is really bad. I don't drive either so my going places and stuff is limited.
Advice is much appreciated, and Ketchupqueen, I'm in Long Beach.
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posted
Cali, I have major sympathy for you, and I've been in a somewhat similar predicament, although I was much younger than you.
My father was dead set against the church to the point that, in front of the home teachers, he pulled a gun out, loaded it, and then pointed it at them. He then told them that they had to the count of three to get out, and added that they should never come back. My mother was the only baptized member at that point (although she was mostly inactive herself). They never came back - no one from the church did.
It took my father getting brain aneurisms for me and my sister to get baptized - brain damage will do a person wonders.
Now, I'm the only active one left of the three of us. My sister is now baptist, and my mother is just . . . wallowing in self-pity and self-hate, I guess.
Anyway, the point is that you're not the only one who's gone through stuff like this. You'd probably be amazed at the wacky relatives some of us have.
You need to get friends. Of course, you're more than welcome to find some of them here, but it would probably also help if you had some in real life, too.
posted
Cali, does she check your e-mail? I'm guessing not. I'm talking e-mail mailing lists, and I'd be willing to try and do some leg work and talking to people to find out who's the best mailing list to get on (I know Pasadena has a pretty active one, I was on it for a while, but I'll find out more if you want.)
And I want you to know this: if you EVER need to get out and don't have a place to go, I can help with that.
We don't have much extra room, but we'd take you if we needed to, for a few days, while we found another place for you. I don't know what kind of physical disability we're talking, but if you need an accessible place to stay, my aunt (who is a devout Catholic but respects all religions and has come to really respect the LDS church) is in a wheelchair and lives in an accessible house, and I know they would be willing to take in a friend of mine for a week or two while she found a place, too. Not that you're at that point yet, but if she tries to tell you "leave the Church or you're on the street", I want you to let me know, okay?
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This means alot to me. No the aunt doesn't check my mail because she is not aware of the new account I set up.
I've already informed her that if I have to choose one over the other then the Church will win outright.
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Cali, my father is a scary man. No one - not me, not the home teachers - had any doubt that he would have killed them if they'd stayed a moment longer. And no, he's not the type to shoot to maim.
And take kq up on the offer if you need to - it's sincere, and she will help you. And I'm glad you're already comfortable here.
Have I welcomed you to Hatcrack yet? I don't think so, although with the state of my brain lately . . . So, Welcome!
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I made mention that the LA Temple is closed til my birthday next year and how if they do an Open House before the rededication, then I'd like to go.
My aunt looked at me and said, "You don't need to worry about going to the Temple, because you don't have a male relative that holds the Priesthood that can sign the paperwork for you."
I just stared at her for that one.
It's been what, 20 some odd years since she was a member. There were no black Priesthood holders then and women didn't go on missions either.
This is part of the reason why I am amused on one hand about her wanting to dictate what my Home and Visiting Teachers can teach. How can she do that when she has no clue of the progressions that have been made?
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So, if the woman is so disabled she cannot clean her own house, how is she enforcing her decrees? I mildly doubt she will call the police to throw out her relative. Just ignore her.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I've been tuning her out more and more. Why call the cops when she's married to one?
I think she knows that in the end I am going to win out, so she is trying to attack the one thing she hopes makes me have doubts.
I've already made up my mind, it's just getting the ducks in a row that is a problem for me at this point. But I am working on it.
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That's what I want to know! I think that was part of the proceedure when she was a member, but I am not sure. I have never heard of this, so I was really confused there.
She's also convinced that my disablity would keep me out of doing any teaching. (I uesd to fill in for sisters that were sick in my old Ward, so I think she is way wrong.)
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Is she thinking of the Masons? Totally different thing. But that's the only thing I can think of, there have always been plenty of converts who went to the Temple without a relative "signing off" on it.
And I think you are the only reasonable judge of what you are capable of. I'm going to go with "ignore her" here.
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It's sad when people are mean for no reason. Like they were born mean. For no reason. None at all.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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I just turned 37 and am not able to work, so I am on disablity.
I love to design webpages, and I had planned to go to school to get a degree in that I also have two novels in the works. One is a LDS young adult story that turned into a series, and the other is a fantasy novel.
Thanks for the rooting section.
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I wonder if the church, or someone there, can help with other living arrangements. Or some way of going to school. Anyway, it sounds like you have possibilities, although not necessarily easy ones.
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005
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I would get in touch with the bishop. Let him know what you need. Make sure he knows that he should NOT contact you or have anyone else contact you except by e-mail.
He will know how to help you. He'll probably set the RS president to work on it.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I plan on going back to school once I find my own place. I am learning to do webpages with CSS a little at a time on my own. I would metion something at Church, but I don't think attending while I am under the aunt's roof is a smart idea, because of her insistance on babysetting what I get taught.
The minute that my Visiting and Home teachers mention something that she doesn't agree with, there will be problems. Her favorite thing to pick on is the Eternal Marriage thing and how I'll have a husband if I am faithful in the Next Life, if I don't marry in this one.
I can see a potential fight there, so I think it would be better to get an apartment first and then return to activity.
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Cat, your bishop's phone number and e-mail should be listed. Explain that you are afraid of your living situation should you try to return to activity. Ask him to pray for you and if he has any ideas on what you can do. It is, after all, his job as your Bishop. He will help you, no matter what. Explain that no one should come see you or call you or send you things in the mail. Make it very clear and he will do all he can to help you find a way to return to activity, even if that means helping find you a new place.
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If it is too difficult for you to contact your Bishop, please e-mail me. I will help you any way I can.
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I haven't even set foot in the chapel yet out of fear of what may happen after I get back. I am also still getting used to the Area.
Here's a funny one. I live in Long Beach, yet the Chapel, which is down the street and around the corner, is in Lakewood! (I'll admit it's not as strange as seeing the oil thingies everywhere.)
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Cat, you don't need to go. Just call (or e-mail, or write) the Bishop. Tell him you're in his ward and afraid to go to church, and why. He will not condemn you, he will help you. I'm serious. Please pray about it.
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I am not even sure what Ward I am in seeing there are like four sharing the Chapel according to the Church Site.
It'd have to be communication by email untill I get my cell phone, because she has a habit of listening in on convos I have whithout me knowing it.
I pray every night and I have started my journal, which I keep somewhere she is not able to get to, so she cannot read it.
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