posted
I have a friend that is getting some really bad advice from a not so good source, and she insists that this source has been through something like what she is going through...
(Little example a Divorce) yet my friend is taking advice from someone that is having her sling mud in court, and NOW the court has seen through alot of the mud slinging as her STBE has said NOTHING bad about her, but been trying to get her to go to marriage counsiling, if not for them but for the children involved, and the court seems to be siding with him in the matter, by taking the children from her care. She keeps insisting that he wants to hurt her yet she keeps going near him, (picks up her mail near his home shops in his town ect ect) and he has done nothing to her through out this whole conflict, yet she keeps crying wolf...
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Wow, sounds like the courts are actually doing something right. When my mom tried that, she got a judge to order that our father couldn't see us.
Sorry, I don't always have much faith in family courts.
Tell your friend that she needs to tell the truth or she's in danger of getting in very big trouble. Remind her that it is wrong to lie.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
KQ I am with you on the distrust of the family courts and on the telling the truth, although I have seen the courts believe lies and not even investigate to find out if the things said were true.
But truth, no matter what is the best policy.
Posts: 113 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Well, it sounds like this judge is on top of things.
But yeah, the L.A. family court system was so screwed up that the state came in and took control away from them. Unfortunately, it didn't get much better, at least as long as "our" case was in the system. I hear it's slowly starting to get better now.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: When my mom tried that, she got a judge to order that our father couldn't see us.
she tried doing that, and then lied about who told her this, the court saw this and is now taking everything she says in stride, there are people who care for her yet but her eratic behavior has turned them from her and now nobody wants her near her children till she gets some mental help, (including the court) but the father has insisted and agreed that she have visitaion. The biggest problem they are having is that she is unwilling to speak to him even when she was given the chance to change a few things so that it would be possiable for them to speak to one another outside of court. Her husband has done alot of things without her knowledge to keep the children in one of their care, but the court is weighing the chances of taking the children all together and giving them to the state...
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
So...she's getting advice from someone to say as much bad stuff about her soon to be ex as possible so that she can win at court? *blink* Which means that her natural inclination is NOT to say stuff and she's only doing it because she was advised to?
May I say that that's a load of hooey? She's saying this stuff because she means it and she's hurt and she has impulse control issues. At best, the person who is advising her is just feeding her venom energy. She's probably listening to this advice because it's the only form of acceptance she feels she's got.
If you want to be a friend, you call her every other day just to see how she's doing. Figure it might take an hour each time you call her, so plan for it. Once a week, take her out and do something fun. Go to a movie, go bowling, do something. Help her feel loved and cared for despite the rejection she's feeling due to the divorce. Don't give her more advice. Just be a kind, listening ear. If she asks what you think, be guarded about your answer, just encourage her to take the high road. I think that's about as specific as I'd get on it. I think acceptance is the food she probably needs most. Not acceptance for whatever wrong things she's doing, but acceptance for who she is, that she's still someone worth caring about and taking the time to listen to. It's possible though, that she can't differentiate between unacceptance of herself and unacceptance of her actions.
Personally speaking, there's a special kind of hell that is divorce and I truly believe that it tends to bring out the very worst in people.
'Course, this all assumes that you know her well enough to have reason to believe she's not actually mental when her life is going well.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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quote:Originally posted by jeniwren: May I say that that's a load of hooey? She's saying this stuff because she means it and she's hurt and she has impulse control issues. At best, the person who is advising her is just feeding her venom energy. She's probably listening to this advice because it's the only form of acceptance she feels she's got.
She had ALOT of acceptance from his family at one point in time they would bend over backwards for her, (and did on a few occasions when her own family wouldn't help her at 3am in the morning with Truck problems) giving her money to get insurance ect ect. I guess I just feel that she has turned her back on MANY people that have cared for her over the last few years, now our only concern is for the children.
We have tried talking to her but to no avail, she feels that she is correct in her vengance and is now setting herself up to take a large fall and she won't listen...(house forcloser, city sueing for taxes that she and her husband were spose to file, he went to the court about it but she didn't show, he isn't allowed to contact her, and the court doesn't have her correct address, the husband won't disclose the info to the court for fear she will try to have him arrested for whatever reason) She has told her own daughter that she didn't want her daughter near her father, the daughter cried and told her father that she said this, and an attourney is now set up for the childrens protection...
It's really sad though because her husband still loves her, but, has done everything he could to understand why she's doing things (I'm kind of caught in the middle)
She won't speak with any of her friends save her mother (the one who is apparently giving her the advice) but her mother has gone through divorces before (several), and seems to be feeding her anger...It's sad as the wife has told us countless times how her mother treated her as a child, and we all believed her. (Beaten, drunk all the time, partying, ect ect.) She once told us that she never wanted that for her kids yet that was the first place she ran to, and tried taking her children there also.
Alot of us just wished she would sit down and listen, or atleast talk to her STBE and be civil for the childrens sakes...
posted
Collins....I'd start to wonder if drugs or alcohol were a factor if this is such a reversal of character.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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