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Author Topic: Should I stay or should I go?
Evie3217
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So I've been having an awful time at college. I haven't made many friends, and I'm just not happy. It is my first semester in college and I haven't been taking many classes that I like. I'm a huge drama/music geek, but I haven't been involved in any of that because I can't get into any programs on campus.

I'm thinking of either taking a gap year or transferring next year. I could also stay here and just wait it out, hoping that it will get better. My question is, what do you think I should do? I have no idea what I should do. I'm completely lost.

If I transfer, I would want to go to a smaller liberal arts school near boston, closer to home. (I'm at a larger university right now in DC.) Any suggestions? I haven't found any school that seems like it would help me out. I've also suffered from depression for the past few years and I would want to go to a place where I would feel more comfortable and like people were looking out for me more.

I've also been looking for gap year programs. I'm thinking about going to England and working there for a little while, but I'm not sure. I haven't found any gap year programs that seem amazingly interesting.

I would really appreciate any comments or suggestions. Thank you.

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Will B
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I'm a prof and an advisor, so: I can't tell you if you should take time out to go to England (sounds like fun!), but I can tell you, if you don't like your classes, you're probably in the wrong classes. Not necessarily. Maybe you'd hate them all. But it sounds like you know what classes you'd like, but your college won't allow you to take them!

Sounds like a good reason to transfer.

I don't know if your social life would improve at the smaller school. It might. I usually suggest that students who want to expand in this are go to student organizations.

If your advisor is the sort that actually cares what happens to you -- at a small college this is likely; at a large one, I don't know -- you could also talk about it with him.

Depression may well be another issue that doesn't relate to your environment per se. Changing environment may neither help nor hurt.

Good luck!

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Telperion the Silver
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Well, first, what are gap programs?

And I my gut response is to say stick it out for the rest of the year and then decide. I went to a smaller school and loved it, myself. More of a real community as opposed to a city. That might be better for you. That first year of college you are doing alot of required classes that are not in your field of interest...so just remember that with them out of the way you don't have to worry about them again.

If after the year you still want to transfer go for it. At least then you'll have the summer to prepare. As for your depression...this was a key reason I left college early. I say go get on some meds or see shrink right away. As I like to say, think of depression as poor eyesight. If you can't see...put on some glasses. If you have drepression, take some prozac. (Of course some will argue that going on drugs isn't the best answer to drepression...but the point is the same. Deal with it now, any method will do, before it gets too bad).

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Evie3217
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Gap year programs are programs that are intended for students just out of highschool that are not yet ready for college life. These programs allow them to have some real life experience before they go off to college. They can also be done as a break during college, which is what I would be doing.

And I've already taken medication for many years. I'm seeing a psychiatrist, but he doesn't really help me. The woman I saw back home was really helpful, but the person I'm seeing down in DC doesn't help me at all. I actually went to see him today, and he didn't have any advice for me. I just know that I'm beating myself up to decide quickly and I can't.

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Audeo
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I spent two years at a small liberal arts college across the country and transferred just this last year to a much larger less personal school in my home state, so I have a bit of experience. Class-wise small liberal arts colleges, particularly ones without graduate students, have a much higher quality of teaching, classes are more intense, professors are more personal and more helpful than at a large university, mostly as a function of class-size. Also as an undergraduate at a small liberal arts college you have the opportunity to participate in many more clubs and such, simply because the talent pool is small enough that every body that shows up is wanted.

On the down side it is not more likely that you will find friends at a smaller school. By definition these schools have less people, and less people overall means less people who share interests with you, could possibly even mean that you are the only one in your school who has a particular interest. So if you have unconventional interests, either research the school well and make sure there is an established group for your interest (and even then it might suddenly dwindle as people graduate and move on etc.), or be prepared to find new interests.

As a student at a large university, your best bet to find more people is really to get involved. Find one club related to your major, future career, or just general interest, and attend all of the meetings for that club. You'll get to know the club members for that club well, and probably make some friends. This will also get you acquainted with other types of clubs you can go to. One nice thing about big universities is that there won't necessarily be the same people everywhere you go, so you're more likely to run into someone you have something in common with.

My last piece of advice is probably what I should have addressed first. The first semester of college, particularly in the weeks leading up to thanksgiving break, are the hardest to get through in terms of sheer amount of class-load, missing family members, and loneliness. Many freshmen drop after the first semester, but if you can stay for second semester, schedule more interesting classes if possible, you'll probably get to know people better, and work on making friends. It gets better. In bigger schools especially, the higher up you go, the more specialized the class, the more likely you are to meet people who share your interests, also your classes will become smaller and more interesting. Freshman year is tough because you often have to take a lot of prerequisites, and general classes. Once you get up there it will be better, and being at a bigger college as an upper classman will be to your advantage with a broader range of classes. You just have to get the drudge work out of the way first.

So it's tough, but I say stick out at least through the first year. If you really dislike it, put in applications for a sophomore year elsewhere, but be aware that the first semester away from home is the most difficult emotionally, the first semester of classes involves the most drudge work (where you don't actually seem to learn new stuff), and it can take a while to make new friends. I hope this helps. Good luck with upcoming deadlines and finals [Wink] . I know we all need it this time of year. Enjoy Thanksgiving, and see if by the end of christmas break you won't be ready to go back to the independence of college life.

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Evie3217
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Thanks everyone for the suggestions. They've really been helpful. One of the problems, Audeo, that I have is that I don't know what I want to do here at all. I'm not very involved with politics, and, because I'm in DC, that seems like the only things to do here are based on politics. I was originally an International Studies major, but I realized this semester that I didn't like that. I'm changing to history, but I'm not sure if I'm going to like that either. I guess I'll give it a try.

I think the real problem is I don't know what I want to do. I don't even know if I want to go to college at all, which is scary to me. I'm supposed to go to college. That's what I'm meant to do. I don't know what it would mean if I ended up not finishing college at all.

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airmanfour
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what would you like to do instead? what are your interests? i didn't think i could get into college, and by the time i figured out i could have i was sort of stuck not in college. do what is right for yourself, now and later.
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King of Men
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quote:
liberal arts school
There's your problem, right there. You're not studying a real subject, so of course you feel depressed and moody. Start taking physics and math courses, and you'll soon feel better from giving your brain something to work on.
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Evie3217
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I love theater and singing, but I'm not good enough to start a career in either of those. I like crocheting, knitting, and cross-stitching, but again, not very good at those. I've tried to get into the theater groups on campus and the a cappella groups as well, but I haven't been able to get into any of those. If you have any suggestions for hobbies/clubs that I might try, let me know.
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Audeo
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A note about majors: most colleges don't require you to declare one until your junior year. I know advisors like to get you squared away in your little niche early on to be sure you graduate on time etc, but if you're not sure about future careers, or even majors, take classes that seem interesting. If you figure out what you want to do for a career, and it doesn't require a college degree, by all means find a job and quit going to school. But in the long run, I think a college degree is good even if the field you go into isn't directly related to your degree. Life does go on without a college degree, though, but if there's a chance that college is for you, and you have sufficient funding, I would take the opportunity now, it's much harder to go back later.

If you're undecided, take a hodgepodge of different classes next semester. Sure take a couple history classes, maybe try an English class (at a larger school you might find a fun one like reading science fiction, or another genre you like), maybe your hidden talents lie in Economics [Razz] or maybe you'll really enjoy a new foreign language. Just because you're a history major doesn't mean you can't take other classes, especially as a freshman.

As far as DC and politics, that's kind of hard to get around, but look around, I know for a fact that there's a big ultimate frisbee following around that area. Try to join your school's official team. Likely it's a club sport, which means you'll have teammates to be friends with, but you won't have to be spend six hours a day seven days a week with them. Even larger schools have trouble recruiting people for club sports, because they aren't as well known as the varsity ones. Also in my experience departments on campus tend to be very segmented (I and my friends joke about never leaving the bio building, except sometimes it's not a joke), so if you were an international studies major, you probably spent a lot of time in the international studies part of campus, and politics goes hand in hand with that sort of thing, so your view of clubs as being overly political, probably has something to do with where you spend your time. Wander over to the science buildings and you'll probably find a few biology posters on volunteering at local animal shelters (seems to be the only poster I ever see), or head to the English department and you'll see flyers for different kinds of clubs. Obviously you know more than I do about your particular campus, I'm just trying to give suggestions. If you're really really certain that you don't want to come back, then certainly don't stay. You won't be happy if you force it, but personally, even though I was sure by the end of my freshman year that my first college wasn't quite right for me, I was glad I had the chance to stay for my second year. I am equally glad that I am now elsewhere, a lot closer to home. No one can make this decision for you, not your parents, or your advisor, or some random strangers on the internet [Wink] . I still recommend giving it another semester, then transferring at the end of the year, but you should do what's right for you.

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pH
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I'd say finish up the year. Make sure you send in applications to transfer on-time so that you have the option to do so, but you can wait to decide.

As for majors...you should have a basic, required common curriculum. I'd suggest you take a bunch of those classes, whichever ones seem interesting, and see what you like the best. That way, you aren't delaying graduation, which will make advisors happy, and you get to figure out what you want to focus on.

-pH

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Toretha
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try forensics? the acting sort, not the dead body sort. Most colleges have a program in it, you put together and act out pieces, and then travel and perform them in competition. You don't have to be very good, and because you're traveling with a team, you have a good chance of getting to know people and making friends.

It's acting, but without tryouts.

I've made most of my friends through the speech and debate team, though, so I'm biased.

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Tante Shvester
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quote:
Originally posted by Evie3217:
I love theater and singing, but I'm not good enough to start a career in either of those. I like crocheting, knitting, and cross-stitching, but again, not very good at those.

It kinds of sounds like you don't know what you want ot be when you grow up. The things that you list as interests are not the sort of things that you need a college education to do. If you are interested in fashion, perhaps you can get a job in that industry to see if it is for you, and then go to fashion school for design, or just move up in your job until you are where you want to be in that industry.

You don't have to be a stellar singer or actor to be in the show business industry -- there is behind-the-scenes work, too. Or you can indulge that interest by attending the theater or by participating in amateur community theater.

Maybe a gap is a good idea, so that you can use the time to figure out what you want to get out of college.

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