posted
(((pH))) pH, I like you, hate Chicago. :-) I felt as you did for many years, but fortunately I found a friend in college who is one of those life long, would die for each other friends, and then I found a wonderful woman I felt the same way about. It just takes time to find that right someone.
On a side note, my wife is also on some form on anti-depressant, anti-anxiety medecine. It was hard for me, because 1) I've never been a "better living through medecine" kind of guy, and 2) surely being married to me can't be THAT depressing. But, it is really wonderful stuff for those that need it (which seems like nearly everyone nowadays), assuming you find the right one that has the side effects you can live with.
As for a guy that can be with a girl without sex, we exist. We're just really quiet. Kell and I didn't believe in pre-marital sex, and after we were married she had some problems that delayed things for over a year. If you care abou the person, sex is just an expression of that love, not something that is "mandatory"
I would bring my wife with me to Chicago to give you a hug, but I exiled myself from that city after my last trip there. I really, really hate Chicago. <shiver> But, I do know some GREAT people in New Orleans (including my very best friend and his lovely new fiance) that I could probably hook you up with.
Posts: 880 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote: I've often said that the one superpower I WOULDN'T want is telepathy, because I couldn't bear to know what people actually thought of me.
That sounds a lot like me, Tom. I have real trust isssues, I can't trust people easily. It's especially horrible at work because you know some people are just being nice because that's what you do between coworkers, and you never know who really likes you.
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
*hugs* Oh, honey. It seems like you are getting love through the board, and I'm glad for that. I think medicine if you need it can be an absolutely wonderful thing. I wish you all the best - I like you very much.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I've got to say that I don't quite get this. I've been to a LOT of cities in this country, and Chicago is easily in my top five. Maybe you're just not doing the right things or talking to the right people while there?
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quote: It's especially horrible at work because you know some people are just being nice because that's what you do between coworkers, and you never know who really likes you.
This, by the way, is precisely why I deliberately avoid cultivating "work friends."
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posted
I have discovered that social interactions at work are much better since I have adopted the following policy:
1. No personal information, ever. 2. Give them a hook. They need something to associate you with. Mine is Harry Potter - it's my theme, it's something that if someone wants to make small talk they can bring up, most people have either read the books or watched the movies, and it makes shopping for me easy.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I think it's more the traffic situation - every time I go through Chicago, I'm delayed significantly. The last time, we were waiting in traffic for about 5 hours. I really don't have anything against the city, I've just never had a good time when I was there.
I would likely dislike KC too, if I didn't make it a point to travel through it in the wee hours of the morning - I tried it once during the day, and a surprised I survived!
Actually, I have a pretty funny story about Chicago - I was taking my sister with me to a birthday party for a buddy, and she had been sleeping... She woke up, and saw the Sears tower, and said "look! The Bat-Building". Later she saw Lake Michigan and said "I didn't know we would be this close to the ocean!". I'm not sure if the fact she was 20 at the time makes it more or less funny.
Posts: 880 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote: I think it's more the traffic situation - every time I go through Chicago, I'm delayed significantly.
The south and west suburbs of Chicago are pretty much undrivable -- particularly I-94, and especially near where it hits Indiana. That's because Chicago sits at the intersection of the only two real interstates that navigate the Great Lakes area, which means that all traffic going from, say, Iowa to Michigan passes through the same road. Which is always under construction in Indiana, because Indiana highway funds are used to keep half the population of Gary employed.
If they ever managed to build a bridge across Lake Michigan -- from Sheboygan to Pentwater, say -- half that traffic would go away.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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But I was there for four days with my family. If I had to move there I'd quickly get sick of it I think.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Well, I get on around Gary, so I'm part of the problem, not part of the solution. I've only passed through Chi-town about 9 or 10 times, and actually stayed there for any length of time (not counting traffic) about 3 times. I wasn't actually meaning to disrespect your city or anything Tom, was just kidding around. But I did seriously exile myself. Since my wife wants to go back (there's some little suburb up there she likes, and it's the nearest place for the BIG scrapbook conventions), I imagine I'll be back through next year.
Posts: 880 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
I beg to differ about KC, the highway system there is fairly effective, especially compared to where I now live (Boston).
PH hang in there. I learned a great lesson from a friend that I email that always talks about she is "so darling" or is "so funny" and "too bad they don't know what they're missing when they don't sit by me" type thing. Mostly I laugh because I know her very well but she taught me that we have to allow ourselves to think good thoughts about ourselves too. Sometimes I make them up and say them (it makes me laugh to say it when it's so obviously adsurd) but it also helps sometimes too. The trick is to not put anyone else down either---happy, upbeat and a complete "fake it 'til it's real" type attitude.
I don't think this "attitude" adjustment is replacement for medicine--maybe just in addition to? I find it helps me out of my pity party.
Either way, you're not alone. Posts: 697 | Registered: Nov 2005
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*hugs* pH I have wanted to see you since you've been up here. However, I've been pretty chained to my desk of late. I'm also not on the internet much over weekends, though this past weekend we didn't really have anything going on. Between the snow and my ear infection, I curled up in my house and was basically a hermit. We could at least have had a winter pity party together, and ritually massacred cheap snowmen from the dollar store or something.
I seriously wonder if light levels may be a problem also. I really notice being gloomier this time of year, and not really because of the holidays either. I actually look forward to the Winter Equinox more than Christmas because I know the days will be lengthening again. New Orleans is probably close to 1000 miles south of here, and as a result during winter, you still have longer amounts of daylight than up here.
Overall though I like Chicago, because it has the ammenities of a big city, and because moving here was a *choice* I made. When you end up somewhere, because you don't have a choice, it's an entirely different scenario. I hate Norman, Oklahoma for many similar reasons, I went there because I kind of got shoved to go there without being allowed much choice in the matter. I did make friends there, but you have had even less choice in the matter over this relocation than I did.
I experienced that it was nearly impossible in some work environments, especially if it is desperately female. They always want to know how's your family and how you spent your week-end and there's no polite way to get out of it. *sigh*
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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New Orleans is just under 30 degrees in lattitude while Chicago is about 42 degrees. There's close to an hour difference in the amount of daylight at this time of year.
posted
I wonder if the light thing does make a difference. I think part of the reason I dislike Chicago so much is where I have to live. The school gave me housing (four girls to a two-bedroom on-campus apartment, aka dorm with a kitchen) in Roger's Park. Which sort of creeps me out at night. Also, I don't have my car here (it's in a parking space downtown), so I don't really have any way to safely get around after dark. And yes, the fact that it gets dark very early definitely factors in.
Plus, not having a car makes it much harder to get to things like the movies. There's a theatre about fifteen minutes' walk away, but it's very small (4 screens), so most of the time it takes me forever to get anywhere and do anything.
Also, the bums here have been known to harass and try to pick fights with my male friends.
I forgot my prescription at home, or I would've had it filled downtown during my lunch break. I'll have to do that tonight.
I didn't make it to the movies last night; my homework took a lot longer than I'd anticipated.
Exams start in a week, but I may be able to spare a few hours this weekend, if anyone wants to meet up.
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Well, just as I thought my day was going a little better, I came home from school and discovered that two of my roommates (by way of my other roommate, for God forbid they confront me directly) want to have a "meeting" apparently about my getting drunk and arguing with someone I had over Friday night.
You have no idea how much this angers me, considering how incredibly inconsiderate they've been in houseguests and party-type-things all semester. Basically, the one night things go wrong for me (which I apologized for), they want to make a big deal out of it, but if they have their entire business frat pledge class over to drink and talk loudly in the living room when I want to read or watch tv or sleep, it should be no big deal. I put up with their behavior and their boyfriends being over all the time and their attitudes because I always felt like I was imposing on them because they didn't ask to have a fourth roommate. In all honesty, I've been miserable here for a while. I've taken every opportunity I could to leave and stay somewhere else.
I'm pretty sure a lot of words are going to be said tonight. If I had a choice, I'd sleep through the whole damn thing, but now I'm so angry and anxious about the whole situation that I can't relax to do so.
It just seems really unfair to me. And quite honestly, I'd be perfectly happy not discussing the situation at all, since I'm leaving next Saturday and will surely never be back, and then they can forget that I ever existed.
posted
You know...I have a futon and easy access to the el'. You are more than welcome to both. Telling your roommates to take a flying leap...priceless.
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When exactly are you leaving? cause I do want to see you before you go. For some reason I thought you were staying the entire year, though I'm glad you'll be able to get out of the unpleasant roommate situation. Is it this coming saturday the 10th? or the 17th? I could come into the city on the 11th, but I'm not sure about before then.
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My older brother is flying up on the 16th, and we're going to pack up my car and drive back to Florida on the 17th. At least, I think that's the plan.
I'm still waffling on what to do this weekend. I may end up in Naperville, if I can get back into town at a reasonable hour, or I may take kmbboots up on her futon offer.
Friday night, one of them is having a bunch of people over for a party.
posted
Sometimes you hear the phrase, "If we were smart, we'd do such and such."
I often struggled with this myself. What was wrong with me, that kept me alone?
Maybe it's just that making friends is tough.
Maybe it's something about you. If you're like me, your standards are high -- maybe too high -- and you dismiss people whom you could enjoy.
I tried this: I accepted every social invitation for a full month, unless I had a conflict or was dead tired. Got one real friend out of it. Maybe I'll try again sometime!
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I may actually be able to try that when I get back to New Orleans. In Chicago, I am rarely invited anywhere. Except by lovely Hatrackers, of course. And in Tampa, most of my friends are rather far away, and my parents might want me to stay home and spend time with them.
But in New Orleans, I don't have class until 3:30 Monday/Wednesday, and I only go to school Monday-Thursday...
posted
pH would you like to housesit for me for Friday night? Seriously. It just occured to me. We are heading down to Indiana for Friday night for a graduation party and probably not coming back until Saturday afternoon.
If you aren't allergic to dogs, and are willing to let them out a couple times on Friday night and Saturday morning, you can have 1800 square feet of space to yourself, with peace and quiet and a wireless high speed internet connection along with whatever's in our deep freezer or fridge. The neighbors would do it for me, but it might be a perfect refuge for you in the mean time.
Oh yeah, and we've got a comfy queen size bed that would be all yours while we are gone too.
posted
And from where we are (where 90 and 290 intersect out by Schaumburg) it's a pretty straight shot down to Naperville if you wanted to head down there on Saturday.
I could pick you up there, and take you home with me. Then we'd throw everything in overnight bags I'd give you the rundown on the dogs (just two and they are reasonably nice dogs) and head out to fight the traffic to Indiana (which won't be fun but they know we will be coming in late)
You could literally (even in the cold) walk to my work from the Metra line as it's about two blocks. The Skokie line is a bit further away but easy enough for me to get to within 5 minutes. I'm not as sure about schedules with the Skokie line though, cause it's a bit trickier to figure out the connections when the skokie line branches off.
posted
pK, I know it seems like the world just isn't in sync with you and that you are somehow outside looking in. It's an odd feeling of being lost inside yourself.I went down this road too, when I was about 20.
I don't know you, nor do you know me... but I sit here trying to be someone who makes a difference in your life. Look around, take a deep breath, and see how many here have come to you for this very same reason.
You matter... in some way to everyone that has posted.
quote:Originally posted by Historian: I sit here trying to be someone who makes a difference in your life. Look around, take a deep breath, and see how many here have come to you for this very same reason.
You matter... in some way to everyone that has posted.
Even to me.
Historian has made an important point that I think bears repeating.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Hey, if you could let me know if you want stay at my place by the end of Thursday I'd appreciate it, so that otherwise I can line things up with the neighbors for the dogs...
The actual town I live in is Rolling Meadows, if your friends need to know where to pick you up.
posted
Banna, I'm so sorry I didn't get in touch with you. I wasn't online much the last couple of days; I was very sickly and spent most of my time sprawled on the couch whining to anyone who would listen about how my head hurt soooo bad and why is it so hot in here, somebody open a window, and where is my blanket? I need my blanket!
posted
Get well. Sounds like Steve, my bf may have the same crud, and we probably aren't going to be heading to Indiana after all due to a convergence of complications including the weather, the state of my minivan (needs new tie rods) and the fact I can't drive his stickshift.
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And in Tampa, most of my friends are rather far away, and my parents might want me to stay home and spend time with them.
