posted
Okay, let me fill y'all in, seeing as I'm fairly new here, not very well known at all.
I'm 13, just started my second marking period (quarter year) of 8th grade. I'm pretty much straight A's, (I'll get some B's on assignments, but report card-wise, only a B or two per year.) in all of the higher level classes, whatever.
I've definitely liked a certain girl since late 6th grade, definitely in 7th. In mid June, I sent her a "confession" email, telling her how I felt about her. She responded, and apparently, she felt the same way.
So, it's now been about 6 months since then... And there is no "technical relationship". A female friend of mine often teases that we're boy and girlfriend, but that term isn't really applied until you're actually going out, no?
A few of my female friends have pretty much been telling me nonstop to ask her out for a few months now. Following the email that I sent, I knew nothing about romance, going out, whatever. And still, I'm pretty clueless, in my own opinion.
I understand that "going out" pretty much means that it's now a fact - there's a real relationship there. Talking after school, hugs, maybe holding hands, I don't know. I don't know how far it goes. That's as far as I get, no hugs stuff or anything.
Now, in the last few days, I'm getting the feeling that my feelings for her are more than like, and quite possibly love. The last two nights, over IM, there has been an "I love you" as a farewell.
The question is, how should I go about doing things? My parents are only starting to catch on; I don't think they know how far it is already. Overall, I don't think I'd be comfortable asking her out if I hadn't spoken to them first, but I'm still skeptical about it.
So, if you could... Give me some advice? Whether on what I should do, or just what "going out" is, or anything?
For anyone who's read to this point, thanks for doing so. Hatrack really is a nice place for this thing. Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I'd help you, but I've really no luck with this sort of thing. So, I don't think I'd be the best person to give advice.
In my opinion, I'd just ask her out. Ask her to a movie or something. You can tell your parents later, I mean after asking her out.
Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I'm just a bit older than you (16), and also a high-grade student.
At least around where I'm from, parents of the "smart kids" expect them to be role models: honest, caring people.
I wouldn't 'go out' with somebody unless your parents approve of that kind of thing at your age. It shouldn't be much of their business if you see her around school and hang out, but as for going to each others houses and going on 'dates', I would definitely check with them first.
Chances are, given what I can see of your reputation, your parents won't refuse to let you have a little relationship if it won't mess with your grades or anything.
Posts: 206 | Registered: Jun 2005
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I agree with the movie suggestion, although at your age I think I had to go with a group.
But a movie's a good place to be together with someone you like, but also not have to entertain each other.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Yes, actually, we are very good friends. Granted, we've only known each other since the beginning of 6th grade, so 2.5 years... Still, yes.
Actually, a lot of the time, as a group, we do go to a movie, as in my group of friends. I guess that maybe, we could go, just us two, once I do ask her out.
Heh, you really could say that, pH. Young love and all, eh? Actually, on the age thing...
I have a friend who's been going out for... at least 6 months now, probably more. I do recall my dad saying something about it being a bit too young... Might be a different case, in this particular one.
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Are you two allowed to go to movies alone? Maybe one day ask her if she wants to see a movie with you. You don't have to do anything, just as friends. And if you really want to go out with her, just turn off your brain for a few minutes and just ask her if she'd be your girlfriend. Just think about it this way: you've got pretty much nothin' to lose. If she says no, oh well, although it doesn't sound like she would. If she does, a little embarrassment never killed anybody. Edit: uhhh, didn't read the other responses before I posted, so yeah, I second the asking her to a movie suggestion.
Posts: 2054 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Well... From what I've heard from a lot of my friends, and what I've seen, I don't think it's a matter of rejection. Whether she says yes or no, I really could care less, though I honestly think the answer would be yes.
I tend to sit next to her, at the movies, that is. And, well... I guess I could.
And as for the pregnancy thing... I'll just go with: o_O
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
It's just freaking me out (I dislike the phrase but I'm finding it fitting) that you are my little bitty sister's age, Hyperfried. Although I'm sure she doesn't go anywhere near the male species .
I have no advice for you other to chime in than a movie sounds good, because it provides not only entertainment but also gives you something solid to talk about before and after so it doesn't get awkward (although it sounds like it wouldn't since you know each other so well).
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I remember when I was 13 (wowowow, only three years ago), many of my friends got boyfriends and girlfriends already. They didn't necessarily go out on dates but we'd all go out in a group and the couples would stick together
My school was completely Asian and Hispanic though, so all the Asians had to sneak around. Hehe, aw, the simple life
And the 8th grade pregnancy-- sadly, I can top it. A FIFTH GRADE GIRL got pregnant by a 8TH GRADE BOY in my elementary school. She started her period in 4th grade. Posts: 147 | Registered: Jun 2005
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I've heard of issues with teenage pregnancy... I think 16 is bad enough. 13, that's just not right. 10!? Dear God...
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Hyper, I'm really old-fashioned (OK, I admit it, I'm really old, too!) -- but I think you should enjoy what you have. Group "dates" and IMing is a great friendship/flirtation for your age. I don't think you need to ask her out or hold her hand or anything else just yet. Just keep on having fun like you currently are! And I think your parents would certainly approve of your friendship as it stands now--would probably think it's cute just like some of the people on this board do ;-). Not making any further "moves" doesn't make her any less special to you.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Lets talk about...Hyper and his friend that is a girl.
- Its is perfectly fine to have a friend that is a girl. In fact, I have quite a number of friends that are girls. And they have told me that they trust my opinions and advice more than the advice of any of their friends that are girls.
By the way, most of your friends that are girls will give you really bad dating advice. But not purposely. Just because they aren't expierencing the whole thing from your point of view. Trust me on this, I have some expierence with this piece of information.
Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Well, I know as a fact that it's fine to have a friend, that is a girl, and not your girlfriend. Trust me, I've got plenty.
She is also a friend of mine that's a girl, but I think there's something more. Actually, no, I know there's something more.
Bad dating advice... Probably true. And, overall, I'm not taking it from them. I really don't have any good advice at my disposal, to be honest. I'm trying to play it by ear.
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Hyper- My advice. Don't listen to advice, except for this. Be spontaneous. Do what you feel is right. Follow your heart and all that jazz. Believe in yourself. Make stuff up as you go, and you can set your own standards for dating. Just be. Just do. Just exist.
And, most importantly-at all costs, be yourself.
Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I mostly agree with Uprooted, although I don't see nothing wrong with a little hand holding or even some light kissing (I was 13 when I had my first french kiss). However, if you're having fun and satisfied with the situation right now, I don't see any reason to change it. You've got plenty of time.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Wow. 13. 4 years ago. That somewhat depresses me. Oh well.
Well, I've had a rather weird life, and I mean that in a good way. So my advice may be tainted. But I would recommend you talking candidly with this girl. And by that I mean somehow tactfully but straightforwardly bringing up how you feel and what you are picturing for your relationship. And listen to her. Get her to respond. And work something out that actually practically works. And continue a steady flow of discussion about the two of you so you and her both stay informed and there are no odd moments or anything. I say screw other peoples perceptions. Who cares if everyone else calls you boyfriend and girlfriend? Ever heard the Lifehouse song "You and Me"? If not, try to listen to it. If you really care for her, just work it out with her and ONLY worry about what she thinks and feels, whatever that entails. Maybe that wouldn't work with you, but allow me to say that it is working presently for me. But then, like I said, I am very strange ...
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Uprooted: Hyper, I'm really old-fashioned (OK, I admit it, I'm really old, too!) -- but I think you should enjoy what you have. Group "dates" and IMing is a great friendship/flirtation for your age. I don't think you need to ask her out or hold her hand or anything else just yet. Just keep on having fun like you currently are! And I think your parents would certainly approve of your friendship as it stands now--would probably think it's cute just like some of the people on this board do ;-). Not making any further "moves" doesn't make her any less special to you.
I agree with this.
Posts: 747 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Forget about the girls for a little while longer, you'll have plenty of time for ALLLL that in the late highschool college, and beyond years. A girlfriend in 8th grade is NOTHING but drama angst and confusion! Stay a kid, no responsibilities, its great while it lasts!
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
You are likely to suffer from consideralble awe at her power to hold your attention. This will make you feel distracted and silly. The female is a real attention grabber from the start. The male less so. You will need years to grow into your own power and potential. In that time she is very likely to leave you for some older guy who has a better grasp of his own power and can better handle hers.
At this time in your life you need to vere away from deep romantic relationship, instead focus on having fun together and growing as an individual. If you focus on identifying yourself as part of a couple if and when that is shattered you will be back to square one. Be her friend, have fun, improve yourself and proceed with neither obsession nor hesitation. Act impeccably and treat her that way as well. By the time you have a grip on your power, she will be three relationships later and remembering you fondly as her friend in innocence, at that point if she is still the one you want, go for it. If not, there is always another and another...
quote:Originally posted by Kitsune: And the 8th grade pregnancy-- sadly, I can top it. A FIFTH GRADE GIRL got pregnant by a 8TH GRADE BOY in my elementary school.
posted
I have recently left teenness behind me and am a little upset that no-one told me i was supposed to wipe the BBQ sauce off. Jerks.
Posts: 1156 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I don't like her because she's pretty. Yes, she is, but I'm sure there are tons and tons of girls that are more "attractive" or "enticing" to boys my age. My heart doesn't start beating out of my chest whenever I see her, my mind doesn't blank, whatever.
I like her for who she is, how she's smart, (very) kind, funny, helpful, caring, honest, etc. etc.
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Immature, is he? For all I know, the only reason I can think about her that way is because I haven't reached puberty yet. Or, well, so it would seem by my height.
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I wish I could say I was close to thirteen. I'm only a decade (or two) removed, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right?
Regarding the posts about pregnancy: yes, those things are terrible stories; in my HS, a girl in her 9th grade year was on her 3rd abortion, and it was public news. I talked to her privately to console her, and she had such a low self esteem and was constantly ashamed. That's a road you don't want to travel.
But to the heart of the story: you're young and you care for the girl. That's not only right, this is a good time for you to learn lots of lessons about relationships that will pay off for you for years to come. The most important of these are:
* How to respect someone else. * How to care for someone else, and put their wishes ahead of yours. * How to think about what you are doing - and how it impacts the person you care about.
Now is probably a good time to "make a move", if you are convinced you like this person, ask them out. In the 8th grade, you're probably too young to "go" anywhere without a chapperone or a group; that's fine. Try to catch a film or eat.
Don't worry so much about "making out" or the like, if it happens, it will happen, but make your first priority something else: get to know this person. Talk to them, find things both of you are interested in that you can share together.
*laugh* I admit, this is coming from a guy who spent his entire HS career pining after my debate partner but never doing much about it (then again, I lived 24 miles from my school, which made it more difficult). But the communications lessons I learned throughout HS and earlier paid off big when I went to college and later in life, and I advise them to everyone.
Listen. Respect. Care. Share. If you can accomplish those things, you're generally on the right path Posts: 202 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
13, 30, it's all the same in the end, isn't it?
But this is definitely some advice that I can work with. (Along with the other good advice.) I'm not really worried about... kissing, making out, whatever... mainly because I don't think that either of us are ready for that sort of thing. But I'll definitely keep that stuff in mind.
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I'm not all that old (22), but I guess I fall into the old fashioned category. My parents would never have let me have a "date" at your age, and I don't think I would be ok with my son having a date unless there were particular standards met.
My point, before you tell her that you can go on a date with her, make sure you can. I once was in the situation of telling a girl I could do something that my parents felt I was too young for, and it just leads to disappointment on both sides.
Now let's think back. I was in a situation much like yours when I was in 8th grade, and I didn't ask the girl to be my "girlfriend". Mostly because back then I didn't see any point in having a girlfriend that I was unable to take out. I didn't have any girlfriends until I was 16 because I wanted to be able to drive. That's personal preference though.
The girl and I remain friends to this day, even though we are 500 miles away in different colleges. I don't regret being just friends with her, but that could be because I met someone else along the way that I fell in love with.
In other words, I don't know if any of this is advice or not. However, if I were you, I would keep things as they are now.
If you aren't gonna keep things that way, then at least ask your parents about it first.
quote:The question is, how should I go about doing things? My parents are only starting to catch on; I don't think they know how far it is already. Overall, I don't think I'd be comfortable asking her out if I hadn't spoken to them first, but I'm still skeptical about it.
Three things...
Firstly, it sounds like you want to talk with your parents about this but either (1) you aren't comfortable doing that, or (2) you are afraid they will tell you that you can't ask her out. If you feel this way then you should ask them. Don't be afraid that they will tell you that you can't date, because you will have to deal with that whether you ask them first or try to hide it from them. They will figure out either way... they might already have. They will consider it more mature of you to ask them first though.
Secondly, it sounds like you are worried about a technicality - whether or not you actually are "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". I think many people in the eigth grade and even in high school place too much importance in those words, and rush too quickly into things because they think they are supposed to. They see friends with girlfriends and believe they are behind if they don't have their own relationship. But that's an illusion. You aren't "supposed to" do anything you don't want to, when it comes to this sort of thing. There is nothing wrong with being patient, and waiting until the time seems right for a relationship. If you don't feel ready, then there is no reason to worry about starting an "official" relationship. If you really are in love, it's not going to go away just because it isn't official. Just hanging out can be just as meaningful a relationship, or sometimes an even more meaningful relationship. It's up to you and what makes you happy - don't let your friends or her friends try to pressure you, and don't worry about it. These are only "troubles" if you decide to worry and make them so. When you like someone and they like you back, and you can enjoy hanging out or sitting together at movies, I think you are doing pretty well.
Thirdly, it's generally not a good idea to ask me for relationship advice... Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Tresopax: Secondly, it sounds like you are worried about a technicality - whether or not you actually are "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". I think many people in the eigth grade and even in high school place too much importance in those words, and rush too quickly into things because they think they are supposed to.
I have seen this with college seniors too.
Posts: 1621 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Hyperfried: sounds like your talking about a FRIEND boys can be friends with girls without getting into the bf/gf thing which becomes a majoy social trap.
You do NOT want to become one of those symbiotic slugs that you will begin to see in 10th grade, continuing on through the first few years of college (or later for some). People who are so wrapped up in eachother that they never socialize, never form interesting outside relationships and are never active or particularly interesting people. I know couples in my university who DO NOT talk to anyone but eachother unless absolutely necessary for a class. Its pathetic and vile.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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