posted
My mom is definitely burning out on working full-time and caring for my grandmother. Grammy fell twice in the last weekend, and fights using her walker. She's very proud and stubborn . . . rather like my mother.
I have done some web research on possible elder care solutions, but I would love some practical ideas about the following:
1) Timers for stoves and appliances (so pans can't be left on burners all day) - best kinds? Types? Other "unstable older adult" home alone safety measures?
2) Ways to get help? (spy systems ) For example, Grammy fell and left a hole in the drywall Friday morning, but didn't call my mom at work. Not because she couldn't, I gather, but because she won't. (I live five hours away, so calling me doesn't help.) I remember a TV ad from long ago about the "help me, I'm falling and can't get up" device - but she won't use that, I imagine. Is there some sort of "alert" system, easily installed - or at least inexpensively installed?
{Yes, I'm trying to think creatively, out of the box. }
3) Respectful, loving word ideas to other family members that leaving mom to handle this alone is not fair, and she needs the help, and Grammy deserves the care.
4) Respectful, loving, FIRM words to my mother that she needs to prioritize self-care, so that she can do the caregiving she feels she must do in an even and patient manner?
Families are so very interesting, no?
P.S. I would have titled this "Elder Care Ideas" but when I started web searches using elder care, I got a website inviting me to send care packages to missionaries. *laughs*
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
CT started threads here and on Sakeriver on a similar topic, lots of ideas there. That was several months ago...
Posts: 1014 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Shan, there are simple alert buttons that people wear around their necks, to push if they fall and can't get up. But she has to PUSH the button. Would she do it? Would she wear it? If not, it won't help. There are no alert systems that monitor vital signs that I know of.
Posts: 1014 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
No, she wouldn't push the button. To give you a hint of how stubborn this woman is, she fell last year. TWO WEEKS later, she finally told my mom she would go to the doctor. She had a compression fracture in her spine.
*sighs*
She has MS (she got it in her 30s) - and is very proud of the fact that though the doctors told her she'd never walk again, she not only walked, she walked well enough to work - and did work for the state monitoring outdoors for ecology dpt. Heck - I think that's a brave story, too.
But, she's very unsteady, now, though. And I think depression plays into it - all her friends are either dead or in nursing care with some sort of dementia. Her drinking doesn't help, either - unless it helps cut the pain.
I want to keep her and my mom both safe. With respect and honor. But a change needs to happen. For both of them.
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thanks, Theaca. I'm quite honored and touched that you remembered them.
Shan, sounds like we have the joy and pain of loving two obstinate, strong-willed, feisty, opinionated, smart-as-a-whip take-no-BS women who have cared for others all their lives, and yet who will dig their own graves before permitting anyone to help them.
Gotta love 'em. Hope to be like 'em when I grow up. *smile
But it does make the right thing to do a dicey and confusing matter entirely. I should write to you more on this, but I seem to be running quite dry on words lately. Regardless, you're in my thoughts, and -- please -- I hope you share any insight you find with the rest of us. Shared wisdom is such a good thing.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thanks, Sara. I don' spose you'd be willing to look over the information I'm preparing for my mom, as regards her mom and caregiving, and let me know if it passes the snarkiness test?
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
If she is depressed (or you suspect she is) could you get her assessed by a doctor?
My elderly and diabetic grandfather was diagnosed as depressed last year, and prescribed mild anti-depressants. He is now much more "with it" and involved in day to day activities, less memory loss, less general dodder-age.
Of course it may not be the case for your grandmother at all - but it might be worth getting it checked out.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Shan I wish I knew what to say. I admire you for trying to do your best and looking out for both your mom and your grandmother. You are so right, your mom needs help bearing the burden of caregiving; trying to do it all alone is a very difficult thing. In fact, if there is a caregiver support group in your town that might be good for your mom.
I hope things work out. *hugs*
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Have you, your Mom, and Grandma discussed Assisted Living Apartments? There are many really nice places out there. What would work for her would depend on her level of mobility.
My Mom had a stroke and a fall several years ago, and nearly died. She was left with problems walking, and on doctor's orders moved out of her apartment into our family's care. Mom was not happy about giving up her independance, but there seemed to be no other choice. My sister and I took turns, with Mom living with each of us for a while. Both my sister and me were becoming wrecks, under the demands involved. My sister worked full time and needed to have daycare because of that, and my health was being affected. Finally Mom and my sister decided to find an Assisted Living place through her daycare facilty. (edit: I forgot to mention - we live in different parts of the country. I live in FL and my sister lives in CA. Mom moved back and forth between our homes.)
Mom is SO happy in 'her own place' and delighted to have her independance back. Mom has a roommate, but her Social Security is paying. Mom has got a new more positive attitude, and that means so much. She does T'ai Chi, plays cards and bingo, and has her own 'gang' of friends. If you can find a good place in your area, that solution can work out well for everyone.
Even if Assisted Living is not something she is ready to consider, daycare might be a good choice, to give your Mom a day off once in a while. I know from experience it can be tough for everyone involved, and there are ways to lighten the load even if other family members don't want to help.
Posts: 337 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Would she accept a companion/homemaker that could visit for a couple of hours daily to help with laundry, cleaning, errands and shopping? And, oh yeah, checking in on her every day and calling for help if needed.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I know that there is a product out there that will sense when a person falls. It is triggered by a series of events: a change in positioning, followed by an impact, and then the cessation of movement. I just saw some literature about this come across my desk at work. I'll be back in the office on Monday, and I'll see if I can post a link to a website for you.
Disadvantage: she's got to WEAR the thing for it to work.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
You are all so thoughtful! (Even you, Enigmatic. I needed a chuckle!)
Tante - I would love to know more about the sensor thingy-majig. BobS, bless his soul, had lots of groovy info on ways to keep stovetop cooking safer.
My goal is to get a packet of good info together, and then leave Nathan with his dad for the weekend (next weekend - not this weekend - weather and pass depending) and drive across the state to my mom and grammy's for some heart-to-heart talking. I've been writing and re-writing the points and ideas I want to say to Mom, and then Grammy, so I can say them neutrally, respectfully, lovingly.
posted
Sounds like a gentleman some of you may know ... the doctor suggested he carry a cane, so now he carries a cane. Uses it to point to things, etc. He does not use it to help him walk one little bit. Posts: 1522 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
) For example, Grammy fell and left a hole in the drywall Friday morning, but didn't call my mom at work. Not because she couldn't, I gather, but because she won't. (I live five hours away, so calling me doesn't help.) I remember a TV ad from long ago about the "help me, I'm falling and can't get up" device - but she won't use that, I imagine. Is there some sort of "alert" system, easily installed - or at least inexpensively installed? 
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
I needed a chuckle!)![[Smile]](smile.gif)
