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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » I'm going to steal a shopping cart and become a wino.

   
Author Topic: I'm going to steal a shopping cart and become a wino.
pH
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I feel that this is the best way to complete my homeless image.

Yup, it looks like as of Monday, I'm going to be homeless. It's not as bad as it sounds, though; hopefully I'll have another place to live by Wednesday.

Fortunately, I only own two large furniture items: my bed and my television.

At any rate, I'll probably be sleeping on someone's floor soon!

Wish me luck in my quest for housing.

-pH

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Synesthesia
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I'm sorry...
Good luck to you...

I feel like i am just a few paychecks away from that state...
We'll collect cans together.

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jennabean
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Live in my house! I'll be your shelter. Just pay me back with one thousand kisses! Be my lover, I'll cover yooouuU!!

Well it's not a nasty rap lyric, but it's all I could think of [Smile] What's the deal... do I have to fly over there and beat some people up?

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Tante Shvester
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I'm just picturing you with a mattress strapped to your back, like something out of Grapes of Wrath.

Good luck in your quest for shelter.

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breyerchic04
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Jenna, I've had that in my head all day, stop!
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Valentine014
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*pfft*

Not the buyin' the homeless pH crap. I know what your parents do for a living. I'm sure you could also find some comfy accomodations in your Jag!

[Wink]

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King of Men
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We stole a shopping cart once, to transport our laundry to the laundromat. (Well, it was sitting by the side of the road, completely unattended.) Very useful, it was. We named it Fred. But someone stole it from us in turn, and now we have to carry the laundry bags. [Frown]
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Dr Strangelove
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I once had a petrified perch fish named Fred.
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pH
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quote:
Originally posted by Valentine014:
*pfft*

Not the buyin' the homeless pH crap. I know what your parents do for a living. I'm sure you could also find some comfy accomodations in your Jag!

[Wink]

[Razz] Well. They can't help that the earliest I can enter a new contract is Wednesday.

So, I say, xhomelessxcorex.

Also, I have been informed that Pottern Barn has a line of sofas called Pearce.

I demand they send me a complimentary one.

Although I don't think it'll fit in my shopping cart.

-pH

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Olivet
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Don't you have a nice, I dunno, rocket scientist lying around somewhere?

Could he make you a spacious Box Condo with a garage for your shopping cart?

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pH
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[ROFL]

"You, boy! Build me a cardboard and aluminum foil house in Audobon Park! Chop chop!"

-pH

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Kristen
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Well, you can always sleep in the library. I do that on a semi-regular basis anyway (too lazy to walk home 20 mins for a 2 hour nap). Join the group of elite homeless who live in the Library of Congress or um, start your local chapter [Smile]

Good luck apt hunting...

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Jeesh
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My brother found a shoping cart in a lake once. Instead of taking it, him filmed a scene of a movie by it. I was mad at him for a while. [Smile]
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Rakeesh
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Pff. According to this thread, yer folks is loaded. Therefore you should change the name of this thread to, "I'm going to buy a shopping cart and become a wino."

[Wink]

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pH
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...would you believe that I'm going to only drink boxed wine like a TRUE homeless wino?

-pH

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Kristen
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pH, if you're going to do it, do it all the way. Take it from the girl who lives 12 blocks from a Chicago ghetto: jug wine is the way to go.
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pH
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YES! Wine in a jug! BRILLIANT!

-pH

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Swampjedi
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Am I the only one who calls these 'shopping cart' things buggies?
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Rakeesh
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Psh. It'll probably be premium boxed wine.
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El JT de Spang
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I'm no rocket scientist or anything, but I don't recall most homeless winos having this much internet access.

Poser.

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Rakeesh
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On the contrary. Visit a public libary some time, JT, and watch the public Internet Access computers they have there. Depending on which part of town you're in, you'll see no homeless people, or oodles.
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El JT de Spang
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Believe it or not, I have actually been in a public library or two. I don't recall ever seeing a wino on the computers. But either way, it was a joke.
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Orincoro
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How dare you make fun of the homeless.

AS an American, you should know your only allowed to make fun of people for arbitrary reasons, having nothing to do with free will.

For instance, you are allowed to make fun of fat people, skinny people, people of other races, smart people, stupid people, and people from Texas. If there's one thing that Comedy central has taught me in all these years, its that we must always pick on people with absolutely no ability to defend themselves against our attacks, because they are illogical and pointless.

And we all know that ONLY winos use computers....
pass me the shiraz please.

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Belle
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Sweetheart, good luck. Let us know how you're doing. Will be thinking of you.
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Reticulum
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You'll always be here in our water.
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pH
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I really wish that my parents would stop asking me my opinion on where I want to live.

Because no matter what I say, they argue that I should live in the opposite place. Pretty much it's a decision between two different places right now. Maybe three.

And when I tell them to just DECIDE and decide fast because I don't know where I'm living tomorrow, they won't do it. They seem to think that I can just get people to bring trucks and move my things on a whim. Despite the fact that the only person willing to move me for certain is my boyfriend (who will also have to deconstruct my bed), who works eighty hours a week and who can't just show up whenever.

I spent today calling people from the label trying to see if I could crash in my office or at one of our artists' houses.

I really feel like they're just trying to make me decide and then arguing against me so that if it turns out to be a bad decision, they can be like, "See? I told you so!"

...shopping cart. Wine jug.

-pH

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zgator
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If you're going to steal a shopping cart, you should also steal one of the things they use to push long lines of shopping carts back into the store. Shopping carts full of jug wine get pretty heavy after a while. Of course, the more you drink, the lighter they get.
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Rakeesh
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I'm sorry, JT, I didn't mean that as an insult, even though it may have sounded that way.
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El JT de Spang
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I wasn't sure, but I didn't take offense. Just figured it wasn't that funny a joke.
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Rakeesh
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I wasn't actually making a joke. There's a library about 20min. from where I live where there are homeless people constantly. The library is right near a public park, and they're outside sleeping quite often as well as inside either reading, Interneting, or putting together puzzles.
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ElJay
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Shopping carts aren't all that bad. . .
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El JT de Spang
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No, I meant my joke wasn't that funny.
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JemmyGrove
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quote:
Originally posted by zgator:
If you're going to steal a shopping cart, you should also steal one of the things they use to push long lines of shopping carts back into the store. Shopping carts full of jug wine get pretty heavy after a while. Of course, the more you drink, the lighter they get.

And, conversely, they harder they are to push.

[Smile]

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Blayne Bradley
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rofl
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Orincoro
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quote:
Originally posted by zgator:
If you're going to steal a shopping cart, you should also steal one of the things they use to push long lines of shopping carts back into the store. Shopping carts full of jug wine get pretty heavy after a while. Of course, the more you drink, the lighter they get.

You know shopping carts aren't what they used to be. They're much tougher now. I would scope out the local costco and try to get a really premo cart with reinforced plastic basket and those inflated rubber wheels, that's really the chrysler of the shopping carts.
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Nell Gwyn
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pH, have you found a new place yet? Or are you still homeless? Just wondering. [Smile]
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pH
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We extended the deadline for the place I'm in now.

So I'm definitely not homeless until April 6. [Smile]

-pH

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Morbo
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Threadkiller!

But I'm happy you got an extension. [Smile]
And Happy Birthday! [Party]

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Mabus
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Best of luck with this, pH. I've been there. I was homeless (technically) for a month; I slept in the University Christian Student Center basement.
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El JT de Spang
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After Rakeesh's and my discussion about homeless people and internet access in libraries, I saw this today.

Isn't it ironic, don't ya think?

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