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I'm just about to get out of my seat at this point when my brother says "hell calm down" but as soon as my dad walks away he jumps out of the ccar and proceeds to punch him in the back as my dad was walking away.

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I always worry about blows to the back or chest, because this does deliver an electrical charge. CPR used to be jump-started sometimes with a solid blow to the sternum, which usually releases about 90 volts (if I recall correctly) through the heart. Your father really, really should not be hitting you guys this hard anyway, but this is extra dangerous.

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Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | 

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I live in a godforsaken corner of Quebec, I am 19 years old and attend college.

Enough is Enough, throughout High school I have been always picked on and I’ve only ever wanted to be left alone. Some very bad things within my family have happened and I have been suggested by some caring people online to come to here to express my thoughts. I am now very frustrated, with my life, with my schooling and above all with my problems with my family and the situation is getting out of hand.

I’ll start off by saying that I am studying Computer Science in College and I know a thing or two about computers. Why is this important? Its simply the most clear example of the lack of respect I receive from my family, when one of my parents has any difficulty with computers they’ll ask everyone conceivable person they can first regardless of the severity of the problem and only consult me when it has gone horribly horribly wrong only because they suspect I have had something to do with making not work in the first place and lecture me on how I apparently don’t care about anything and couldn’t in their view be bothered to help when in reality I tried several times to input in my opinion only to be shot down.

Also because we live in a very remote area it is as such very difficult to get anywhere, there is only one train that comes in and leaves, there are no buses here and I do not speak hardly any French further isolating me, from finding decent employment, from possible friends here. So when I ask for rides I generally have to do a billion things first before they even consider driving me making me very reluctant to travel outside a given area, and as computer games took a greater hold of what I consider entertaining the few times I wished to leave the house and visit friends when I entered college were restricted as I couldn’t bring the computer I received as a Christmas present.

It is a gift it is mine, and yet they constantly make decisions under the impression as if it wasn’t mine, going as far as to criticize me for having gasp computer games, movies and music on a computer that in their minds should be used 100% for work purposes. Then there’s the mobility rights or lack of involving them, I can only bring my desktop around to my friends by the looks of it when I have absolutely assured them 110% of its safety regardless of the fact that it is my personal property, they also ignore that attending college I have moved dozens of computers that weren’t mine and they ignore it as being one of those inconvenient facts.

These are just the tip of the iceberg I have spent years being constantly picked on, chased around, and verbally tortured by other immature students in High school and the support of teachers is poor compensation to the lukewarm advice of “ignore them” that my parents gave.

I had been set high goals such as passing French and as incentive was promised the above mentioned computer it took 6 months for them to get me one, they did but they refused to listen to my advice of simply buying all the individual parts and building it ourselves and as such saving 500$ on it and as such ending up being cheated by MDG Computers and lost 700$ and woop de doo when I do my little “I told you so” remarks to my dad he come up with excuses about how there would not have been any warranties on them or how I didn’t mention that my friends dad owned a home computer store etc. He never apologized to anything he did wrong to me or my little brother or older sister in his entire life only excuses.

Then comes my laptop, I worked all summer in horrible working mental conditions (the physical work was considerably easier then my last job the boss however was far more demanding) I decided to use the 600$ I saved up to purchase a laptop for school purposes and a tweeny bit of entertainment purposes of say going to a friends house to play Starcraft or something without having to bring my clunky desktop.

However apparently I am despite being 19 not ready for a laptop yet according to my father, my mom is nervous and you know the usual be careful you might lose it routine and understands that there are A LOT of worse things I can spend my money on, but my dad even goes as far as asking my mom to NOT drive me to buy it and insists on doing anything possible to delay me possibly purchasing it and comes up with the lamest excuses I have ever seen as to why a 19 year old college student in computer sciences should not get a cheap laptop for school purposes and is as evasive as possible when I challenge on his faulty logic.

MY mom agrees to drive me however and I get it turns out for the model I wanted I was 200$ short so my mom agrees to pay the difference as a loan until I pay her back.

The next slew of problems are this: I am in school but I am not doing particularly well, I am trying my best but I lack motivation because I had originally wanted to be a history professor and was nagged out of it by my father who has no concept of important it was to me at the time and now I believe I am suffering because of it. Do not get me wrong I like programming and yes debugging even has a certain charm to it but sometimes I think it would have been far better as a hobby then a career choice.

I am slightly overweight no sever chances of health risk but I am overweight enough for it to be noticeable I was constantly picked on about it in High school because of it and at home I am also being criticized about it as well.

I am clumsy, I had a hearing infection when I was little and my hearing comprehension and as a result my speech as been hampered because of it despite being a Anglo white Canadian there are plenty of times when I’m excited in my speech I slur my words a lot and my accent becomes similar to a Korean. At home almost on a daily basis regardless of whether he can understand my speech or not my father constantly berates me for my speech impediment corrects my grammar and focuses on it rather then the task at hand.

I am a nervous person I am not really confident about anything in the real world and as such you’ll generally see me peeling my nails, similar to people biting them I simply just peel at the ends of them. Whenever my father sees me doing this he constantly says stop that as if I was 6 years old and goes on how it’s a “neurosis” when I seriously doubt that he knows that neurosis means and/or its severity. He will constantly lecture me about my clumsiness and will try to link it to every other real or imagined defect with my life, he will go on about every past event or accident that has happened regardless of whether it were yesterday or 3 years ago. Regardless of what mistakes I make there are apparently sooo important that I must be lectured about it and thus further waste my time, he also won’t leave me alone he will go to my room see one little thing wrong and go back and forth picking out things that are out of place and question me like some Nazi interrogator as to why I didn’t do it yet.

Then there’s the money situation, I am still 200$ in debt because I was laid off from work, most likely as a result of my clumsiness sad but true I’ll get over it and I am trying my very best to get a new job. I have printed out dozens of resumes, handed them out and went on a limb to get whatever job I can. A good many places have not contacted me back as of yet. And somehow this is not good enough.

Essentially he expects me to excel in my studies, play less, have a life, not be clumsy, have no speech problems, have a job, do nothing wrong do everything I’m told without talking back or question his “orders” as this was the army. He goes above and beyond the call of duty with his parenting by demanding I write out on paper what I did during the course of the day hour by house, who I talked to, what I ate, what/when did I study etc completely ridiculous I have done nothing in life to warrant this and he does not request this out of my brother.

But these are not why frustrating as they are why I am here I am here because once again, as out of how many times I cannot count my father in a heated argument has resorted to violence in a span of 2 days against myself and my brother. These are not the first or for that matter isolated occurrences, regularly in my life in arguments with my father I will say or do something that during the course of the argument he will hit me for. One time I deeply cut myself sharpening a knife and as he was bandaging my finger I was slightly hysterical as I was light headed losing a lot of blood and he was lecturing me about how I should have been more careful and as such hits me in the head to shut me up.

But this isn’t recent that was a year ago, I can barely remember any of the other times but I do know they happen and have been becoming rather more frequent recently. Like just recently our house situation has gotten pretty bad the renovations still haven’t finished on our house, the money is tight and to top it all off we have 2 septic tanks and one of them is now full so we cant let water drain in the house for anything except showers, meaning we have to do ridiculous tasks such as constantly emptying buckets of water. It ended up that I got into a fight with my father (again) he was being very accusatory and complaining about me so I asked him in all honesty why is he constantly being an asshole towards me *note I did not consider this calling him an asshole* and I was about 2 feet or less away from him and he sucker punched me in the sternum. I was on the ground gasping for breath, in pain and crying and swearing at him in anger then my mom asked what the hell did he do he replied matter of factly “I punched him in the stomach.” Then the next morning he had the nerve to try telling me I wasn’t allowed to go to the Vault (a recreation place for teenagers, pool, smash bros, food etc.) because aparnelty bad language like eff you isn’t allowed. *note* I only said eff you after he punched me and was lying on the floor crying.

Also that morning when me and my younger brother (age 17) were waiting in the car to be driven to college my dad walked up to the passenger seat and roughly demanded that my brother hold our moms purse a reasonable request yes but my dad shoved the purse into my brothers possession and slammed the door my brother swore at him for being rude and then my father proceeded to beat on him, pull his hair and kick him while my brother is still strapped into his seat and unable to do anything, and my father did this telling my brother to be the one to calm down and once he let go and walked away because my brother said he’ld “calm down” my brother jump out of the car and attacked him from behind. My mom came upon the scene in time to prevent it from going even more out of control. My father threatening to pull the plug on the internet and complaining about how we are the ones trying to somehow give him a heart attack. And telling my brother as if he had the moral high ground how it is a very low thing to attack someone from behind.

What is the logical flaw with my father’s statement?

This violence and arguing isn’t new, it happens rather frequently now, I am sick and tired of it and all I want to do now is move out ASAP so I won’t have to deal with this anymore.

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I do feel that the reserves would offer him independence and strength he hasn't grown into yet.

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Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged |