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Fahim's (my husband, if you're new and/or been living under a rock ) brother's wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy two days ago - Valentines Day. Welcome to the world, Umar!
He's got the family hairline, the family nose, the family eyebrows (seriously, one set of features, interchangeable by everybody). He's also got incredibly long hands and feet, fingers and toes, and long skinny legs. He's also healthy and happy and has the cutest darn facial expressions ever!
But then, he's just darn incredibly cute!
And I'm posting this as its own thread due to pressure I received from the Hatrack Mafioso in the Random Thoughts thread.
As a side note and request for information, the mother, being new to being a mother, and the son, new to the not-warm-and-wet world, are having some difficulty adjusting to the whole breastfeeding thing. The mom is getting all sorts of advice from all sorts of people, some of it possibly useful and possibly not. I think she's getting a bit frustrated, and so is Umar. Well, Umar's probably hungry more than anything else.
So, on that note, if anyone has any useful non-stressful for a new mom who's already getting stress and pressure, informative sites on breastfeeding that I could give to her, please list 'em.
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I knew there was someone here who was a lactation consultant - just couldn't remember who. And, what with all the busyness here of a new baby (seriously, it's on a whole other level from the busyness around a new baby in Canada, let me tell ya!) I haven't had much time to do a search. Thanks, rivka!
I thought - from previous threads and posts here - that the La Leche League was a bit over the top in pushiness. Is that just individual lactation consultants within their organization and not their organization as a whole, then? Or am I thinking of another organization altogether?
quote:Originally posted by quidscribis: Is that just individual lactation consultants within their organization and not their organization as a whole, then?
I would agree with that assessment. Regardless, I would certainly recommend their written resources -- not terribly likely to beat anyone about the head, neh? Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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True, rivka, true. I just want to be careful to not send her somewhere that's going to result in her feeling more stressed and frustrated than before, you know? Thanks.
...and thanks for the congrats, everyone. It's going to be interesting having a brand new nephew around. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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There is also a new boy in my family-- my cousin Mark's wife Hope gave birth to their first baby at home, with her mother, sister, mother-in-law, husband, and midwife present, yesterday morning (the 15th), about 3:30 AM CST. The APGAR was low and he was having some breathing difficulties, so he went to the NICU for observation for a night, but he should be home today or tomorrow. Thought this was as good a place as any to announce it.
Congratulations to Fahim's sister and to your whole family!
The American Academy of Pediatrics has information and a list of resources that was really helpful to me when I was first learning how, and I found the "medical" tone a lot less, well, pushy than some of the tone of the LLL resources (which have good information but just sometimes come across as "bossy" to me sometimes) when I was a hyper-stressed, hormonal new mother. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by quidscribis: Congrats to your cousin's wife, kq! (Um, what's an APGAR?) Hopefully, he'll be perfectly fine and driving his parents insane in short order!
I'm sure he'll be fine. But if you've got some spare prayers I'm sure they would not go amiss. APGAR is something that they do to evaluate the baby at birth and five minutes after. Here is a short article on it. (BTW, BabyCenter is also an excellent resource for new parents, you might refer them to that site as well.)
quote:Originally posted by quidscribis: Fahim's brother's wife! Sheesh, kq, I'm surprised at you!
Sorry. I read your post really fast. I know that doesn't excuse me not checking, but consider what time it is here, and that I haven't slept more than 4.5 hours per night for a week, and perhaps it will be more understandable. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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All babies are fabulous! Congratulations to all concerned.
Not having the necessary equipment I am ill qualified to offer advice about breast feeding, but here goes... From what I've seen with my wife the answer is to not get overwhelmed by the often contradictory advice of well-wishers. I understand that it can take a couple of days to get the lactation busness up and running properly, so don't worry if you have to help things along with a bottle or two in between times*.
Above all enjoy welcoming the new addition to the family!
Let the new Dad do all the worrying - it's his job (been there, have the spit stained T-Shirt etc.)
*[edit] This because we were beset by Taliban Warriors from both sides of the breast feeding debate while in hospital - some nurses being quite rude that my wife wanted to breast feed, others deriding her for using a bottle to feed the little fella when he was hungry and it was obvious that the bar was still dry. Hmm, it still makes me cross to think about it. [/rant]
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anti_maven, they probably were only trying to help. MOST women will establish a supply in a few days if they nurse frequently, and the more frequently the quicker it will be established and the more milk will come in. So that's the reasoning behind the "don't give a bottle if you mean to breastfeed" thing-- giving a bottle can lead to more difficulties in establishing an adequate supply. That said, I'm sure that you two are able to make the proper decisions for YOUR own baby and life, and I'm sorry that "Taliban Warriors" assaulted you from each side. That's not a good position to be in, especially right after having a baby!
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It's good to know that it's normal for it to take a couple of days for the milk to come in. I'll make sure she knows that - that was one of the sources of her stress.
anti_maven, sorry you and your wife got bullied. That's never good.
That's one of the reasons I want to send her to websites - she can read up and make her own decisions, rather than have yet another person hound her with possibly bad advice - me.
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quidscribis: I am something of a self-read breast feeding expert, so if you have any questions on behalf of your sister-in-law, feel free to ask. (I used to post all the time on a breast feeding support board at www.babyfit.com and ended up being the one to just go out there and did research to answer people's questions.) My 15-month-old son is still breast feeding a couple times a day (we're winding down but not quite there yet). It took 6 days for my milk to come in initially, which is on the long end of normal. It is very normal to nurse quite often while it comes in (every hour or two, even). This is the best reference site on the web:
On a side note, I had a new niece come into the world yesterday (my husband's brother, just like you). Unfortunately, she had to be yanked out 4 weeks early because her mom got pneumonia and now both mom and baby are on a respirator. If anyone can spare a prayer today, they may need it.
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Christine, I appreciate the offer - you're very kind. She's very, shall we say, quiet, so I have no idea how receptive she would be of having any conversations with me, especially in a country where such things are usually not discussed in polite company. The only reason I know as much as I do is because we went to the hospital, and by virtue of gender, I was allowed to stay in the room while she breastfed and saw the struggles happening.
That's the other reason I'm looking for websites - I suspect it'll be a lot easier all the way around. Thank you for your suggestions of websites - I'll pass them on, too.
Congrats to the new addition to your family as well. There's quite the rash of newborns in extended family. Cool! Prayers will be said. I hope they both do well and get healthy soon.
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quid, BabyCenter has both great articles (with how-tos and pictures) on breastfeeding, and a breastfeeding support forum. You might include those when you tell her about BabyCenter. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quidscribis: I was thinking more of a private e-mail but I respect whatever choice she makes and whatever makes her feel comfortable. I just know that when I first got started, talking to people who had been there before was a great help. You can read all the books and web sites in the world (and I think i did ) but having someone who's been there can make all the difference...that's why these message board resources are so useful because most of us don't have family to lean on for help with this.
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Whan John was first born I found that using a cross-over hold worked much better than the "traditional" pose the nurses recommended. If nursing on the left breast you hold the baby's head in your right hand with his body along you right arm and his butt in the crook of your elbow. Then hold the breast in your left hand. You have a lot more control that way and its easier to get him to latch on than by trying to aim the baby's head with your elbow.
Also, LOTS of pillows. Just settle into a pillow nest and let the baby suck as long and as often as possible. It helps the milk come in faster and keeps the breasts from getting as engorged when the milk does come in.
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quote:Originally posted by dkw: Whan John was first born I found that using a cross-over hold worked much better than the "traditional" pose the nurses recommended. If nursing on the left breast you hold the baby's head in your right hand with his body along you right arm and his butt in the crook of your elbow. Then hold the breast in your left hand. You have a lot more control that way and its easier to get him to latch on than by trying to aim the baby's head with your elbow.
ditto
quote: Also, LOTS of pillows. Just settle into a pillow nest and let the baby suck as long and as often as possible. It helps the milk come in faster and keeps the breasts from getting as engorged when the milk does come in.
If she doesn't have one, I suggest getting her a boppy -- I have one for the house and another for the car -- that thing saved my back!
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Congratulations -- your nephew shares my bday, the lucky child! ;-)
I hope the breastfeeding situation resolves itself soon. (I was going to say "irons itself out soon" and then decided that was a rather horrid choice of words!)
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quote:Originally posted by quidscribis: The parents have requested that no pictures of their child are posted on the internet, so no, sorry, no pics.
Imagine, if you will, the cutest baby ever born...
I don't have to imagine- I just look down at my baby and there is the cutest baby ever. I also didn't do pics on the net, so I understand that. As far as nursing, I also love my boppy. If someone over there has a sewing machine, I bet it would be pretty easy to make one. It's just a firm u-shaped pillow. But the first few days were pretty rough. And the lactation consultant made me cry. She also left me with a hicky and a bruise (long story). But at the end of that meeting, I was feeling like I wasn't ever going to be able to breastfeed and actually gave up in frustration and gave her some formula. A few hours later, I decided to keep trying. And eventually my baby and I figured it out. Once the milk comes in, it is much easier. Just try to be positive and encouraging.
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Another useful thing to make is a cover for breastfeeding. Basically, just a blanket with a strap and a piece of boning at the top (so you can see the baby). I don't sew but was able to make one. I was suprised to discover how useful that was.
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ketchupqueen: Mine used the blanket for 2 months, but I know what you mean.
I'm curious, since it keeps coming up, what are the attitudes about breast feeding in Sri Lanka? I've heard a lot of things from a lot of countries, but never that one.
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Christine, it's really out of a concern that she won't want to have more than a two sentence conversation with me about it. People here are very very reticent to discuss what you and I would consider normal things. Women here, for example, even very close friends, don't discuss their periods or other things that are regarded as very very personal and Not For Discussion. People here tend to regard me as Far Too Open, even after I put major brakes on everything I discuss. Fahim's nudged me many a time. (It's also possible that part of the Not For Discussion is because I'm a foreigner and therefore have different cultural values and they have no idea what my reactions would be. Fahim's no help with this because, after all, he's male and therefore not privy to female conversations, and so has no idea what is and is not normal or acceptable.)
My point being that I might be able to get away with "I know of some useful websites. Would you like me to send you the links?" But wouldn't be able to get away with more than that because this culture doesn't allow for it. I hope this makes sense.
(And I'm a Canadian living in Sri Lanka cuz I married a Sri Lankan. There's a longer story behind that, involving meeting over the internet and me leaving Canada two months later and us being married eight hours after I arrive and meeting for the first time, but yeah, that's the gist of it. )
scholar, that lactation consultant sounds horrid. I'm sorry you had an awful experience. And as Fahim says, all babies are cute. (Although I think some look like Winston Churchill.)
Your suggestion of a boppy is wonderful! (I'm glad you had a description and there were pictures - I hadn't heard of it before.) Sis-in-law tried using pillows, but they don't fit around a round body quite the right way, and I could see they weren't working too well. Thanks!
Thanks for the links to the patterns & instructions, rivka. Yep, incredibly easy to sew, and I also know where I can get quilting to stuff the thing. (Also, while I got the yarn and needles for the baby blanket, I sprained my thumb a week or so later, and it still hasn't healed, so knitting is painful and damaging right now. Haven't been able to finish it.)
I'm not worried over a breastfeeding cover. Being Muslim, sis-in-law has grown up wearing dupattas (called shawls here) for a very very long time. No doubt that's what she'll end up using just because she's always got one on.
Christine, breastfeeding is very very very very very very very very very very very strongly encouraged here. It was never a question of would she or wouldn't she breastfeed her child - it was assumed that she would. I've seen women (granted, it was in the tsunami refugee camps) nursing their babies while walking around, but they also tend to discontinue when a white foreigner is around.
Formula is available here, but not like it is in North America. I think it's more supplemental as opposed to for standard use.
Also, cloth diapers are the norm, even for use within the hospital. Disposables are very expensive and only used when people are travelling, for example.
Sis-in-law had a private room at the hospital. She had her bed, then there was another bed for whoever was staying with her overnight. The attitude is that someone will be with her the entire time since after childbirth, she'll be weak and will need help, and that usually falls on the mother, with help from mother in law and husband. The new mother is expected to rest while the person assisting her does everything else.
There's also a small fridge in the room, and family from both sides brings in food for the new mother and whoever is staying with her to eat. I and m-i-l did a LOT of cooking since sis-in-law was admitted. We were essentially feeding two families since sis-in-law's mother stayed with her most of the time.
There's a clothes rack for drying clothes and diapers as well. Yep, one for every room. And a huge huge bathroom.
It was all imminently useful and practical. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:Formula is available here, but not like it is in North America. I think it's more supplemental as opposed to for standard use.
Part of this is probably related to water-quality issues; it's a lot harder to convince someone to give their baby formula when making it involves a lot of steps to ensure that the water used to prepare the formula AND wash the bottles will be sterile and clean. Not to mention it's probably even more expensive there than here, and it's not cheap here; and people there tend to make less money.
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I forgot to mention that they also have a Muslim Families board on BabyCenter, almost entirely women (as most of the boards except the boards for fathers are), who have seemed nice the few times I've lurked there. Just in case she was more comfortable asking questions or just reading the advice of other Muslim women. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Yeah, formula is more than likely an import item available at North American prices, like the disposable diapers, which puts it out of reach for most. That's just a guess, though. I haven't actually checked.
That's really cool about the Muslim Families section. Very very cool. I suspect that yeah, she'd probably like that a lot. Thanks!
We were going to go over and see them, including the baby and mother tonight, but Fahim and I aren't going. I just finished a lovely round of projectile vomiting. Unfortunately, that means I'll either have to email her or phone her to ask. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quidscribis: Thanks for the cultural description. It's always so interesting to hear how things are done in other parts of the world. It actually sounds pretty nice over there. (Well, except I could nver keep my mouth shut about breasts and bras and things like that. )
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) brother's wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy two days ago - Valentines Day. Welcome to the world, Umar!![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Bet she'd be happy to answer specific questions by email (if here doesn't work).![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
Thanks, rivka.
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That's never good.
