posted
Sorry Twink, I should've been more clear. I wasn't mentioning that as a reference to BlackBlade's branch of the conversation, but rather back to the trunk so to speak Just trying to make clear than when I compare "ideal marriage" to "ideal single life", I'm not talking about some socially conservative ideal of marriage.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I don't really know. That is what I am asking. As I said, it hasn't always been the way it is now. The concept of "courtly love" comes into it, I would guess. A medieval idea and a ninteenth century phenomenon. Women being exclusive was a practical matter of knowing whose offspring one was supporting. I think that as women gained more independence and power, as opposed to being property where a man can "own" as many wives as he can feed, exclusivity was visited on the men as well as on women.
edit: things moving fast. This was in response to kat's question.
I would be interested in hearing other speculation.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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I think marriage as we understand it today - existing primarily for the emotional benefit of the parties involved - is more or less a historical creation. In earlier periods it was an economic or political institution, and concepts of exclusivity, romantic love, and suchlike that have been elevated today were decidedly vestigial and of limited importance. Of course, medieval understandings of marriage were also historical creations, but that's the way society works; "reality" in terms of social norms and institutions is simultaneously created and real - roles of, say, 'teacher,' and 'student' and the norms by which they interact don't actually exist outside our understanding of them, but that doesn't mean they do not have power and validity.
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I agree that the norms have their own power. I think that can either be a good thing (when it works) or a bad thing (when everyone expects it to work for everybody and it doesn't). Do you see an inherent good in norms in general. How much do we need them? Are they useful or essential and in what degree. Is allowing the norms to evolve freeing or dangerous or both?
Do you think we are likely to achieve "perfect" norms? Norms that won't need to continue to evolve. Is changing a constant or are we working toward an ideal?
Have we reached that ideal when it comes to romantic relationships? I think that, although we have come a long way, we still have some things to work out.
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Just trying to make clear than when I compare "ideal marriage" to "ideal single life", I'm not talking about some socially conservative ideal of marriage.
