posted
I will be hosting an elementary age student (about 4th grade) from Korea for five weeks this summer. A boy. His dad is a doctor and mom works out of the home, too. Looks like he has seen a lot of the world already.
I am told that this is an educational trip, and he will be in class 3 days a week and in "summer camp" two days a week. I need to have him read to me 15-20 minutes each evening, and check to make sure he has journaled at least 15 sentences every day.
I am supposed to treat him as my own kid (house rules, chores, etc) and let him call me mom, and give him hugs every day. (These directions are making me chuckle on one hand and kind of sad on the other. Sad in that they even need to be stated as directions.)
Any tips would be greatly appreciated! I.e., foods to avoid, gestures, words, hygiene, how to help a young child deal with jet lag.
I really know nothing about Korea (apart from MASH re-runs, and I'm not thinking those count ) The internet is very forthcoming on how to gracefully close a business deal, but that's not what I'm looking for, either.
A colleague at work has told me the fascinating following:
1. Do not attempt to pass off minute or instant rice as rice. 2. Do not show your teeth when you smile. 3. Do not tousle their hair or touch them on the head at all. 4. Do not use the victory sign, the A-ok sign or the thumbs up sign.
I'm beginning to feel paranoid, here . . .
So, if you have hosted Korean exchange students, I'd love to know your experiences and tips!
posted
I wouldn't worry about #2 for sure!! No matter what it may mean in Korea (and I briefly had a Korean homestay "sister" when I lived in Japan who most certainly smiled with her teeth), I am SURE that part of the point of the homestay is to show the participants, young as they may be, that cultures differ and that's OK. (After all, you can't protect this youngun from all the toothy smiles out there in America...)
#3...well, I don't tousle kids' hair anyway.
#4...same idea with cultural exchange. Has your colleague been to Korea? One does try to behave differently when visiting a foreign country in order to avoid offending, but the idea of a homestay is that you behave like a family. For example, my Japanese host family enthusiastically slurped noodles, tea. etc. in front of me even though that's bad manners in the U.S. (which they knew, btw.) On the other hand, I was careful not to blow my nose in front of them, since they think it's icky...after all, I was in their house.
So anyway...my main advice is to gently treat this boy as a member of the family. If you smile when you give a thumbs-up (toothily or not), he'll probably figure out from context that you're not flipping him the bird. (Or whatever it means in Korea!)
Oh, but for the rice...your rice will probably taste unfamiliar no matter what you do. Have taters instead. Posts: 834 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
1: I really doubt a kid can tell the difference. Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese folks are all big fans of instant noodles however, thats a very likely choice that he will enjoy. Try to find an Asian store with a good selection as the kind you buy in Costco or Wal-Mart might not cut it.
2: This may have some merit, but don't assume this is the case.
3: I can't honestly say I've seen an Asian do this so again this might have some merit.
4: I have no idea why you would need to avoid the peace sign or the A-OK sign. I've seen it used all over Asia frequently, but perhaps your friend knows something I do not.
I assume your exchange student is from South Korea as North Koreans doubtfully let their populace out of the country. I wouldn't make the mistake of asking if they are North Korean as they may find that insulting.
I'm surprised they would direct you to hug the child. TBH I'd make sure they are comfortable with it first, many Asian families do not show physical affection as intimately as Americans much less Europeans. Still their family could easily have become comfortable with the tradition and do frequently hug. I personally would great them at first with a firm but friendly handshake.
If his family is traditional they will likely eat with chopsticks and if they are proper they will not pick up their bowl of rice when eating, you should do the same if that is the case.
Don't question too much how his parents do things. A boy's parents are VERY important and must always be obeyed in all things in most Asian countries. If his parents make sure he is in bed at a certain hour or always complete his homework before bedtime then keep that routine up. But don't be afraid to be yourself, alittle cultural diversity never hurt anyone.
America can be a scary place even for a well traveled person. Make sure he is comfortable with the food you are serving him and that he finds a comfortable routine while he is there. Young boys are often discouraged from crying and verbalizing their feelings, but if they do come out, be friendly and accommodating, and try to find something that interests him and give him lots of it. If he loves basketball for example try to find a place where you can shoot some hoops.
Asian children obviously can't be pigeon holed into one type. They come in all shapes and sizes. He might be very serious about learning English, he might be serious at school but not so serious out of class. Give him plenty of opportunities outside school to practice his English and encourage him when he is successful. If there is anything that stops folks from learning another language, its that they speak it almost exclusively in the classroom, and write it at the homework desk, but never anywhere else.
Sorry I have to be so general, I have a bit of experience with Koreans, but more so with Chinese and to a lesser extent Japanese folks.
If you have any questions once the strapping young man gets here, I'd be only too happy to help if I can.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Yeah, I'm surprised about the hugging directions too. As a child, I would have been very uncomfortable with an almost stranger hugging me on a regular basis. I would wait to see what sort of personal space the boy needs before attempting to hug him every night. A hug hello would probably be all right, though. That's a hug with occasion.
Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2005
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I like that phrase, "A hug with occasion," Calaeno. I'll keep that in mind.
I was planning baseball, BlackBlade, because the young lad could easily play on my son's team through the Y while he is here, if he wants. My son does about 30 minutes of math and writing practice a day (theoretically), so I figured the boys could buddy up and do that at the kitchen table.
Taters sound about right, Liz, as I know lots of ways to fix 'em. *phew* I know nothing about SE Asian food, except who to ask where to take him for a familiar bite out to eat. I appreciate the advice about just gently welcoming him and worrying less about toothy or not smiles, thumbs' up gestures, etc.
Since I'm supposed to dole out chores, I thought he and Nathan could take care of washing dishes, garbage out, and keeping their room tidy. Sound fair?
Good heavens! I have a nesting urge to go and re-fix up the bedroom. *chuckles*
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Shan: Baseball may be an excelent suggestion as the sport is quite popular in east Asia. But again it might not be his thing. It sounds like you are well equipped to play the situation by ear, so color me impressed.
Having them do homework together is a wonderful idea! Those chores sound perfectly fair, he may not be used to doing them, but it will be good for him to see that he won't die if he washes a dish, or takes out the garbage.
What is the boy's name btw? When will he be arriving? If everything seems to be working out grandly, great! If he seems lonely or bored, sit him down and have him tell you, or better write out all the things that interest him back home in Korea. If there is a good way to provide some of those things for him, I'd be only too happy to help.
But again, make sure he sees what's fun about America. I made friends with a Taiwanese man who was convinced that American food was gross and far behind Chinese food in sophistication. To me my crowning achievment was taking him to Wingers and having him share a plate of buffalo wings with me smoothered in their special sauce served with ranch dressing.
The look on his face and his commitment to learning how to make them was easily worth the restaurant bill that day Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Do follow the rice bit. I'm American and even I know the difference. I imagine an Asian child would be appalled at being served Minute Rice.
Hugging other people's child seems strange to me. Touching someone else's kid sounds a little risky; it may open you up to allegations. Better safe than sorry, in my opinion.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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My son used to tutor a couple of Korean kids who were sent over here for short periods of time.
Trouble was - they were really smart and didn't really need tutoring (it was supposed to be math) they just really needed ENGLISH. So it was more of him helping them understand the instructions than teaching them the concepts.
In those cases, the parents were sending them here for them to experience our English and western culture -- so I don't know why you would try to make it as "Korean" an atmosphere as you can (food, habits, etc.) if the whole reason they are here is to learn the differences in the cultures.
posted
I had a Korean exchange student 15 years ago, but I do remember that she came not knowing how to use a fork. We ended up ordering in Chinese just to get the chop sticks on her first night. Also, she much preferred baths to showers, but was too shy to tell us that. I'll ask my mom if she has any more constructive advice.
Posts: 159 | Registered: Jun 2006
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Farmgirl: I am not sure who is saying in effect, "Make your home a Korea away from Korea."
Giving this kid unmitigated exposure to everything American might fit the bill perfectly, but a more moderate approach might (and IMO more likely) be warranted.
I've seen kids thrown into a foreign culture and positively crumble, although kids are a bit more apt at adjusting then adults are. I've also seen kids thrown into a new culture and have a blast with everything.
We don't even know the disposition of the kid so its pretty hard to give advise in any direction. Personally I hope your way IS the best way.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Good point, BB -- and I guess he IS only 4th grade -- much younger than the foreign exchange students I have been acquainted with.
Posts: 9538 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I grew up in an area with a lot of Korean-American families. The thumbs-up sign is like giving the finger. The A-okay sign is like calling someone an a-hole. The peace sign is rude too but I can't remember why.
Chopsticks are often used at home, even in first and second generation Korean-American families that are very Americanized. It would be polite to have some on hand in case he prefers them.
And have hot sauce around, Koreans often like strong flavors, including hot sauce, in all their foods. Sirachi would be acceptable.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Oh, and also, don't point at things. Pointing at things is very rude in Korean culture, if you have to designate something either describe it or gesture with your whole hand.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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on the rice thing: he'll probably be able to tell even if you use jasmine rice or basmati or any of the other real rice varieties. but just for yourself you should switch (assuming you use minute rice and the like) however, that's coming from something of a rice snob, so... =p
Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2006
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KQ speaks the truth! Pointing is definitely bad manners. I can see the thumbs up sign and the A-OK sign being bad, though I have never heard that, but the peace sign honestly throws me off as its pretty standard in Japan and China. Not sure why Korea is different.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Hmmm. I guess I'll just have to give up my favorite fable of having Italian blood and practice less non-verbal speaking. *grin*
Chopsticks and hot sauce, eh? Hope it smells better than tobasco -- the smell of that stuff turns my tummy. *shudder*
Thanks all for the ideas. You folks are awesome! I am sure the exchange is to help the students learn English and experience a different culture -- but I also want to be as "interculturally competent" [read "sensitive"]as I can to someone who is far away from home at a young age.
Nathan is looking forward to this, too. Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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