Jus and I thought we were going to get away with politics-free wedding planning, but it turns out not to be.
We're paying for the whole thing ourselves and are a little stressed about it, so when my Dad called tonight asking if my sister could bring a partner, I flippantly joked "only if she pays $100 for him".
Now if you knew me, you'd know I'd never seriously mean this. It's horribly cheap and would make Jus and I very poor hosts. To understand further tho, my sister doesn't have a partner - she just wants to not have to socialise with anyone she doesn't know. She's not even shy - just terribly cool. I did say to Dad that'd be good if it was someone actually important to her, rather than just a ring in.
So 10 minutes later, Mum's on the phone: "I'm very upset about that comment you just made about wanting money for Sue's partner at the wedding..." - she's touchy about this sort of thing because her brother would seriously ask his guests to pay for their partners.
So, 30 minutes later, crisis averted, we're paying for some too-cool-for-school schmuck we don't know to be at our wedding and we're at compromise #15 'Keeping more relatives happy'.
I know it's a small thing, but when did our wedding become everyone else's?
posted
Washer, the wedding is not important. The details are not important. Keep telling yourself this when you get stressed out. What is important? The marriage, duh. And the success of the marriage has very little correlation to the details of the wedding.
You can always pull a Shvester, and choose to "crack up" rather than "burn up" over all the human foibles that are thrown into sharp relief when you try to coordinate a wedding. Whenever things start to get unreasonably hairy, you can always gaze deeply into your sweetheart's eyes and truthfully and passionately breathe, "I can't wait until we are married!"
Also, any sacrifices and compromises that you have to make to keep the family happy is probably a valuable investment in future relations, both with your family and the in-laws. People just crack me the heck up the way they are willing to nurse bad feelings for years over petty stuff. They must enjoy it, I guess.
In any event, best wishes for a wonderful marriage. And, even though it'll be hard, what with all the pictures and well-wishers and all, try to eat some of those appetisers. I hear they're going to be delish!
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Just don't forget that "Keeping Relatives Happy" doesn't mean the compromise has to be on YOUR side. Relatives have the ability to compromise too.
My Wife had a "Banned for Life" list of people who were not allowed to come to the wedding for any reason. Some family members thought we should have invited them, but my wife stood firm (she wasn't my wife at the time) and a good time was had by all.
Do have fun, but don't make so many sacrifices that it becomes painful rather than enjoyable. It's YOUR day, not every odd person who pours out of the woodwork for free punch and pie Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Yeah, the elope versus ceremony debate is one that keeps hindering my sig-o and I. We think we might be ready to quietly sign the papers and not tell anyone, but we're so not ready for a whole big ordeal.
Though he did suggest we just have a reception for the family after the fact. I'm leaning towards that idea now.
Edit to add: By all of which I mean, you're tougher than me, Troubadour. You can do it!
Posts: 2283 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Good luck, Troubs. What you're describing is a major part of the reason I decided years ago to not have a ceremony. You're tougher than me, too, Troubs. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Oh, Troubadour! I hope you two can get through it with the least bad stress possible. It should be fun for you two as well as for your guests.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:when did our wedding become everyone else's?
From the moment you decided to get married. If modern marriage weren't all about inviting the public into your relationship, it wouldn't exist. And, hey, if that's as bad as the whole "relatives" thing gets, you've got it made.
posted
Just wait until 2 years down the line and you are still hearing new grievances. At my brother in laws wedding, I got to hear about how I did not allow my mother in law to be involved in my wedding. Apparently, her refusal to attend every wedding planning activity was my fault- I get she wanted a hand engraved invitation. But yeah, no matter what you do, family is going to complain. That is their nature.
Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Well I'm kinda having fun with letting the ultra, hard-core fundamentalist Catholic extended family think we're having a pagan ceremony that they're not invited to. Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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I had to laugh when I read your post Troub. When my sister announced she was getting married (the first of 5 kids to do so), my dad promptly offered her fiancé $1000 to elope.
He declined the offer. Posts: 692 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
While I can understand not being thrilled about paying for someone you don't know, I gotta say I wouldn't be real happy to be invited to a wedding without the option of bringing a guest. It's not a question of not wanting to socialize with the other guests, it's a question of being somewhere where most people are paired off. No one likes being the odd person out at a table filled with couples, and the only thing worse is being matched up with someone you don't know to balance things out and not getting along with them at all.
Now, I have gone to weddings by myself, and I've always had fun, but I tend to be social. And I was always given the option of bringing a guest, even to very small close friends and family weddings. I don't think it's at all unreasonable for someone as close as your sister to expect to be able to bring a guest, unless wedding customs are quite different there than here.
I am, however, pro-elopement. And will never have a big fancy wedding myself. The idea makes me shudder.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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If I got married again, you'd have to take on a couple of ninjas to get in, but the food would be awesome. Posts: 3354 | Registered: May 2005
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I should also clarify - no tables at our wedding. We're having the ceremony in the botanical gardens and the reception is a cocktail function at a nearby marina.
Also, he'll be the only person there we don't know.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Its a pity you didn't initially respond with something like "We want our wedding to by an intimate affair with just close friends and family, so unless he is someone really important to her. Someone she is likely to marry or such, we'd rather she didn't bring a partner we don't know".
Unfortunately, after the joke about the $100, I think your stuck with her date for the night.
Ahh, 20/20 hind sight.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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Will your sister know anyone there besides family members? Because if not, I'm still feeling sympathy for her wanting to bring a date. Although it would have been nice if she'd talked to you about it herself instead of going through your parents.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I don't really mind how it came up, my sister and I don't speak that much and she's hard to get a hold of, so I know it wasn't intentional.
Rabbit, you are, of course right and I did say something similar right after the joke - that's what I really meant. She doesn't have close relationships. Usually just a string of guys that are willing to pay for stuff for her.
Ah well, she's had exceptions made for her all her life by absolutely everyone who knows her, so why should it be any different now? Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
At ten my dad offered me $5000 to elope, after watching family friends plan their daughter's wedding. I'll probably take it.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I would talk to your sister directly- a lot gets lost in the messages. I think it is fair to require that you have met her guest atleast once before the wedding, since the wedding is so small. This might make you feel better about him being there.
Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Not really possible - we're 2000 kilometres distant. There's no good solutions here, I'm just venting and stressing.
We've left it a little late in our honeymoon planning too, so it looks like Fiji is out, but Bali is looking good.
We also moved interstate a couple of weeks back and have only just found a place to live - and we'll be going back to the old town for the wedding itself... lol
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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We really wanted Tokariki or the Jean-Michel Cousteau resort in Fiji, but couldn't afford it.
This'll be really great tho.
I don't know if I posted this previously, but here's the photos from our recent trip to Europe for a friend's wedding in Austria. I was best man. They had theirs at Zell Am See (a lake about 100Kms west of Salzburg). The reception was nearby at a schloss owned by the family Porsche.
No wonder I have high expectations. Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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