posted
Been thinking about this lately. Maybe because it is the end of the year, but also because my grandfather died this year at the age of 93. He had a full life, one described as "well lived". While he was of a different time and generation, by the time he was my age he had accomplished quite a bit already. I know I'm in a far different generation, but I certainly don't feel as if I've had the same variety of experiences he had at the same age. I admit many of his experiences were far more difficult than I'd necessarily want to deal with also. But he made it through them too.
Anyway was just musing on the topic and thought I'd ask Hatrack.
posted
Hmmm. I could probably identify candidate elements, but I don't have a settled definition for myself yet. Most likely a combination of:
1. Leaving the world better than when I came into it 2. Having happiness and contentment as integral themes of my days 3. Engaging in lifelong learning 4. Not taking those I loved for granted 5. [Being still]
posted
I would define a life well lived as a life that the person him/herself describes as well lived. The criteria may differ per person. Personally, I believe that I have lived my life well on these criteria.
1. Finding myself in my faith. 2. Found someone to spend the rest of my life with. 3. Had three beautiful children with said person. 4. Reconciling myself with everyone that I have argued with. 5. Learning to enjoy relaxing.
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quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: 1. Leaving the world better than when I came into it 2. Having happiness and contentment as integral themes of my days 3. Engaging in lifelong learning 4. Not taking those I loved for granted 5. Learning how to be still
That sums it up for me pretty well, though 5 for me might be "being still" rather than learning how to be so.
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posted
I was thinking that a life "well-lived" may be about doing the little things that are sometimes seen as drudgery, rather than doing any one "big" thing.
In my own life, in order to have it be "well-lived" in the end I believe that I need to find the right balance between selfishness and unselfishness and I know I'm not there yet. Or rather than put it in a straight selfishness/unselfishness context perhaps the terms "enriching myself"/ "enriching others" describe a bit better about how I feel.
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posted
A life with the appropriate amounts of well-thought duty, bravery, loyalty, and charity (the forgiving others, pure love of Christ kind of charity - not the giving away money kind, although that could be part of it).
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posted
I don't have a whole list, but I know mine will include passing on my genetic material.
I just can't come up with an answer to the question, "What, exactly, are we doing here?" that doesn't involve the furthering of my species.
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posted
I think the species can be furthered without necessarily passing on one's own genetic material, but that's just me.
Kat what are the "appropriate" amounts? I mean how much of one's life is actually taken up doing those sorts of things vs mundane drudgery (which I don't necessarily count as "duty" persay)
quote:Originally posted by BannaOj: I think the species can be furthered without necessarily passing on one's own genetic material, but that's just me.
Except that, "To let others further my species" isn't a very fulfilling answer to the question, "Why am I here?". I'm happy that not everybody feels the need to reproduce, especially since I wholeheartedly agree with the decision of most people who don't. I just happen to be one of the people who do feel the need.
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posted
For me it is about how I feel about the things I have done, as well as the things I haven't.
Loving my wife, my family, and my friends, realizing that there are (at least for me) two families.....the kind you are borne into and the one you make for yourself with your friends. Doing my best for myself, but always remembering that what I do affects others as well, for better or worse.
I want children, so to me that is a huge part of living my life well, although that may not apply to everyone else...nor should it have to.
Making myself proud of the effort I have put into things I care about as well as the results, and realizing that sometimes the things you fail to do aren't important.....the fact that you tried to do them is. It is way too easy to get caught up in the "results are everything" school of thought, and that isn't what I have always believed.
Doing the best I can while balancing all of my responsibilities at anything I do, be that work, class, or parenting.
In some ways I have already done more than I thought I ever would. There are 13 people in the world that would not be living if it weren't for me and the fact that I was an EMT....and none of them were battlefield injuries. I helped a baby be delivered, and helped crash victims...even helped a few victims of violence along the way. Not everyone survived...more didn't than did, as is the normal way of things....but at least someone tried to help them.
I was that guy some of the time, thank God. It was hard, and I still have bad dreams about some of the things I saw, but I wouldn't have been able to live with myself had I been the type to just walk away.
I helped develop drugs for human use, and helped redesign the program that is still in use today. But I wasn't a good soldier, and I knew it.
I have also done things poorly, or not in good faith, that I would have never guessed I would do. Nothing horrible, but there were a few years there where I was not the sort of person I have always hoped I would be. I took some valuable lessons from those years, and am not longer making those types of choices. As a matter of fact, I feel I am a stronger and better person because of those years.
As long as you learn and grow your whole life, I feel it has been pretty well lived, I guess.
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Seeing the humanity in unlovable people and loving them through an act of will if not of heart.
Being willing to change myself when change is necessary and holding fast to my principles when change is detrimental.
Trying always to be a better, kinder person than I'm really inclined to be.
(I didn't mean it to, but to me the above is reminiscent of a secular version of prevenient and sanctifying grace. Interesting, given how mad I've been at the church for the past couple of years. Maybe I'm starting to get over it...)
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quote:Originally posted by BannaOj: I think the species can be furthered without necessarily passing on one's own genetic material, but that's just me.
Except that, "To let others further my species" isn't a very fulfilling answer to the question, "Why am I here?".
How about "helping to ensure that the next generation grows up happy and healthy"? Many of the people I have known who have had the most fulfilling lives (IMO), had no biological children of their own -- but hundreds of "children" of one kind or another.
Don't get me wrong, I think having and raising kids is a very important thing. I'm just not convinced that it is a crucial element in a "well-lived life."
posted
If you try to do the right thing, if you make the world better for your being in it, if you live your life without accumulating unresolvable regrets, you have had a live well lived.
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posted
1. Laugh a lot. 2. CT's list. 3. Learn to love everyone and never write anyone off ever. 4. Enjoy the beauty of nature every day. 5. Share. 6. Give.
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quote:Originally posted by BannaOj: I think the species can be furthered without necessarily passing on one's own genetic material, but that's just me.
Except that, "To let others further my species" isn't a very fulfilling answer to the question, "Why am I here?".
How about "helping to ensure that the next generation grows up happy and healthy"? Many of the people I have known who have had the most fulfilling lives (IMO), had no biological children of their own -- but hundreds of "children" of one kind or another.
Don't get me wrong, I think having and raising kids is a very important thing. I'm just not convinced that it is a crucial element in a "well-lived life."
Then don't put it on your list. Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I've been reading this and just wanted to say I like this thread. My list includes many of the things that have already been said. I think that kindness is a really big one. I also think that having a defined set of values and striving to follow them is a big part of a life well-lived. But I reserve the right to be judgmental about the values chosen! ;-)
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posted
Being still (in my interpretation) means that I learn to pause, to quiet myself, to learn to just "be" without always "doing." It's finding peace and then resting in that peace.
Which for us Type A (AA, AAA . . . *grin*) folks is a huge challenge.
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quote:Don't get me wrong, I think having and raising kids is a very important thing. [Smile] I'm just not convinced that it is a crucial element in a "well-lived life."
quote:Being still (in my interpretation) means that I learn to pause, to quiet myself, to learn to just "be" without always "doing." It's finding peace and then resting in that peace.
Which for us Type A (AA, AAA . . . *grin*) folks is a huge challenge.
Oh! For me, it's the opposite challenge: to keep moving. It's amazing to me to think that there are people in the world who have to make it their mission in life to overcome what I would like to do effortlessly.
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posted
I would say that a life well lived is one that adds meaning/value to the world. And I'd think that there are two ways to do that:
1) Choosing things to care deeply about and pursuing those things the best that you can. You can care about family, friends, a career, hobby, knowledge, truth, or anything else in the world. It doesn't really matter what; what matters is that you be enthusiastic about whatever you choose to care about in life - and thus add meaning to the world by making your own life more meaningful.
2) Helping others to live their own lives well - and thus adding meaning to the world by making the lives of others more meaningful.
Those who live their lives best would align both of these - care deeply about things that also help others to live their own lives well. The parent who cares about their kids, and thus also allows their kids to live better lives. The leader who cares about making helpful policy, and thus enabling countless citizens to live better lives. The thinker who cares about discovering truth, and in doing so allows for the discovery of things that will help countless others live better.
A step below that would be those who do one at the expense of the other: For instance, a selfish person who pursues his or her own interests at the expense of others. Or, conversely, a person who drives himself or herself to do things that better the world, but hates doing so.
And then below that would be those who do neither of the above two things. That would be the unhappy person who not only has nothing to care about in his or her own life, but also destroys the lives of others too.
posted
I am always thoroughly amazed by people that can slow down long enough to smell the roses, as it were. *twinkles*
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posted
I'm not fan of the idea of "living well" as distinct from "living in contentment"; I think all it does it make people with good fortune feel guilty for it.
Anyway, I'll be content when I have enough money that I don't need to work, enough time to learn about things I want to learn about, and a significant other whom I find endlessly beautiful and fascinating and to whom I can always grow closer. I personally don't want to have any kids; I think they cost too much and are too demanding. But that's just my opinion; certainly I'm hoping enough other people have kids to make up for my not having any.
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posted
I may be parsing a nuance here, but there is a difference, in my mind between "living well" which sounds similar to the phrase "living the good life" which has more affluence implied by it, than the phrase "a life well-lived." I was not intending to imply anything about financial status at all, and financial status actually isn't in any part of my personal "life well-lived" definition.
(Now if it truly is part of your own definition that's fine, because this question is so personal in nature, but I wanted to clarify because it appeared that there may have been some misunderstanding)
A life well-lived, I think, is one that is able to find the bright spots of joy in the dark times.
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posted
BannaOj, I thought the distinction you made was quite clear, but you just made it crystal clear.
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quote:I'm not fan of the idea of "living well" as distinct from "living in contentment"; I think all it does it make people with good fortune feel guilty for it.
I disagree on that point. I'd say living in contentment is very different from living well. There is no great joy in contentment; it is more akin to just an absence of suffering. A wealthy enough man could sleep all day and party all night, and he would be content, but I don't think there would be anything particularly well-lived about such a life. In fact, even though he would be content, I don't think such a person would really even be all that happy. If he lived his whole life that way he might think he was as happy as he could be, but that would only be because he doesn't realize there are greater things in life than contentment.
I think contentment can be good or bad for you, depending on how it influences you. Insofar as contentment frees you from worry, anger, and guilt it is a good thing, because those sort of negative emotions make it difficult to live a well-lived life. But on the other hand, if contentment causes you to become someone who has no drive to pursue anything beyond contentment itself, then I think it can be a bad thing. I think having the right kind of contentment is probably an important part of living life well.
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posted
I got a book about this for Christmas, it was called "Five Wishes". It wasn't overly intellectual, but I liked it. It talked about what, if one were dying and life had not been a success, would be 5 things one wished one had done. I guess it was good in that it challenged one to look into death and failure to find meaning, which made it more real than a lot of "plug your ears and say la la la" self help books. Then those failures are transformed into goals. I had a hard time coming up with five:
1. Being a child of God, know Thee, the only true God and Jesus Christ, abide in grace etc.
2. Be a faithful wife and nurturing mother, grandmother.
3. Share my susbstance with the needy in body and spirit (which relates a lot to #1... that was the trouble of making 5).
4. Magnify my talents
5....
I think there would need to be something here, something I currently fear, that I will continue to be distracted and fail to every finish anything that I start. Like the thing about talents. There's so many things I could do, and only so much time. I heard a sermon on that this week too.
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posted
I agree that some people might achieve greater contentment by, say, helping the less fortunate than by not doing so. But if living "well" isn't going to make me more content, what reason do I have for living "well"? Maybe "contentment" is too weak a word for the best state of mind for a person to be in; maybe "sense of exaltation" or "sense of sublimity" would be better.
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posted
I have to wonder whether my motives for helping people were entirely pure or if I just want to do it to get into heaven. I think it has to be on the level of "I enjoy this, I think you would enjoy it too." Or "If I were you, I would want this." Sometimes it's just understanding, like rather than feeling annoyed at how the homeless ride the busses to stay warm, to consider what it must be like to consider riding a bus a luxury. I still wish they wouldn't do it, but I feel for them - except for the guy who marks his territory by swearing loudly. But maybe he has "high" functioning Tourette's Syndrome, and how difficult must his whole life have been made by that?
It's odd, because certainly they wouldn't want my pity, but the bridge of understanding is a kind of love. It's like placing a jigsaw puzzle piece.
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posted
I try to make sure my actions pass the thirty years test. "In thirty years, if I look back on this, will I regret doing this/leaving this undone?" Of course I can't always know-- but the answer usually helps me test my motives.
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posted
Omega, do you understand the difference of nuance that I'm trying to draw between the two phrases "well-lived" and "living well"?
One is the difference in tense. "living well" is in the present, while "well-lived" is looking back over a longer period of time.
Instead of the phrase "living well" the phrases "living life to its fullest" or "living in the moment" or even "living in awareness" may help convey the sentiment I mean when one looks back on a "well-lived" life.
As for the reason for wanting a well-lived life, I believe that it is an end unto itself if you are able to look back on your life (as long or short as it has been) and say, for the most part that it has been "well-lived".
If you have any religious inclinations, you may believe in eternal rewards also. However, in most of the religious I'm aware of, it isn't considered to be the highest order of "well-living" if you are doing it only for future rewards. (and in fact in that case it may not be "well-living" at all)
I think there is a difference between "contentment" and "inner peace". Contentment can lead in some cases to stagnation and lack of personal growth. I don't think "inner peace" ever leads to stagnation, but instead stimulates one to grow further.
I personally have felt a bit of stagnation creep into my life lately and have been trying to figure out what I need to do to rectify the situation. There are times in one's life where one may need to withdraw from the world for personal introspection, however becoming maudlin in one's introspection is not necessarily healthy either.
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