posted
I'm a senior in high school and I don't have my license yet -- I'm really hoping to get it before I go to college. The trouble is, driving terrifies me. Both my parents have stick shifts, which just makes it harder. (In fact, if I had an automatic car to drive, I'd probably have my license by now). My ride to school is long, with very heavy traffic, and lots of hills... And what really scares me the most is starting up on hills. I've practiced it plenty on deserted country roads, and I do it fine, but as soon as there's another car behind me, I freak out and do it wrong. The worst part is the anxiety. I tell myself that I'll drive to school every morning, so every morning I wake up terrified. Every time I chicken out and don't drive to school, I beat myself up about it all day. The other thing is, I just have this morbid fear of car accidents. I keep thinking of all the people I've ever heard of who've died on car accidents, and I keep imagining it happening over and over. Driving seems so insanely dangerous, especially with all the traffic these days... I've had driver's ed and we're trying to schedule the driving lessons with the instructor. That might help a bit, but of course that car is an automatic. Any tips?? Similar experiences? Anything? How do you get used to a stick shift???
Posts: 930 | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
Why don't you try being terrified of being a 45 year old woman whose husband and children have to drive her anywhere she wants to go? You wouldn't believe how many there are.
I'm not trying to be mean, just putting a different face on it. I do think it's good you are talking about it.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I learned to drive in SLC. My older brothers learned to drive in Marin County/San Francisco so they felt I had it easy, but 10 years later I still hate driving in Utah. I willingly wear the Little Woman hat and let DH drive when we have to visit family.
It gets a little better as you get used to how cars operate--that will let you focus more on the road.
That doesn't address, however, the fundamental insanity waiting to happen whenever you're on the road. I often look out my window and marvel that a shared dream of traffic rules and few millimeters of paint are all that stand between me and my kids, and a gruesome death.
Driving ISN'T natural. Humans aren't made to go that fast. Driving is dangerous and a highly lethal activity.
*pause*
It occurs to me that perhaps I'm not being very comforting.
What are you going to do for a car when you go to college? Borrow a parent's, or get your own?
I'd rather be driving a little automatic mini-econobox than a stick. Especially since I haven't learned how to drive a stick yet. And I'm 28, and have no excuse for my ignorance. Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Tara, where do you live? What type of hills are they? I remember being a very good driver in MI, but when we went to PA I was in deep trouble because of the steep hills.
It gets better, and I find driving to be a lot of fun.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Tara, is there a less crowded, longer route you could take to school? Somewhere away from the main crush of traffic?
What has worked for me is reviewing my route, so I at least don't have to worry about getting lost; leaving with plenty of time, so I don't have to do anything foolish; and praying before I drive. (really)
Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:Driving seems so insanely dangerous, especially with all the traffic these days...
Heh, you must live near DC.
<checks>
Close enough.
I have a confession - I'm finishing my sophomore year of college, and I don't have my full license yet. Don't worry too much about it, your time will come.
posted
Boy, what did people do before automatic transmissions?
What do people in Europe do today?
They practice, practice, practice until they master the skills needed to handle a car with a standard transmission.
My kids will learn to drive a "stick" right from the start. Even if it kills 'em!
I can remember my mom parking my younger sister on a very steep (and deserted) hill by our house and making her practice her starts. Drove my sister insane... but she can now operate a standard transmission without even thinking about it. And her and my mom still have a good relationship! Posts: 692 | Registered: Feb 2000
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My wife feels much the same as you, Tara. She's nearly 29. I think maybe this will be the summer for her to get licensed, we finally have an easy to drive car that works well and such.
On driving a stick, just practice. It may take a while, but it will feel pretty natural eventually. I still feel anxiety when I am stopped on a steep hill at a red light with cars behind me. I think many people forget that there are still stick shifts out there and they pull up too close for comfort.
I highly recommend making gradual progress and not pushing yourself too much, but don't give up altogether or it may never get done.
Posts: 369 | Registered: Apr 2007
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Why do they even still make standard transmission cars? (I never learned how to drive stick, and probably never will).
Posts: 1569 | Registered: Dec 2004
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Do either cars have hand breaks? I know when I first learned a stick, I used a hand break to cheat on steep hills. You don't want to get into the habit, but I don't see how it could hurt when you are first learning.
To tell you the truth, I kind of prefer a stick shift. It somehow makes you feel more connected. Plus, I found in high school and college at least, it impressed girls. After you have practiced for a while, it becomes second nature. You don't even have to think about it, you just know when to shift by the sound of your engine, and you do it by feel.
The biggest downside/annoyance is you can't eat in the car. When you drive a stick, you need both hands to be available (one for the wheel, and one for the stick). When you are in a rush and trying to eat and drive, it can be very awkward.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Time and experience do bring confidence. It will take a while. (I'm sure you knew that.)
My best suggestion is- do you have a calm person who can ride shotgun with you who knows how to drive? Emphasis on calm- parents are not necessarily the best choice for this. You need someone who isn't going to freak out if you start to roll backwards on a hill a little, or brake to come to an intersection a little later than they'd like. Just the presence of someone who knows what they're doing can help a lot, enough to make suggestions without becoming a back-seat driver (or passenger-seat) driver.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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I drive a stick and love it. I also eat in the car all the time. I find sriving stick keeps my focus on the road. However, to be fair, I cannot drive my car up to my brother's house. I park at the beginning of the street and then hike up (it is a very steep hill and I am not sure I would try it even with an automatic). Drive lots and it will get better. I agree with the suggestion to try different, perhaps longer routes to avoid traffic.
Posts: 2223 | Registered: Mar 2008
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1) Anxiety at the levels you are describing can be debilitating. You may need more than just practice to overcome these fears. Habituation (through exposure) and relaxation techniques may help you get there.
2) The actual incidence of serious injury and fatal crashes is quite low. It's not zero, of course, but it is low. If you think of all the miles we drive in this country, and the number of trips we take, it seems preposterous that we only see 40,000 deaths on the roadway each year. But that's the rough number annually. Sure, there are more crashes with a serious injury, but still, your chances of being in one of those crashes is quite low overall.
You ARE in a high risk group, though -- teen novice drivers are the highest risk group in terms of age. There are things you can do to reduce your risk. I assume your state has graduated licensing. If so, the provisions of it probably include restrictions on the number of other teens you can have in the car, and the hours during which you can drive. Those restrictions have been shown to save teens'lives. If your state doesn't have GDL, then you could still adopt some of the limitations yourself until you gain confidence.
Another possibility is professional lessons. The professional teachers are typically moonlighting law enforcement officers. They have a lot of training and experience on the road and can get you to be where you are comfortable and confident behind the wheel much more effectively than the typical high school driving instructor working in a group setting. And, frankly, you sound like you might need some one-on-one attention. The professional could also evaluate your skills and your level of fear of the driving task and advise you as to the best way to improve.
Ultimately, I'd say that some fear is good. It's warranted, and it could help you make safer decisions than some of your peers are likely to do in their first years of driving. Over-confidence is a major factor in teen driving mistakes -- the confidence that comes from excellent vision and reaction times, but is not backed up by practiced skills.
As you gain experience, if you find that your anxiety level does not drop, then I would suggest some professional help from a psychologist. A person qualified in behavior modification would be my choice in a situation like that. But that decision should be made based on whether you are facing a debilitating fear that stops you from being who you want to be. I'd keep that as an option if it turns out that you really can't get over this once you've had some professional driving lessons.
I hope that all makes sense.
As for stick versus automatic, most professional driving schools use automatic transmission vehicles and may let you use that vehicle for the driving test. I think driving stick in hilly areas is a difficult enough skill to learn that it could very well impede your progress towards becoming a competent and confident driver. But it should not be an absolute barrier. Manual transmissions are easy to operate even in adverse conditions and don't show up often as a contributing factor in crashes here in the US. That is manual transmission vehicles aren't disproportionately showing up in the crash statistics. Per mile driven, they are just as safe as a vehicle with an automatic transmission.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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quote:Originally posted by neo-dragon: Why do they even still make standard transmission cars? (I never learned how to drive stick, and probably never will).
Well, for one reason, they cater to the market that already does know how to drive stick. The company I used to work for sold manuals at lower cost by a few grand, and if you knew how to drive one, wouldn't a few grand be worth it?
posted
I completely know what you mean. My driver's ed teacher was the hugest jerk, and always said and did things to make me and the other girl in the car scared and tense and nervous. It put me off driving for the longest time, and stick shift was even worse.
What I did was that I told myself I loved driving. I did it all the time. Every time I thought of driving, I said out loud, I love driving! Driving is my favorite activity in the entire world! I can't wait until this afternoon when I will get to drive again! I was actually more just trying to get myself in a silly mood so that my driver's ed teacher wouldn't make me cry again, but it eventually convinced me.
I love to drive now. My car is standard transmission, and my next car probably will be too (I like driving stick-shift). Driving is really therapeutic for me now: I drove home to calm myself down after we had to put my cat to sleep, and I always run errands when I'm feeling stressed or upset.
I hope your worrying over this lessens!
Posts: 910 | Registered: May 2000
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I've always driven cars with manual transmissions, but recently the few hire cars I've had have been automatic. It takes a bit of getting used to from the other side too; especially if you are used to usnig the engine to slow down, or you want to change gear and automatically push down with your left foot on the nearest pedal and slam on the brakes... Sorry...
I was very nervous when learning to drive too. I had no problems when I was with my instructor, but when I had to take the test I became a nervous wreck. My instructor suggested I tried valerian pills, a herbal tranquiliser, and it worked for me. I'm not sure whether it was a placebo effect or just that after 30 hours of lessons I wasn't worried any more, but I passed.
As for hill starts, I was taught to always use the handbrake. You stop, put on the hand brake and then lift the clutch until you feel the point where the engine is holding you and then release the handbrake. Some instructors would place a matchbox behind the rear wheel. If you rolled back at ll, you crushed the box and had to keep practicing. s with most things it's a knack. Once you get the feel for it it becomes second nature.
If you are really worried on the road, try doing as LargeTuna suggests and plan for travelling outside of high traffic times, at least until you get more comfortable behind the wheel.
Starting on hills was definitely anxiety-inducing while I was learning stick. It took quite a while before it really clicked. I still remember the first time I took my dad's car out and didn't stall once the whole trip. I think it was my senior year of college or just after graduating.
Posts: 1810 | Registered: Jan 1999
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posted
I like driving in the summer. One of my favorite feelings in the Spring is the first time I get into my car without a coat on and feel the seat belt tightly against my chest with just a t-shirt between us. Put the window down, crank up some Dave Matthews and off for a drive.
I never learned how to drive a manual. My parents both know how, but no one in the family has a manual. I have one friend who has one, and it just doesn't seem worth the effort. The few times I've ridden in a car with a manual drive I haven't enjoyed it. Automatics in my opinion cost more than manuals, but the added cost is worth the convenience. The fuel savings over the life of the car probably add up, but for a single mpg, which is about what you save, I just don't think it's worth the hassle. I make up for it by using cruise control and smooth braking/acceleration.
As a side note having to do with fuel economy, I just took my car in and got the fuel system all cleaned out and wow, I cannot believe the difference it has made in my fuel economy. My car when I first got it probably averaged 24 mpg, though I'd get 32 on pure highway driving (I have a 2002 Ford Focus). Lately it's been abysmal, something like 18-20mpg and no matter what I did it wouldn't improve. I thought the guy at the repair place was just trying to bilk me for more money, but I had a little extra since another repair was cheaper than I thought it'd be so I said why not? I'm very impressed with the results, I think I'm on course to get something more like the original 26-28 I got when I first bought it.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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I have a license; my parents made helping pay for my college expenses contingent on me passing the driving test before I left home. In the seven years since then, I've been behind the wheel three times, and never for more than a quick circuit of a parking lot to remind myself which pedal does what. Baring some sort of emergency, that's likely to be all the driving I ever do.
There are trade-offs, of course. I moved thousands of miles away from home to land myself in a city with excellent public transportation. I pay premium rent to live a block from a Metro station. My job options are limited to those accessible by public transportation.
I've very rarely regretted choosing to go car-free. I love my city, the rent premium is still far, far less than the cost of maintaining a car and gas, and I've found most places in this region are accessible by public transportation if you're determined enough (people are regularly shocked that I'm able to get to my far-flung suburban job via transit).
I think pushing past your fear enough to learn how to drive is valuable, and I think understanding the costs of living car-free is important. . .but I also think it's worth remembering that there are alternatives to a driving lifestyle.
Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Originally posted by neo-dragon: Why do they even still make standard transmission cars? (I never learned how to drive stick, and probably never will).
Well, for one reason, they cater to the market that already does know how to drive stick. The company I used to work for sold manuals at lower cost by a few grand, and if you knew how to drive one, wouldn't a few grand be worth it?
That's a good point. I didn't think about the difference in price.
In any case, I've simply never had a reason or an opportunity to learn how to drive stick.
Posts: 1569 | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by neo-dragon: Why do they even still make standard transmission cars? (I never learned how to drive stick, and probably never will).
An experienced driver in a stick shift car has better control and more fuel efficiency than an automatic. You can feel the road through the gear shift in a way that you can't in an aut. Same with non-power steering. Resting your hands on the wheel or the gearshift is a purely mechanical connection to the road. You can feel the bumps, you can feel gravel and ice and a lot of other things. It's also more fun. Driving an automatic is like sitting there and letting the car roll. I learned on a stick, only driven an aut a few times. Oh, yeah, stick cars are cheaper, too.
Posts: 354 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I think I understand your position. At 35 I do not drive, still. Severe anxiety, really phobia level anxiety about driving. Even thinking about driving makes me queasy.
I think some of it comes from having had a few too many friends die in car crashes, as well as being a passenger in 2 different car crashes.
I advise, finding a way to get past this, however you can. Being an nan-driving adult mother is VERY difficult. It really messes with one's feelings of self worth, especially as a parent.
I will be thinking about you and wishing the best for you, even as I struggle with the same issue.
posted
I hate driving. I can if I have to (I have a license) but I don't like to. And in fact I haven't in a few years. I should probably take a driving class before I do it again...
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Tara, when I was learning to drive, I used to get freaked out as well by cars behind me. I recommend shifting your rear view mirror a little so that you can't see him. NOT so much that he is completely out of your view, but just enough that you'd have to shift your head a little from your normal sitting position in order to see him.
Posts: 1080 | Registered: Apr 2006
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quote:Originally posted by pooka: Why don't you try being terrified of being a 45 year old woman whose husband and children have to drive her anywhere she wants to go? You wouldn't believe how many there are.
I'm not trying to be mean, just putting a different face on it. I do think it's good you are talking about it.
Is that considerably more frightening than being a 44 year old woman who doesn't have a husband of children to drive her anywhere*? Which I find occasionally quite inconvenient but less scary than the idea of me driving.
Not that you should be frightened of either, Tara. Driving is a very useful skill and I don't see any reason you couldn't master it.
*though I do have some very kind friends.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I could die. I could kill my children. I could kill someone else.
That's why driving scares me... A car is a very scary thing. I have never felt I'm really good enough at handling it that I should do so.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: I could die. I could kill my children. I could kill someone else.
That's why driving scares me... A car is a very scary thing.
I completely agree. While I have mostly gotten past my fears -- ambyr's solution, while unquestionably clever and elegant, would not work for me, so I don't have much choice -- I still dislike driving long distances. I drive because I need to. And I completely understand and empathize with being afraid to do so.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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What ambyr said. Works for me. It helps that I live in a city that has reasonably good public transportation - though I have lived in cities that don't.
Would that we all had good public transport.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Lupus: To tell you the truth, I kind of prefer a stick shift. It somehow makes you feel more connected. Plus, I found in high school and college at least, it impressed girls. After you have practiced for a while, it becomes second nature. You don't even have to think about it, you just know when to shift by the sound of your engine, and you do it by feel.
I agree with this part wholeheartedly (except, from my experience, for the part about impressing the girls). Practice is definitely key.
Personally, I really like manual transmission. Unfortunately, I haven't driven much in the past year since "my" (really my parents') car is up in Oregon, while I'm down here in LA.
Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
I learned on a stick, and took my driver's test in our old Corolla with a worn out clutch. I failed parallel parking because the stupid thing wouldn't go into reverse.
You can learn to drive a stick. It takes a few more tries, perhaps, but once you get it it's like riding a bike--you don't have to think about it anymore.
I like the stick because I have more control and can feel the car better. I'm more involved in every action, like speeding up, slowing down, turning a corner, etc. Plus, knowing how to drive a stick does open up my options. I can drive any car out there, rather than just the automatics.
Since my city has no public transportation to speak of, but is spread out for miles, driving a car is essential to getting where you need to go here. My wife doesn't like to drive much, either, but she does fine, and even recently took the kids on a 4-hour drive to see the family. That definitely built her confidence in her driving abilities.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
In Baltimore, you have to drive. You have to drive in traffic, and you have to drive on hills. It just sucks. But, anyway, THANK YOU for all the advice, I appreciate your time. It's going fairly well -- today I had some good moments were I started up on a steep hill. To say the truth, I don't really regret anymore that I have a stick shift. I think I can do it, and it definitely feels better than driving a automatic. And it impresses your friends . But still...I'm too young to die.... Also, it's surprising to me how many of my friends don't have their licenses yet (even though I'm one of them). I read somewhere, might've been Consumer Reports, that said kids are getting their licenses later and later these days -- I think it said only 60% of 16-year-old have their licenses. I bet it's cause of all the dern traffic!!
Posts: 930 | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
Insurance is definitely an issue. I have a daughter that is about to turn 16, and she does want her license right away, but I don't know. We may wait until we can actually afford a used, reliable, gas-efficient car for her and pay cash for it and put liability on it. I've heard that's cheaper usually than adding her to my comprehensive coverage on our vehicles.
We'll see.
Tara, I think what Bob said is very wise, and some of the advice you've gotten here has been excellent. Keep building confidence, and take when the test when you feel ready - not before.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
So if you folks are so afraid of driving why are you willing to ride in cars? Or for that matter ride a bike from place to place? At least while driving you have a slight bit more control over your fate that you do as a passenger (a slight bit, mind.)
Posts: 1621 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I trust my husband's driving waaaay more than I do mine. And my mom's. I try not to be a passenger with my dad (who is the one who taught me; which might not have been the best idea...)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Oh, and I don't ride a bike, either. Mostly I walk. Walking I can stay on the sidewalk, away from the cars.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:In Baltimore, you have to drive. You have to drive in traffic, and you have to drive on hills. It just sucks.
Huh. While it definitely isn't New York or DC, I'd say Baltimore has far better than average public transit for an American city, and I'd be happy living there without a car. Just goes to show it's all a matter of perspective; I do know lots of people wouldn't be.
Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:In Baltimore, you have to drive. You have to drive in traffic, and you have to drive on hills. It just sucks.
Huh. While it definitely isn't New York or DC, I'd say Baltimore has far better than average public transit for an American city, and I'd be happy living there without a car. Just goes to show it's all a matter of perspective; I do know lots of people wouldn't be.
Wow - I must be from a different Baltimore than you are! I was under the impression Baltimore had especially terrible public transportation. Except for the light rail, I've never ridden any form of public transit in Baltimore - because it's simply not convenient. Also, I just learned recently that there is sort of a stimga against riding buses in Baltimore - that it's reserved for poor people only. Which is sort of a terrible thing - Oh well. Baltimore is not the greatest of cities.
Posts: 930 | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
The bus thing is almost universal, I've found. There is usually not such a stigma against the train and subway systems, for some reason.
But when I've actually gotten on a bus, I've found hardly any "poor people" on them (a few housekeepers, and now and again a dishwasher or two, but almost never homeless people or anything) and lots of students, some businesspeople in suits, and other mothers of young children, like me, whose husbands have the family cars while they are at work. I have also found the buses to be almost universally clean and quiet-- often moreso than the trains.
posted
I think it's the waiting for the bus that can make you feel lower class. That's when you really feel it--standing there on the side of the road, waiting for the big, clunky bus to finally chug up, while the BMWs and Mercedes zip by.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Hmmm. I suppose it could, but when I'm surrounded by students listening to music on their ipods and businessmen with briefcases making calls with their Bluetooth headsets while texting on their Blackberries, I don't feel so lower-class. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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