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Author Topic: My theories on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight conclusion (spoilers)
Belle
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There are definitely spoilers below, but honestly, people, if I spoil this book for you and spare you from reading it, then you should send me money.

So, I read Breaking Dawn yesterday, really fast. Because I couldn't wait to find out what happened? No, not really. Because I got to the point that I was just scanning pages and flipping them trying to get to the end and put myself out of my own misery. What kept me going was professional curiosity - I AM a trained literary analyst after all. I've spent years honing my skills at examining works and pulling significance out of them. Yeah. I mean it. I have.

So, given that I am a trained literary professional I have developed some theories about how this monstrosity came about.

Theory #1

Meyer had a bet with someone that she couldn't possibly make this book over 750 pages. So, once she wrote what was important in the book (Ha!) she had to pad pages with meaningless drivel. Lots of it. Pages and pages of it. Oh, heck, chapters and chapters of it.

Theory #2

Meyer has been infected with a dread disease known as "J.K. Rowling syndrome." You know it, of course - the disease that causes you to think that because you are a super-popular best-selling author you no longer need an editor. You no longer need to edit at all.

Theory #3

She had no idea where the series was going and was forced to make stuff up.

Theory #4

She reads her own fan-fiction, and stole the plot idea from an 11 year old girl.

I'm leaning toward a combo of all of them, with a slight emphasis on #4, actually.

Picture this scene:

Meyer has a deadline to deliver book 4 in the "Acclaimed Twilight Series, ZOMG!!1!" and is panicking, because, well, frankly she never bothered to plot the end of the series and doesn't know what to do. Not only that, she has made a bet with someone that she can get the dratted thing to 750+ pages. This will require, of course, making up a bunch of pointless crap that has nothing to do with the books she's already published. But where does one go to get ideas to make up pointless crap?

Fan fiction of course. And there she runs across a sweet little girl, let's call her Mary Sue, who has written a lovely piece about Jacob because she likes Jacob, and wants him to be happy, so she gives Jacob someone to love and "imprint" upon. But because we can't leave out our principal characters ("B+E 4Ever!") she decides to make the person Jacob falls in love with be Bella's daughter because, like he loves Bella but he can't have her, not really, because like, she's in love with Edward ("OMG, I can't wait for the movie bcuz the guy playing Edward is so HOT!!1!") so how about if Edward and Bella get married and have a kid and that kid is a girl and Jacob imprints on her and then he can have her and Bella and Edward can be married and it will be so great they'll all live happiy ever after in like, one famiy! OMG!!1! PONIES!!1!

And Meyer read this and thought...wow, what a great idea for my book.

And you're thinking to yourself, jatraqueroes, that Belle cannot be serious at this point. And yet, sadly, I am. Serious. Yeah, that's the plot.

Now, I'm an English major. Trained literary professional, remember? Which means, of course I'm not a biologist. Or an expert in anatomy and physiology. But still, I think...if I'm not mistaken...that dead people don't produce sperm. Maybe I'm just crazy??? There is actually an explanation for it too. Hold on to your hats folks...Meyer tells us in the novel, that men can go on fathering children into their 90's. Yeah, but I think there is a big ole pre-requisite - they have to be ALIVE!! [Eek!]

Oh, and did you know that vampires have 25 sets of chromosomes? Because their DNA changes when they get bitten. And werewolves have 24. Just so you know. And because Bella is human when she gets pregnant and she has 23, and Edward is a vampire and has 25, then Carlisle thinks the baby has 24 - because that's what you get when you average together 23 and 25, after all.

You know, that thread about the chromosomes, despite being ridiculous, actually had some merit for minute. I thought for a minute that the book was going to tell us that Bella carried a werewolf, and that was how the werewolves came about...and maybe there was some substance despite the redonkulousness. But no, it went nowhere. Chromosomes never came up again.

That's pretty much the whole book, BTW. Something comes up and it might be worthwhile and you get the feeling that if you just keep reading it will make sense and it will tie everything together and there will be light at the end of the tunnel and Godot will finally arrive. Only he doesn't, and the plot never resolves into, well, a plot.

There's actually a WWE showdown at the end with the Voluturi and lots of other vampires that we've never heard of and so many in fact that Meyer gives us a helpful footnote at one point when Bella worries how she'll ever keep track of the sheer number of new vampires. The footnote reads "see page 756" and we flip there and there's a helpful guide to all the vampires on page 756. Thanks Stephenie Meyer! I love it when authors throw in a huge number of pointless, useless characters that add nothing to the plot except a need for you to create a character guide for them!

Seriously, there is like a huge fight brewing with a bunch of vampires and werewolves (only they're not werewolves, not really, they are shape-shifters and there ARE real werewolves but most of them are gone and the reason this huge bombshell is dropped near the end of the book is because it's incredibly important and relevant to the plot...oh wait...no it isn't, it's just a huge revelation about the nature of Jacob and his people that is not really important but just sort of thrown in there. See theories 1 & 3 above). The "good" vampires and werewolves-not-real-werewolves are on one side and the Volture or "bad vampires" are on the other. And there's going to be a big fight, because Edward and Bella's one-of-a-kind, never-seen-before half-vampire/half-human child (think Blade without the coolness factor) is SOOO dangerous she must be killed. But the "good" vampires are going to win because Bella, who is now a vampire, has become "Super-Bella" and has the power to protect everyone so they'll all stay safe. And, there's a helpful friend who has shown up out of...nowhere...who can control the elements. His name is Benjamin, or maybe it's deus-ex-machina, I'm not real sure.

THEN...before there can actually be a fight, Alice Cullen shows up with ANOTHER vampire child
(because Bella and Edward's child is NOT unique, even though Meyer spent the whole novel going on and on about how unique she was - GOTCHA!) and seeing that child convinces the bad vampires there is no reason to fight so they leave. The vampire child's name is Renau, or Renald, or no...HE's the one named deus-ex-machina, I was mistaken.

People, I cannot make this stuff up. Stephenie Meyer can, of course. See theory #3.

So to recap:

Edward and Bella get married, have sex, and have a baby.

That baby is half-vampire, half-human and she almost kills Bella is the birthing process so Edward makes Bella a vampire to save her.

The mutant combination of 25 and 23 chromosomes makes the baby, whose name is Renesmee (no I promise I did NOT make that up!), super and special and she grows really fast, and by the way, she is Jacob's FOREVER LOVE!!

The bad guys want to kill her because vampire children are, like, a plague and must be killed. But Renesmee is not really a vampire child! How could they kill her? Don't they know Edward and Bella must live forever and be happy together! And what about Jacob's forever love??!???

So...there is this complicated plot involving EVERY FRICKIN' VAMPIRE IN THE WHOLE WORLD coming to Forks, WA (but if you get confused, there is a helpful guide on pg 756 says the footnote) and a HUGE throwdown and fight to the death...only there isn't because Alice shows up and saves the day by producing a never-before-seen or heard-of vampire hybrid child created in the Amazon jungle by a rogue vampire out to create a master race.

But it's all okay, because Edward and Bella will live happily ever after and so will Jacob and Renesmee.

*wipes tear* Doesn't it just warm your heart?

Run people, run from this book and never look back.

You have been warned.

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Scott R
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My. Oh. My.

Some authors DON'T plan their plots, and they manage to keep things together.

They have the advantage of being good writers, though.

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Synesthesia
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I seriously don't care.
I liked the book...

Plus it's frigging better than the Eragorn books. Much more well written.

I fail to see how it's that bad.

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Scott R
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quote:
Plus it's frigging better than the Eragorn books. Much more well written.

This is not a convincing argument.

But I'm happy to let you enjoy your book. Just ignore whenever I post about Stephanie Meyer.

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Belle
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I forgot to add something - *spoilers* again, if you care. And you shouldn't.

My daughter has read all the books, and she enjoyed them up to this point, so as per usual, I read it first, and then will pass it along to my 15 year old.

So, she was watching me read, and put the book down, and then put hands to my head in utter disbelief and frustration and finally just said, "Mom, I won't get to the book right away, school just started. WHAT is going on?"

So, I told her I could give her some information quickly that wouldn't spoil much because you find it out pretty quick. So I said, "Bella and Edward get married and Bella gets pregnant."

So my wonderful daughter looked at me and said:

"Oh my gosh...Stephenie Meyer jumped the shark?"

There are some days when you know you've done your job as a parent well. *wipes tear of pride*

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katharina
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Trained literary professionals

Twilight was always a romance novel.

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Goody Scrivener
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I haven't read it yet. I still will, even after Belle's analysis (and I was giggling hysterically at that post). But I did want to mention that my teenager literally threw the book across the room at a couple different points. She is so upset at Meyer and said that this book is absolutely not YA fiction as it's being marketed.

We went to a release party at Borders, we got home about 1 am and she didnt surface for anything until about 2 pm. The book is now making the rounds among her friends, I'll finally get my shot in about 2 weeks.

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Shanna
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I wrote a pretty long review on facebook. I feel cheap copying it here so its there if you're interested.

But can I just ask how Meyer's constant reminder that vampires do no produce fluids like blood, sweat or tears. So someone explain to me how Edward got Bella pregnant???

It was worth reading the book so so I could laugh along with this blog: http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/630150.html

Oh, and she names the child "Renesmee." Really, Stephanie Meyer? Suddenly, I forgive Rowling for using "Albus Severus." I mean, it could have much worse.

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Synesthesia
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Edward=Incubus.
That's how he could knock her up.
I don't really mind. I thought it would be sad if they never got to have a kid.
Besides, it was a fairly entertaining and all the stuff I wanted to happen happened.

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Teshi
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quote:
But can I just ask how Meyer's constant reminder that vampires do no produce fluids like blood, sweat or tears. So someone explain to me how Edward got Bella pregnant???
Magic. This kid conforms to Every Single Sci Fi Kid Ever's rules. Which are: 1. They are mostly, but not entirely, unique. 2. They are conceived in some magical way. 3. They grow up faster than normal humans.

I guess it's because Sci Fi worlds can't have babies in slowing everyone down for like ten seasons/books.

I think that writers like Meyer don't really know what makes books good. When they become popular, they have no idea why and so they just kind of indulge in what amounts to their own kind of fanfiction.

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Scott R
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quote:
When they become popular, they have no idea why and so they just kind of indulge in what amounts to their own kind of fanfiction.
I don't know if this is true in Meyer's case or not, but I think it's a plausible explanation.
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TomDavidson
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quote:
the baby, whose name is Renesmee...
I blame Mormon culture. [Wink]
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Scott R
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Better blame UTAH culture. No Mormon in my area comes up with names like that.

How do you pronounce "Renesmee?"

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Zalmoxis
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Nah, if it was a Mormon thing the name would be Edella or Belldwarda.
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katharina
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I suspect that she's loved that name for the last fifteen years.

If it were me, it would have been Alequere. Fifteen points and a cookie to whomever can name the source.

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scifibum
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Renesmee. Hmm. You really could blame that on Bella and not Meyer, if you gave credit to Meyer for intentionally writing Bella as a silly girl, instead of seeing Bella as a Mary Sue who really reflects the silliness of the writer.
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James Tiberius Kirk
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quote:
That baby is half-vampire, half-human and she almost kills Bella is the birthing process so Edward makes Bella a vampire to save her.
This particular scene has been making the rounds online. It's more insane than it sounds.

--j_k

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Belle
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I was laughing at most of that blog, but I really lost it with this quote:

quote:
(You know how long this book is? "Renesmee" is starting to look like a really cute name.)
Then, of course the final sentence is priceless:

quote:
it was the best series starting with a teenage girl in love with a mysterious boy in her class that ended up with a teenage girl defending her growth-accelerated mutant hybrid baby from an ancient clan of evil vampires with her magical psychic shield that I ever read, THE END.

Thanks Shanna! Made my day. [Smile]

[ August 08, 2008, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Belle ]

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Scott R
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I'm serious about wanting to know how to pronounce Renesmee.
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scifibum
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I'd bet it's Ren - ez - may.

(Sorry I don't know any actual phonetic notation rules.)

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ketchupqueen
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I know what happened. The result of extra chromosomes, when it doesn't cause death, is usually mental retardation.

So, there you go.

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pooka
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I feel so smug for listening to Annie now.
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Bella Bee
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I've read the rest of the series, but I wasn't planning to read this book for a while - but after all the controversy, I just had to get my hands on it.

Yes, it does seem like Meyer lost the plot. But...

According to Meyer's website, she actually wrote a sequel to 'Twilight' a couple of months after she finished the original book. This was called 'Forever Dawn' and it was Edward and Bella and presumably Renesmee (horrible name!). She has a mock up of the cover she made for it - a picture of Bella with bright red eyes.

The title - Forever obviously implies eternity. Dawn suggests a new beginning.

But when Meyer got a publisher's contract, it was for three young adult books. Which meant she couldn't publish the 'adult' sequel she'd already written.

So, Meyer had to spin out the story of Bella's last year in high school for another two books.
Along the way, she appears to have accidentally raised all sorts of other issues which had not occurred to her when she wrote the original sequel.
Such as, among others, the theme of choice - and how choosing to be a vampire meant sacrificing humanity. Or whether becoming a vampire meant losing one's soul.
Plus the love triangle with Jacob. And so on.

To the casual reader, it seemed that they had some idea where the books were leading.

But behind it all, Meyer was still in love with 'Forever Dawn'.
She told her publisher that she could not tie up the story in three books - it was going to have to be four.

And this fourth book was guaranteed to sell millions. What publisher could refuse?

So Meyer seems to have gone back to her original draft. She seems to have updated it, worked it, as best she could, into the new storyline she had since created.
This was book which appears to have been published as 'Breaking Dawn'.

The lesson? Learn to kill your darlings.

Meyer could have sold just as many books and made more of her fans happy if she had written a new book which fit better with her new storyline.

However, I suppose we should praise her for sticking to her vision - it clearly meant a lot to her to end the series this way.
It's her story after all, it came out of her head and it would be a sad day if all writers felt that had to give everyone what they want.
I think she probably even knew that a lot of people would hate it and darn well wrote it anyway.
Good for her.
And also, oh dear.

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Belle
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In the book there is an explanation of the pronunciation. IIRC, it is "ruh-NEZ-may"
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Teshi
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quote:
However, I suppose we should praise her for sticking to her vision - it clearly meant a lot to her to end the series this way.
If every author stuck to their original ideas that they came up with at the beginning, I can guarantee that most series would have this same problem. All stories modify and develop as they are written, be they long or short. It is important, I think, to be able to go with the flow.

All writers, I think, have pet endings or pieces of content that they've had to toss away for the good of the story.

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PSI Teleport
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I haven't read these books but the "plot" seems to be the mutant 24-chromosome having child of L.J. Smith's "Vampire Diaries" series and Christopher Pike's "The Last Vampire" series. Except that those were pretty good. At least, they were when I was 14. Seriously, pretty much every one of the plot elements Belle named came straight out of one of those two series.
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Belle
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Speaking of pronunciation, how do you pronounce "deus-ex-machina?"

My theatre professor said the following:

DAY-oos ECK MACK-eee-nuh

but I've never been sure that was right.

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ketchupqueen
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According to my high school Latin teacher, that would be DAY-oos eckx mah-SHIN-uh. We were taught High Classical pronunciation, or some subset of it, though, and I think that term would be Church Latin... Only one school in the state that was part of the JCL learned Church Latin so I hardly heard any of it.
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ketchupqueen
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(Oh, but the sound I've transliterated as "sh" is halfway between English "sh" and "ch" sound.

So your prof wasn't that far off...)

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katharina
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DAY-oos ecks MOCK-ee-nah

Classical pronunciation, anyway - time of Cicero and Caesar and so on.

The term refers to the way Greek plays often ended, with literally a god wandering by and producing a resolution out of the ether. I'm not sure what your teacher meant by the high classical pronunciation - the high classical period is usually Greece circa the fifth century B.C. That's the right time for the plays, but the wrong time for the term deus ex machina, which is Latin. Latin-speaking Rome wouldn't get really into Greek culture until another hundred years or so later.

"machina" is a Greek word, or at least comes from a Greek word. Classical Greek pronounce "ch" somewhat like an aspirated "k," not the "ch" sound or "sh" sound we would use for it.

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Goody Scrivener
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quote:
Originally posted by Zalmoxis:
Nah, if it was a Mormon thing the name would be Edella or Belldwarda.

My daughter just explained it to me. Edward's "parents" are Carlisle and Esmee. Bella's parents are Charlie and Renee. The baby's name is a merge of the two grandmothers. Had the baby been a boy, he'd have been given a name that was a blend of Edward's and the grandfathers.
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Synesthesia
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It's an odd, odd, odd name
Nessie sounds a lot cuter I think.

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Teshi
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quote:
Carlisle and Esmee. Bella's parents are Charlie and Renee.
Obviously Meyers likes the double 'e' and the C-a-r-l-i-e ordering of letters, since she gave both sets of parents the exact same names.
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TomDavidson
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Maybe a son would've been "Charisle?"
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katharina
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quote:
Originally posted by Goody Scrivener:
quote:
Originally posted by Zalmoxis:
Nah, if it was a Mormon thing the name would be Edella or Belldwarda.

My daughter just explained it to me. Edward's "parents" are Carlisle and Esmee. Bella's parents are Charlie and Renee. The baby's name is a merge of the two grandmothers. Had the baby been a boy, he'd have been given a name that was a blend of Edward's and the grandfathers.
So it is a Mormon thing. Huh.
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scifibum
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quote:
Originally posted by TomDavidson:
Maybe a son would've been "Charisle?"

I like it better with the extra L:

Charlisle.

It is funny that the two sets of grandparents have such similar names.

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Joldo
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Am I the only one pronouncing Charlisle like some kind of bizarre rapper's name?

Yo yo, dis is Char-lizzle in da house!

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Darth_Mauve
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quote:
I'm serious about wanting to know how to pronounce Renesmee.
The name to me seems to be a very bad fan-fic desperate thing. Pronounced, "Ren is me". Perhaps an indication that the author see's Ren as a fictionalized version of herself or what she wishes she was.
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Occasional
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The "Mormon" naming thing is also a "Black" naming thing. The difference, I think, is that Mormons combine parent's names while blacks seem to pick two names they like and combine them to make a new one.

As for Stephanie Meyer's book, I am shocked that people are shocked by how bad the last book is. I enjoyed the first book, but completely understood after starting the second book that the whole series was going to be repetitious and bad. I think those who are upset by the ending fall into three categories. There are those who hate the books from the start (or at least from the second book on), those who had their own idea how it should have ended and it didn't, and those (usually secularists. The overly religious would almost never read a vampire love story) who hate Mormons. All of these come from the criticisms I have read over the Internet.

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Belle
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Well, I feel like an idiot because I'm gathering that Meyer is Mormon??? I truly had no idea.

Not that it matters, the religious beliefs of an author don't figure into my desire to read books.

I thought you guys were just being funny about Mormon names and didn't realize you were joking about Meyer choosing Mormon names because she's Mormon.

Learn something new every day.

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BlackBlade
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Either nobody truly knows what's up with Mormon names or you all don't know what you are talking about.

Caiden and Wacy to me are quintessential Mormon names. Or really anything with "SEE" or "DEN" sounds.

I found it was far more enjoyable to just have my 14 year old sister describe all four books to me in detail and then just joke about everything.

I was shopping for clothes with my wife and I said that I rather liked a particular bag, she said it wasn't really doing it for her and we continued down the rack. She suggested another bag and I said, "Nope, I've already imprinted on that other bag." Three women nearby all started laughing, and this was in California.

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Mrs.M
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I read a spoiler summary of the book a couple of days after it first came out and I couldn't even finish that. She lost me at Renesmee. That's the worst name I ever heard. Much worse that Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
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katharina
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Occasional,

I disagree with almost everything you said. This, especially:
quote:
(usually secularists. The overly religious would almost never read a vampire love story)
Why not? I can see the overly religious refusing to participate in a vampire love story, but being religious certainly does not mean that you never read anything that might be about someone who does things you disagree with. Do you think that the religious would not read Harry Potter, as well?

Secondly, while I'm all for calling people on their crappy prejudices when they occur, there are so many other, more effective ways to be anti-Mormon than disliking some badly-written, chaste romance novels.

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JennaDean
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All the Mormon women I know* are carrying around Twilight books. It cracks me up that we're now into vampire stories! Seems like a disconnect to me.

*Okay, not ALL the Mormon women I know. I know a LOT of Mormon women. But there are quite a few of them ... it's like the next Harry Potter, at least in Mormon Women circles.

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scifibum
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Guilty pleasure with a veneer of respectability because the author is known to be an active Mormon?
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katharina
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I don't think so. It's not really a guilty pleasure of the kind that makes it okay if the author is Mormon.

It's a love story and a romance novel and the whole hing drips with sensuality, but it isn't about sex itself. As EW puts it: "If this sounds steamy, rest assured (or don't get your hopes up): Meyer writes about even furniture-wrecking sex with the decorum of a Victorian schoolmistress."

It is a guilty pleasure in the sense that it is total fluff, but it being written by a Mormon doesn't make it literature.

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Vyrus
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I can assure you that while she wrote the book dripping with sexuality, going so far as to say that they would have a period of ten years of insatiable lust, as happened with vampire family members Rosalie and Emmett, she went little into the actual details of sex.

My theory for this is that while she wanted it to be a tween-appropriate book she went further and further along her original ideal, until the whole thing was dripping with sex without actually mentioning any of it.

As for Jacob imprinting on Renesmee, I had mixed feelings about it.

Because I am a huge Jacob fan, despite his former rapist tendencies, I did want him to imprint in the last book.

In a silly moment, I thought the Twilight series was a trilogy, not realizing that she was releasing a fourth book, and in a way appreciated the ending that happened there. Just picture it; it has mystery and intrigue and left the reader to draw their own conclusion.

I think I liked it that way better.

Clearly, in writing this book, she had no idea where she was going, or at least presented it that way, as she seems to be rambling for a large part of it.

Why else would she completely ignore all of the loose ends? She never commented on Leah's fate, one of the deeper characters in the book; she fleshed her out, only to dead end her story right there.

Renesmee was suddenly meant to solve the problems between Bella and Jacob; Jacob completely forgot about his love for Bella, all of the werewolves and vampires became friends despite not being able to even handle the smell of each other, let alone company. Bella instantly forgot her older feelings for Jacob, making all of the drama and buildup in books 2 and 3 absolutely pointless.

This presents a paradox; while I am glad that everything seemed to work out, it was presented in such a way to confuse the reader, leaving mixed reviews raging from absolute fangirl-love to complete hatred in the mind of some of the more dedicated readers.

Too many loose ends.

Too much bullshit, pardon my language.

Alice left, all of the sudden she's horrible and completely left the family, left cryptic clues that did nothing to further the storyline, Bella got papers from a man that made absolutely no sense whatsoever why he was even in the story or what Alice was telling her in the first place.
The ending was as scatterbrained as my post and made little to no sense.

So, to summarize, I'm confused, I liked the book at several points, but hated it at others, and think that I was better off falsely thinking that the third book was the end, leaving the "trilogy" on a perfect note.

Some people hate undecisive endings, in this situation I think it would've been better than the confusing drivel.

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Sachiko
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The veneer of respectability thanks to Meyer's membership in the LDS church is exactly what I've seen.

I work with the 12-16 year old girls at church. Needless to say most of them, and their moms, have drunk the Kool-Aid.

And when I asked them about it, most of the moms said, "Oh, but I bought it at Deseret Book. It's by a Mormon, so I know it's okay."

and also said, in a slightly shocked voice, "Oh, I would never, ever read a romance novel! We don't read that sort of thing."

What I thought was dumb and sweet at the same time was how Bella is set on going to Dartmouth. Like, Oh, yeah, immortality as a rich beautiful person, and being involved forever in things beyond a mortal's yen...but I really want a college degree, too.

Maybe it's Meyer's stab at a "hey, kids, stay in school" moral.

Why bother staying in school? What, to get a job? To impress other humans at cocktail parties?

Gosh, I'd rather just find an ultrarich ultrahot scary-devoted vamp boyfriend, wouldn't you?

Hee.....

(Belle, thanks so much. I read this last weekend and it's been so cathartic to read what you've written.)

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Sachiko
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And I couldn't get over everyone's special superpower and how everyone is sooo gorgeous and dangerous and cool. It got so billowy-coat-king-of-pain I started reading BD for laughs.

I normally am not this catty.

I found myself drawn into the book, but after finishing BD I felt like I was surfacing from eating an entire bag of Cheetooes. And not in a good way.

Being drawn into a book, anyway, doesn't a good book make. Another thing people can't look away from: car wrecks.

I am ambivalent about the virtue of girls reading romance novels like this, anyway. The books are superficially chaste but sex-ridden underneath.

(Er... pun not intended)

I think the equivalent to a bunch of Mormon girls reading the full Twilight series would be to pass out Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition to the young men at church. The girls are covered up, so it's not technically porn, right? And the young men won't be able to look away--a sure sign of great, compelling literature.

And between the girls reading Twilight and the young men ogling SI, both groups will gain a wonderful education in what to expect from and how to relate to the opposite sex.

*eyeroll*

Like I said, I'm a hypocrite about this, because I also read Charlaine Harris' vampire series, and used to read Laurell K. Hamilton's stuff (before it was nothing but porn).

But at least most erotic vampire fic doesn't associate itself with the LDS church and pretend to be "good for you" in some way.

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Synesthesia
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I really don't see how the book and series is that bad... *shrug*
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