quote:if he always smelled like cigarette smoke, it would be a turn-off.
Or you'd get used to it.
Every time I've gone to Vegas the whole place has stunk like a giant ashtray, but I've found that within a few hours I start to notice it less and if I'm there for more than a day or two it just kind of disappears into the background.
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"Quite frankly, this is too hypothetical to really talk about. I just don't see an intelligent 32-year-old picking up smoking when it had never occurred to him to do it before, even if our relationship were in trouble."
I've wondered, lately, whether I could use nicotine to help me get through periods of low energy and difficulty with concentration. I haven't taken up smoking, but it has occurred to me.
You're right that it's an unlikely scenario, of course.
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quote:Originally posted by scifibum: "I, for one, could never be with someone who smokes."
This is a pretty common requirement in my experience. I always wonder, do they mean they will not entertain the idea of forming a close physical relationship with a smoker, or do they mean that any existing close physical relationships will end if the other person takes up smoking?
While I would highly prefer for my wife not to take up smoking, and it might have prevented us getting together in the first place, I would not leave her if she did start smoking. I think staying together is more important than whether either of us smokes.
Given how badly I react to cigarette smoke (allergies), I would probably divorce a spouse who started smoking -- simply in self-defense.
And we had a whole thread about this, neh?
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I do wonder whether people in that thread equated smoking with "smoking in my immediate presence and blowing smoke all over me and those I hold dear" or if simply the residual smell of smoking is so offensive (and...allergenic) as to destroy the relationship all by itself. Lots of focus on allergies and health risks, so I kind of get the impression it was the former.
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Most smokers are completely unaware of the degree to which they REEK for hours after a cigarette (or two).
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quote:Originally posted by scifibum: I do wonder whether people in that thread equated smoking with "smoking in my immediate presence and blowing smoke all over me and those I hold dear" or if simply the residual smell of smoking is so offensive (and...allergenic) as to destroy the relationship all by itself. Lots of focus on allergies and health risks, so I kind of get the impression it was the former.
Not at all. Cigarette smoke stays in clothes, hair, and skin forever and continues to be a problem to people who are close to the smoker -- ie spouse and kids. It continues to smell, continues to be a problem for those who have allergies, and continues to be a health risk.
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I've never heard that smoke residue in hair, skin and clothes is a health risk. I understand why it might be reasoned to be risky (if breathing it is bad, absorbing smoke deposits through skin contact might also be presumed to be bad), but has anyone demonstrated a risk scientifically? Quick google search didn't look as though anyone had. (There's a recent study in Pediatrics that examined attitudes toward this so-called 'third-hand smoke' which features prominently in search results but seems irrelevant to the question I'm asking.)
Just curious. I'd be a little surprised if smoke residue in clothing and furnishings turned out to be significantly risky. (Of course, I think the danger of secondhand smoke has been blown drastically out of proportion, and I don't filter my tap water either. )
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Considering the known risk of airborne particulates in general, I don't think it's much of a stretch.
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SIDS risks increase if either parent smoke, regardless of whether or not they do so in the presence of the child.
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People who smoke reek of nicotine all the time. They're almost completely unaware of how much. Their hair smells like it, their clothes, etc. It stains their teeth. Their mouth tastes like a dirty ashtray. It's really vile. I wouldn't want a relationship with anyone who smoked, and if they started smoking after we were married, say, it would severely strain our relationship if not break it. The decision to smoke really puts one out of bounds for dating almost anyone who doesn't smoke.
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I don't think the primary stench is of nicotine. I haven't heard that nicotine patches or gum have a reeking odor, anyway.
"Their mouth tastes like a dirty ashtray."
As I doubt you've both tasted a smoker's mouth and licked a dirty ashtray, I'm going to guess you're just speculating on this point.
I don't think the smell of tobacco smoke is unusually vile. I'd put it on a par with garlic and onions. I like the smell when it's fresh and in the air - at least in certain blends. I dislike it as a body perfume, but I can tolerate being around people who have smoked as well as I can stand being near someone who's been working in the kitchen of an Italian restaurant (and ate the food on their break). It can be unpleasant but I wouldn't call it vile.
I'm not sure why the odor of tobacco smoke results in such vehemence. Is it really that bad, or does disapproval of the activity get tied up in the perception of the side effects?
It'd hard to imagine it would ever have gained popularity if it was as bad as people make it out to be.
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For some of us, at least, it really is that bad.
I remember when it became illegal to smoke on airline flights. I was so happy I cried. Smoke doesn't respect the boundary between the smoking and non-smoking section -- especially if you're in the next row over. I spent more than one flight as a kid completely sick to my stomach because of cigarette smoke.
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I went to Vegas AFTER they passed the clean air laws. Whenever I went by a "designated smoking area" (which are not really that separate from the other areas) or a casino (which despite being completely open to the rest of the hotel, allow smoking) I had to use my inhaler and got a headache. I couldn't even eat at a table next to someone who'd been playing the slots, the smell of smoke was so bad.
Yeah, smoking would end any relationship I was in with a person, pretty fast.
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I definitely wouldn't start a relationship with someone who smoked. I do not like how someone smells who smokes. I especially do not like a smoker's breath. It is one of my least favorite smells. And smoking brings plenty of baggage with it--the health issues, the guilt complex that's almost visible in every new cloud of smoke, and the eventual pains of quitting.
However, if my wife started smoking I wouldn't leave her. Of course not. I would try hard to help her stop. I would work with her and I would love her. But I wouldn't leave her. In terms of how much I value our relationship and how committed I am to her, smoking is a minor problem. I would hope she would continue to work with me through my shortcomings as well.
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I dislike it any time I can smell somebody before I smell them. And when the smell is a bad smell, that's even worse.
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: For some of us, at least, it really is that bad.
I remember when it became illegal to smoke on airline flights. I was so happy I cried.... I spent more than one flight as a kid completely sick to my stomach because of cigarette smoke.
What rivka said.
I remember going to the bathroom in the back of a plane once - the smoking section was in the back - and when I came out the drink cart was in the aisle, completely blocking it. I was trapped back there and had to wait for them to serve every passenger before I could get back to my seat. I got so sick to my stomach and headachey from the smell, that a nice passenger got up and let me sit in their seat and put my head down while I waited.
That said, I have known a couple people who smoked that it really didn't bother me. One was a co-worker who sat right next to me, and we knew she smoked, but you could never tell. I don't know what brand it was, but you couldn't even smell it when she came back in right after a smoke break. The other was a boy I dated in HS - and I don't know why, what was different about him, but on him it smelled good.
quote:I always wonder, do they mean they will not entertain the idea of forming a close physical relationship with a smoker, or do they mean that any existing close physical relationships will end if the other person takes up smoking?
The relationship would end, without question or exception. I think this is true for a lot of us.
Posts: 5656 | Registered: Oct 1999
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: For some of us, at least, it really is that bad.
I remember when it became illegal to smoke on airline flights. I was so happy I cried. Smoke doesn't respect the boundary between the smoking and non-smoking section -- especially if you're in the next row over. I spent more than one flight as a kid completely sick to my stomach because of cigarette smoke.
Sounds like you have an allergy?
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quote:I always wonder, do they mean they will not entertain the idea of forming a close physical relationship with a smoker, or do they mean that any existing close physical relationships will end if the other person takes up smoking?
The relationship would end, without question or exception. I think this is true for a lot of us.
Look, I don't care what you'd do personally, but this is one of those areas where people make ridiculous statements about what they'd do. Perhaps you would do that, but I think a lot of us would entertain questions first. I'd love to see a breakdown of how people answer the questions: "what if your (whatever) took up racism" instead of smoking, and see where the chips would fall in that situation.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: For some of us, at least, it really is that bad.
I remember when it became illegal to smoke on airline flights. I was so happy I cried. Smoke doesn't respect the boundary between the smoking and non-smoking section -- especially if you're in the next row over. I spent more than one flight as a kid completely sick to my stomach because of cigarette smoke.
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: You're talking about ear wax, aren't you?
Heh. yeah. And more directly to the point of mating expectations, it has an effect on vaginal secretions in a way which severely impacts the oral portion of sex play / activity.
To the extent that it is a lot of guys' primary concern when they find out that their date smokes.
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