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Author Topic: For Moms Only !!!! **Warning -- cute, but not PC.
Shan
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This landed in my in-box. Knowing Jatraquero's, I'm sure it's been around. However, I know you'll forgive me for sharing, again, just in case. [Big Grin]

**************************

Why did God make Mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.


How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.


What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.


What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.


What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?


Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.


Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.


What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.


What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

****************

"Mothers don't do spare time" made me giggle -- albeit rather ruefully. [Blushing]

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Shan:
"Mothers don't do spare time" made me giggle -- albeit rather ruefully. [Blushing]

Me too!

I actually hadn't seen this before. I gather it's collected from asking many kids these questions?

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Scott R
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HA!

I read it, and I'm not a mom!

I defy your insipid matriarchy! DEFY!

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Leonide
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very cute. [Smile]

Some of those sound genuinely from children, others seems written by adults trying to sound like children. I'm wondering why there's a disconnect?

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scifibum
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I've joined Scott R's rebellion.

(Worth discussing the meme that moms with full time jobs outside the home retain more of the domestic workload than their husbands?)

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Traceria
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My friend's middle child (who is in second grade...or is it first?) answered these, too.

quote:
WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
So that moms and dads can marry


What ingredients are mothers made of ?
Skin, bones


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
love


What kind of little girl was your mom?
Ice skating.


Why did your mom marry your dad?
So they can have children


Who's the boss at your house?
Mom and dad


What's the difference between moms & dads?
Girls have long hair, boys have short hair.


What would it take to make your mom perfect?
Take you golfing


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
Go grocery shopping, because we have to do a lot of walking

The golfing answer got me most! XD
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The Rabbit
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quote:
Originally posted by scifibum:
I've joined Scott R's rebellion.

(Worth discussing the meme that moms with full time jobs outside the home retain more of the domestic workload than their husbands?)

I've seen some academic studies which support this contention at least for a large majority of moms who work. Its certainly not true in every case but neither is any other generalization.

I also read a study where they'd done interviews of husbands and wives asking both what fraction of the household work they did and then asked for details about what jobs they did and how much time they spent doing them. In almost all cases the men thought they were doing a much large fraction of the domestic work than they actually were. If I remember correctly, on average, men thought they were doing ~50% of the work but were only doing about half that. Women's estimates of what fraction of the work they were doing were far closer to reality.

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Scott R
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I think that's generally the case, Rabbit.

I hope I live up to being an exception.

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scifibum
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"In almost all cases the men thought they were doing a much large fraction of the domestic work than they actually were. If I remember correctly, on average, men thought they were doing ~50% of the work but were only doing about half that. Women's estimates of what fraction of the work they were doing were far closer to reality."

There goes the last vestige of "men are better at math", I guess.

But seriously, I'm having trouble imagining how/why that would be the case. Are women sneaking in laundry when the husbands aren't looking?

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katharina
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If you don't notice when something is dirty, you don't notice when it has been cleaned.
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scifibum
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Corollary: If cleaning has no discernible effect, it wasn't necessary.
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ambyr
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I seem to recall part of it is that the men look at chores as an interchangeable unit, and don't seem to consider that they take different amounts of time. So, for example, "I took out the trash, she did a load of laundry, I unloaded the dishwasher, she cooked dinner, so we both did 50% of the chores," even though in most cases doing laundry and cooking is going to take a lot more time and effort than taking out the trash and emptying the dishwasher.
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Traceria
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quote:
Originally posted by scifibum:
Corollary: If cleaning has no discernible effect, it wasn't necessary.

*shakes head*
Seems safe to say you are NOT part of the target audience of the new Oreck commercials.

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Tatiana
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I found out that some men (and kids) don't realize a lot of jobs even have to be done. When I happened to mention cleaning the cat box to a coworker once, he said "do they miss?" and I answered that their toilets have to be scrubbed just like human ones. He wasn't aware that human toilets required scrubbing. I asked if he had notice the difference between typical gas station bathrooms and his at home. He had. Then I asked if he realized the difference is in how often they're scrubbed. He didn't realize that. First his mother, then his wife, have scrubbed his toilets all his life and he never even knew that rather unpleasant job existed.

I found out a lot of similar things when I first lived on my own after college. Like, the washer and dryer get gucky and need to be wiped down and scrubbed occasionally. I never knew my mom was doing that when I was growing up. Ditto wiping all the appliances in the kitchen, plus the cabinet doors, etc. to get splashed food and dirty handmarks off. Scrubbing the stovetop pans and burners to get off the baked on food. Wiping the greasy dust off the stove hood and top of the fridge. Wiping the dust off the top edge of doors and the tops of molding around doors and windows, picture frames, underneath dining room chairs and table legs to prevent spiderwebs. Keeping the cobwebs out of the top corners of every room. Vacuuming not just the rug but also the baseboards and under and behind furniture. Washing the windows regularly, and wiping down any spiderwebs off the outside. Scrubbing the bathroom floors and basically all surfaces in the bathroom. Washing not just the tub but all the faucet and fixtures. Scrubbing down the black stuff that accumulates on decks and stairs outdoors (a rag mop with diluted Clorox in a bucket works best for this). Cleaning off deck chairs so they don't mark up your clothes to sit in them. Washing blankets and curtains every so often. Vacuuming inside the floor registers where dirt collects. Dusting bookshelves and the books in them that collect dust. Cleaning out closets and cabinets from time to time of the dust and dirt that collects inside. Going through old junk and throwing away stuff or taking it to the thrift store so there's room for newer stuff in the house. My mom did all these things that I never realized needed to be done to have a reasonably clean house.

By the way, the last time my house was clean like that was when I had a girl named Karen coming to clean my house every week. She was the best cleaner ever. I really miss Karen. [Smile]

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Shan
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I wish you knew where she was. I'd hire her.

*sigh*

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TomDavidson
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It's always so weird for me to hear about men who're able to get away with doing so little around the house.
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Tatiana
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Shan, she got a better job! Who wouldn't, if they could?
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Brinestone
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Man, Tatiana, I consider my house reasonably clean, but I've never done a good portion of the stuff you list. I don't think I've ever wiped down the top of my fridge (though I keep cereal boxes up there, so maybe it doesn't build up as much?). I do not vacuum the baseboards, but I have dusted them once or twice. I rarely wash windows. I know I should be better about it, but we've lived in rentals where the windows haven't been washed well in years, so I don't know how to get off the horrible mineral deposits and whatnot, and further, I don't care that much. I'm pretty sure I've never washed our curtains or seen the need to. I've never noticed black stuff on decks or stairs outside, but we do live in a different climate. I've never cleaned out a closet just to get rid of dust; I do it to purge things we don't use anymore, though.

Also, I both saw and helped my mom do all the things I now do around the house to keep it clean. Then again, I'm a woman. I'm not sure if she taught my brothers all of it, but I'm pretty sure she taught them a lot of it.

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JennaDean
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quote:
Vacuuming inside the floor registers where dirt collects.
What are "floor registers"? If they're something I'm supposed to be vacuuming, I'd better know what they are.
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TomDavidson
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The air returns on or near your floor for your central air, assuming you have it.
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JennaDean
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Ah-hah. We're in Florida; those are in the ceiling. I always figured it was because we need the a/c a lot more than the heat, and the cold air goes down, of course. If you used the heat more it would make sense for it to come up from the floor.

Now that I think about it, those are a lot harder to vacuum on the ceiling that they would be on the floor.

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Traceria
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quote:
Originally posted by Tatiana:
I found out that some men (and kids) don't realize a lot of jobs even have to be done. When I happened to mention cleaning the cat box to a coworker once, he said "do they miss?" and I answered that their toilets have to be scrubbed just like human ones. He wasn't aware that human toilets required scrubbing. I asked if he had notice the difference between typical gas station bathrooms and his at home. He had. Then I asked if he realized the difference is in how often they're scrubbed. He didn't realize that. First his mother, then his wife, have scrubbed his toilets all his life and he never even knew that rather unpleasant job existed.

Scrubbing the bathroom floors and basically all surfaces in the bathroom.

Funny you should mention this, which is, I think, all too common not only among males but also females to an extent. I had a roommate that just didn't realize things were dirty. Even when she cleaned, I'd walk into the bathroom, let's say, and see about five areas she obviously (to me) overlooked.

You would appreciate this story: My dad thought he'd be nice and clean the house for my mom while she was with my grandmother (who was being trasferred to a physical therapy rehab place after being in the hospital) and even decided to do the bathrooms. When my mom got home and walked in, she realized that while he may have cleaned the inside of the toilet and wiped down the sink, the floor had obviously been overlooked for the hair and other less appetizing stuff still lingering. She ended up venting to me her frustration that my dad didn't even realize it needed cleaning, and I told her that's just how it is and to not give him too hard a time since he was trying to help her out. I'm sure there are plenty of things she overlooks that are not in the realm of house keeping that he just notices without thinking.

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zgator
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I've lived in Florida all my life and I've always seen the returns near the floor (not in the floor). You might be thinking about the vents where the air comes out. The return is where the air is pulled in.
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JennaDean
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Riiiight ... yeah, I do have one of those. It needs vacuuming. Again.
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Shan
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And baseboard heaters collect awful amounts of dust and need to be vacuumed out - also, if you look at the baseboards in corners where the carpet is, you'll see more nasty dust.

I have blinds -- for a bit over $100, a cleaning company comes and takes those away and clean them and reinstalls them. And since they don't wipe down without looking worse, it's nescessary for the cleaning company with their electromagnawhatchacallum . . .

Cupboard doors and handles, light switches, door handles, yes, yes -- particularly after someone has been ill, just to kill the germs. Light fixtures . . . take 'em down, wash 'em and screw 'em back in is another one.

Periodic clean-outs and oragnizing of all drawers and closets is good . . .

I hate washing windows.

What about the drip pans in the stove?

The oven?

The fridge? (Under the fridge. Scary.)

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ambyr
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I have learned about a lot of little chores that I never considered before moving out on my own, like taking off and scrubbing down the oven dials or vacuuming out the exhaust fan in the bathroom.

I've also learned there's a lot of chores that, as far as I'm concerned, don't need to be done--like ironing sheets before bed for that supposedly nice, crisp feel. (I love you, mom, but sometimes I really don't understand you.)

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Teshi
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quote:
I have blinds -- for a bit over $100, a cleaning company comes and takes those away and clean them and reinstalls them. And since they don't wipe down without looking worse, it's nescessary for the cleaning company with their electromagnawhatchacallum . . .

We put them in the bath.
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katharina
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I bought a condo recently and the home inspection was last night. Apparently, this is the cleanest place in the city. Even underneath the stove was clean. The inspector thought the appliances were ten years younger than they actually are because they were so well-maintained.

The whole place is spotless, and the kind of spotless that shows it always looks like that. There is crownmolding and casements on the windows and built-in bookcases and, generally, I have a lot to live up to. I feel pressure from the previous owners. Gee wiz.
---

Brinestone, the top of the fridge gets dirty the same way the top of the vent does, because of the food particles mixed with dust in the air. The top of the fridge will get a layer of greasy dust. Not pleasant.

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paigereader
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I should buy stock in the Murphy's oil company considering it takes a whole bottle to clean the wood work in my house. I am one of those people that do all the cleaning in one day. I have never been able to dust on Monday, laundry on Tuesday etc. I am in charge of inside and my husband is in charge of outside.
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Brinestone
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Yeah, I know what the grime looks like because I've cleaned it off things when I worked for a guy who owned apartment complexes. What I'm saying is that almost every square inch of the top of my refrigerator has something on it: cereal, chips, crackers, granola bars, etc. It comes from not having a pantry. So maybe a small amount of grimy dust ends up on these boxes, which get thrown away and new ones circulated in. I just checked, and the top of my fridge is slightly dusty in spots but not at all what I would call gross.
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Jenny Gardener
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Hmm. I didn't even realize most of those jobs existed. I'd rather play outside or read books. My house is not Clean(tm). Once in a while we declutter for guests. I try to hit the dishes and laundry several times a week. Anything other than that is gravy.
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Traceria
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quote:
Originally posted by ambyr:
I've also learned there's a lot of chores that, as far as I'm concerned, don't need to be done--like ironing sheets before bed for that supposedly nice, crisp feel. (I love you, mom, but sometimes I really don't understand you.)

I agree. That is taking it a little too far. My grandmother always ironed my granddad's hankerchiefs, too. He he...
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kmbboots
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quote:
Originally posted by Jenny Gardener:
Hmm. I didn't even realize most of those jobs existed. I'd rather play outside or read books. My house is not Clean(tm). Once in a while we declutter for guests. I try to hit the dishes and laundry several times a week. Anything other than that is gravy.

I'm with you, Jenny. And your house looked great to me.
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Tatiana
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quote:
Originally posted by zgator:
I've lived in Florida all my life and I've always seen the returns near the floor (not in the floor). You might be thinking about the vents where the air comes out. The return is where the air is pulled in.

Zgator, in my house the registers are in the floor upstairs, and in the ceilings downstairs. So yes I definitely know the difference between a return and a register. Both my returns are on the walls, in fact, near the floor, and they're both far larger than the registers.

Anyway, all places that air blows through get all dusty and gucky and need to be vacuumed from time to time to keep allergens down. When they happen to be on the floor, as some are in my house, they also get stuff dropped into them, the same sort of gritty dirt that collects on floors when they aren't vacuumed. Hence, they need to be vacuumed occasionally.

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Tatiana
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But I totally hear you on not wanting to clean the house. My house doesn't live up to my own standards, not by a long way. I don't have the energy to come home from one full-time job and begin another one. Though Karen used to keep it spotless in only about 4 hours a week. Well, that was a smaller place, so say 8 hours a week. That doesn't sound impossible. One hour a day on weekdays and 3 on Saturday. But I watched her clean multiple times and I still don't see how she got so much done in so little time. She was just amazing. I tried to imitate her after she was gone and I never could approach what she did.

I do agree about ironing, too. That was something people did in the olden days when they had more servants. I never iron anything at all. My sister-in-law ironed her daughter's t-shirts and underwear. I don't even iron my work clothes. I get them out of the dryer when they're still hot, and hang them up. That's it. And sheets get stretched over the bed when the bed's made up. I love cotton sheets but I never iron them. They're more comfortable to me when they're soft instead of crisp.

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Tatiana
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I forgot the fridge coils. They get covered in dust and guck and if you don't vacuum them occasionally the coils are insulated by the guck and the fridge has to work about 5 times as hard to keep things cool. So then it breaks much sooner as well as using way more energy than it should. That's another job that needs to be done regularly.

Ditto changing the furnace filter.

Washing light fixtures is another one I forgot that someone mentioned. I do this each time I change the bulb, so with the advent of CF bulbs they get cleaned a lot less often.

Yes, and I think the black stuff that collects on all outside surfaces over time here is probably mildew from the humid conditions in this part of the country.

Cleaning OUT the fridge is another one I forgot to mention. Food spills in there so that over time it gets an organic gooey coating on almost everything. [Smile]

I know I've forgotten many more tasks like this. We need a robotic mom to be invented to do all these tasks.

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scifibum
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quote:
We need a robotic mom to be invented to do all these tasks.
Imagine the conversations parents will have with children in 200 years:

Child: "Mothers, why is our domestic robot called a 'mom'?"

Mother: "Well, because it does many of the tasks that moms have always done."

Child: "But in 20th century literature a mom and a mother are the same thing - and Mothers, you don't deploy and maintain the nanotech dust mites, or do the thermal depolymerization on our unused food, or sanitize our local atmosphere."

Mother: "Well, you must also have learned about dads. When we invented modern moms, mothers were able to take over the tasks that 20th century dads used to be in charge of. Modern moms were really what enabled us to phase out dads. And that's when the world started to heal from everything bad."

Child: "What were dads like?"

Mother: "They were crooks, and they got drunk on beer."

Child: "Oh my. I'm so glad we have modern moms."

Mother: "Oh, we are too. But remember, the men who used to be dads are also important. Without them, we'd still be eating poor innocent cows and chickens."

<ominous chord>
<cut to man farm footage>

"This message brought to you by dadsrights.org"

[Wink]

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rivka
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