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I haven't been on Hatrack much. This summer has gone rather poorly for me, and I don't have much internet access or, what's that stuff, hope. Anyway, I'm working at a little pizza place on the beach in a rather touristy area. I just installed a PA so I could announce orders to the whole place at once. I've also taken to randomly making public service announcements, including: making up weather for the week, like killer hurriphonados, warning about the dangers of riptide, the benefits of sunscreen, and the proper way to secure valuables in a car. Less cogently, I've described parked apaches with their lights on and missile banks unfolded, escaped deadly animals, and fake airline announcements.
I'm running out of material though. So, I pose the question to you: if you had access to an intercom and a group of people, what would you say?
Posts: 959 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Fired is fine, I have enough money, and I'll never need the place for a reference. Arrested is slightly more problematic.
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"Ok ladies and gentlemen, its time for the big grand prize drawing. Everyone should get out their tickets. Ticket number 1,423,356.3245. You have just won a 4 week cruise around the world."
"Whoever just used the bathroom, please return and scrub the bowl. That just disgusting!"
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"Will the owner of the green Cobra Gunship please return to the parking lot; your lights are on."
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Funny you should say that. Among the ones I've done so far was: to the owner of a special opps blaco ah-64 apache assualt helicopter, your lights are on and your hell fire missile banks are unfolded.
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"Order up--Chianti and Favo Beans. Now Dr. Lechter, please return the waiter."
"Luke. Order is ready for Luke. Luke. I am your father."
"B12, I47, N62...Bingo!"
"The management and staff of XXXXXX must remind its clientele that we can not be held responsible for items or virtue lost or stolen on this property."
"Help, I'm being held captive in this speaker. Let me out. Let me out!"
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Attention everybody. Incoming wounded. Get yours while they last. Tell your friends.
Testing, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 testing. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I got a gal in Kalamazoo...
Testing, tes...1,2,3. Testing, 1, 2. Radar here, uh..there's nobody on the radio now except 'Seoul City' Sue so I figured I'd keep you entertained by reading you a letter from my mom. Here it goes. Dear Son, I got your lovely letter. You certainly asked a lot of questions. About the car, you may. About Jennifer next door, yes. About Eleanor Simon, she did once or twice but not too much. About your uncle Albert, uh no on drinking, yes on AA. About the dog Leon, three times in the bedroom, once under the washer, and twice on the cat. Testing, testing. About the cat, we don't have one anymore. About your cousin Ernie, he's in the...(explosion) Oh! Oh! Here we go again! Watch out!
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I would say that the jokes need to be very funny not to get old quickly and become annoying to the customers.
I remember on a tiny airplane that held maybe 16 passengers the captain turned around and gave us a shpiel that was pretty good. I enjoyed that about the flight.
So I think that as long as you keep it funny and not too frequent as to become annoying, it will be a good thing and add to the enjoyment of the patrons.
As for ideas, maybe you could call out names of well-known people and say something about their order that refers to the person? I'm trying to think of an example, but all the ones I'm coming up with are lame, so maybe it's not such a good idea after all.
I'm sorry to hear about you losing hope, though. Is there a reason for that? Hope is something one should never be without.
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"Orders up. Jones and smith. Jones and Smith, and its Smith coming around the counter with Jones going wide on the outside, as they break into the straight away its Jones, its Smith. Its Jones. Its Smith.....and the winner is---Beatle Bomb." (OK, if you know that old one, give yourself two old fogey points.)
If you have a partner....
"Hu family? Hu Family is up first." "No, that's the Watt's order. Watt's up first." "No, Hu's on first, Watt's on second." "Who's on first?...."
"Do you no Sarah Conner." pause. "I'll be back."
"Hey, did you hear what that man just said. I am going to sue for libel. You are all witnesses. Don't go away until I get your name and number, and yours, and (sexy voice) and especially yours."
"Next order, number 2A, oh wait, is that...2B or not 2B, that is the question. Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of trouble and by opposing, end them...."
"To boldly go where no man has gone before--order the special Supreme."
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Whoever ordered the Pepsi in a clean glass, your drink is ready. Sorry for the wait -- we had to wait for the last guy who wanted a clean glass to be through with it.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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"Jane, party of one: your pound of uncut pepperoni to go is ready."
"As a reminder, local ordinances strictly limit roof elevation. We must ask that you please refrain from 'raising the roof'. This isn't Seattle; we have rules."
"If any of our guests are wearing open toed shoes we would advise you to please keep your feet eight to ten inches above the floor. If you are unable to do so, please note any unusual tickling sensation on the comment card."
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
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"Please do not panic, that was not a UFO. Its our new free-style hand-tossed pizza delivery system."
"These are not the droids you are looking for."
"Sorry for the delay but we can't find the Snipe for the Snipe pizza."
"There is no parking in the white zone. The white zone is for the loading and unloading of passengers only."
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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