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Author Topic: What do/did you look for in people you dated?
Philosofickle
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Hey all, I'm doing another homework assignment but I think that this one will actually be interesting to a lot of people. Feel free to share stories or anything but if you could share your answers to these questions and specify your (relative) age and gender that would be great.

  1. How old were you when you first started dating?
  2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
  3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
  4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
  5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
  6. What makes or made a good date? (in general)
  7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
  8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?

I know that this is Hatrack and so questions seven and eight might not be the norm. If this is over the line let me know and I'll edit.

You are not obligated to answer all of the questions. You may pick and choose. You may also retract.

I hope that you find this interesting and participate.

Thanks!

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Sterling
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"Dating" to me suggests a series of planned meetings for a specific activity or activities in which the participants spend time together while they try to conclude whether they want to be long-term romantic partners. Very little in any of my relationships has followed this pattern, and I know a lot of my friends around the same age group would probably concur. They're in relationships or not; they're almost never "dating".
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kmbboots
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I would agree with that. I have had a few dates, though, and some of them were "mommy" dates. I suppose there were some "group dates" or at least boy/girl parties where some of the girls and boys were paired off. I wouldn't say "progressed" though. My sexual mores are somewhat complicated (though most people on this site could tell you what they are). Mostly be honest and kind and try to keep from hurting anyone or promising more with my body than my heart is able to live up to. I have sometimes felt pressure to be physical on a date. Often this pressure was from my own desires. When it is purely external, I have not had any real trouble saying "no" and have been fortunate that my "no" was ultimate respected.

Hope that helps.

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T:man
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1. About 14, when I really started dating.

2. Yes, not many parents trusted us to go where we would go.

3. So far it has gone from single dating to group dating.

4. Fun pretty much, and because all my friends were dating. (I was a sucker for peer pressure)

5. If they could have a good time without hurting anyone. Now I'm not really sure, I've been dating the same person for a long time.

6. If it was fun it was good. Usually that's the qualifier, but it doesn't have to be fun for me.

7. Personally, I don't like to rush things, but as a horny teenage boy, if she wants more I'll go along with it.

8. Nope [Smile]

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Tatiana
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1. How old were you when you first started dating? 14, when I started high school.
2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.) No.
3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating? No, started as double-dates mostly because the guys who asked me out weren't old enough to drive and so we would team up with a couple who was.
4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship) Because it was what the cool kids did, and because the guys I dated were cute and I liked them.
5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner? As a young girl I think I only cared about cuteness/coolness. Now I would look for someone who was very kind, cared about other people, had high moral standards, was funny, was someone I enjoyed spending time with and could talk to about almost anything, and then last of all attractiveness plays a role too. I tend to feel attracted to people I like for who they are, though, and so whatever they look like I'll love how they look because they look like themselves.
6. What makes or made a good date? (in general) Doing something fun and spontaneous and silly.

7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)* Mormon church guidelines. No sex before marriage.

8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure? Yes when I was young and would date guys who didn't value me as a person, I was constantly pressured for sex. Like every guy I went out with pushed me to be more physical than I was comfortable being. They did mostly take no for an answer, and the one guy I dated who tried to force me to do more than I wanted to do did let me walk away and I found another way home. It was a long time before I learned that any guy who pressured a girl was a jerk and shouldn't be dated again. Things were very different when I was young. There was no phrase "sexual harassment". It was just the way things were. Guys were always aggressive and even thuggish sometimes toward women. I'm so glad things seem to have changed some for the better. When I was a young teen too young to drive I would often walk to the mall or to the swimming pool where we belonged, and guys would pull over and ask if I wanted a ride. I'd say no thank you and they would sometimes drive alongside me at a walking pace with the car door open for a mile. It was very scary. They'd keep asking and I'd keep saying no thanks. Now I guess nobody would let their daughters walk anywhere, so maybe that's the main difference. That's sad, if so, because it curtails their freedom to go places and do things. But I probably wasn't as scared even as I should have been by that sort of thing. One thing that's different now is girls have cell phones and can call 911. That's a huge improvement.

Anyway, now it would be a huge red flag if a guy pressured me in any way.

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Tara
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quote:
Originally posted by Philosofickle:



[*]Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)

This generalization is a little painful personally, since I didn't get my driver's license until age 18, and haven't been a date since before that time...
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Xann.
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  1. About 15
  2. Nope, although it is only because of good public transport in my area.
  3. I would say double date type stuff happened a lot at the beginning and progressed to less.
  4. Fun
  5. Intelligence/Fun person. It takes being a teenager to really hate teenagers, the smart and fun people are very few.
  6. Conversation and chemistry. I have had more fun playing ToeJam and Earl with my girlfriend all night then most do with the diner and a movie thing.
  7. I would say whatever feels right within the relationship. Although I could say about three months minimum before sex would seem like an alright estimate. Overly aggressive on the first date or two would turn me off.
  8. Nope. Being a seventeen year old guy (around fifteen at the start of my relationship.) I tried to take every effort to make sure I wasn't pressuring.

I think it might clarify to say that I only ever dated three women in my life. The first was very stupid, the second very aggressive and easy, and the third I have been dating for over two years.

I did not count the silly middle/elementary school relationships. Because then I would have to say I started at like 7, it was all make believe back then.

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0Megabyte
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I dunno, really, but I know I just got one last Friday, and am having a second one with the same girl tomorrow! Whoo hoo!

I dunno how romantic it is, or if I like this girl that way yet. But then, going on a few dates to have fun and get to know her is rather the point of such things. [Big Grin]

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Shanna
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1. 18 years old. The same has followed for my two younger brothers even though we belonged to very different circles in school including my uber-popular, basketball-playing, frat-joining brother. We just had other priorities, I guess.
2. No
3. No, I started off with single dating. My high school boyfriend really only saw my friends around school and at school functions.
4. I think I felt semi-pressured to date once I became a high school senior. The whole prom thing makes it that much worse. But on the whole, very few of my friends dated (conservative Christians) so the pressure wasn't direct so much as I felt I should atleast have the experience in high school.
5. I just look for someone I can talk to. Someone who shares a few personal quirky intersts, a similar sense of humor, etc. Unfortunately, I'm realizing that the traits that may make for a good date aren't necessarily the ones that make for a good relationship. Some of my best almost-relationships have been with guys who wouldn't have chosen to date, though I regret it later. For instance, I tend to judge based on interests rather than similar morals or lifestyle.
6. Conversation. I've had adventuresome first dates and dates where its just frozen pizza and a movie. The right chemistry make the difference.
7. I don't follow a system. It varies from guy to guy.
8. Never. The guys I dated were always super-aware of not pressuring.

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AchillesHeel
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1 How old were you when you first started dating? 16 just happens to be when I actually found a girl who didnt annoy the hell out of me
2 Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.) Yes, but it was just for her, I walked
3 Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating? Never did the group thing
4 Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship) Because that girl caught my interest, there were other opportunities but they were all boring or slutty
5 What do/did you look for in a dating partner? Independance, personal interests help you find satisfaction without using a person as a vindicator and I am not a one-man pep squad
6 What makes or made a good date? (in general) Lots of conversation, and just getting to know the person instead of simply getting drunk to increase the chances of getting lucky
7 What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)* To sleep with a girl in my own home Id have to believe that my stuff/organs will be there when I wake up, not to mention waking up in general. But as far as what happens behind closed doors? so long as its fun and does not involve urine and defecation I dont really care.
8 Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure? Im a boy, so theres not really a malevolent form of sexual pressure for us, aside from not having sex and thats really only an issue if your friends are douches.

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katharina
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How old were you when you first started dating?
I was 16 on my first date, but I didn't date regularly until I was in college.

Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
No. My family had a "no dating until age 16" rule, and by then I didn't need my mommy with me.

Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
No. I started off single dating.

Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
Then, because I was asked out and wanted new experiences.

Now, because I like being in the company of people that I like and I like being in a relationship and dating is how I find someone to do that with.

What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
Did: Ideally, brilliance and adventurousness. Realistically, someone who asked me.

Do: Intelligence, integrity, magnanimity, and someone who makes me feel comfortable and entertained while I am around them.

What makes or made a good date? (in general)
For both, being able to talk to each other, feeling comfortable around the person, and feeling like they were paying attention to me without being needy.

What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
Kiss selectively but first date is fine if you really like him. French kiss only a boyfriend. No sex and keep all of your clothes until you are married.

Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date?
Absolutely.

If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
About 1/3 of those I've been on more than one date with wanted more and some definitely pressured for sex, plus my own hormones exert a whole lot of pressure on their own.

[ October 07, 2009, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]

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Brinestone
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quote:
Originally posted by Philosofickle:

  1. How old were you when you first started dating?

    Three weeks shy of my sixteenth birthday.
  2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)

    Nope.
  3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?

    Not really. I did both.
  4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)

    I was looking to find out what sort of guys I liked and then later was looking to find a long-term relationship.
  5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner?

    Lots of things. Um . . . someone easy to talk to, someone I could be myself with, someone who shared my goals, someone who shared my sense of humor, someone I was attracted to, someone who shared my religious beliefs, someone who was kind and considerate. I guess those are the big ones.
  6. What makes or made a good date? (in general)

    Being able to talk to your date practically without effort.
  7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*

    Holding hands, hugging, and kissing are okay while dating. Touching breasts or genitals and any type of sex (oral included) are not okay until after marriage.
  8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?

Nope.

[/QB]


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BlackBlade
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1. How old were you when you first started dating?
16, but that was more a function of me not really caring for members of the opposite sex until that age.

2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
No, I'd never even heard of that before.

3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
No, once I started dating I actively sought single dates but I also group dated if the occasion came up.

4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
I'd have many friends by that point, but there was something more intimate to dating somebody that I wanted to have. I also sought validation on my own self worth by wanting to be desired by a member of the opposite sex.

5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
Physical appearance, common interests, fun personality, none of those really lords over the others. I went on dates with people I thought were incredibly good looking as well as people I thought were incredibly attractive personalities. Occasionally I'd find myself in a relationship too fast and broke one or two hearts when I asked the girls if we could back up and be friends again.

6. What makes or made a good date? (in general)
Doing something fun, and having no unpleasantness.

7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
Kissing on the first date is fine if things really click, open mouth and tongue kissing is fine if you are in a committed relationship, clothes stay on during courtship, no sex of any kind until after marriage, dry humping is also not OK until after marriage (interestingly enough it becomes completely pointless after marriage).

8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
Yes, I'd say once I reached adulthood there was no pressure on a first date, but the pressure increases on subsequent dates. Being engaged generates alot of that pressure. As a teenager there were a few times where hanging out alot early on led to some physicality but without the emotional connection that would always freak me out afterwards. Hormones, the girl, and attractiveness all create that pressure.

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PSI Teleport
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1. How old were you when you first started dating?
I guess my first real date was at seventeen.

2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
I went on several of these, but he and I were both well over sixteen and just didn't have cars. I think I went on my last "mommy" date at eighteen.

3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
I don't even know what a group date is, unless you mean several couples going places together, in which case I've only been on group dates since I was married.

4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
Because I was totally ga-ga over the boy.

5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
I've always been really weird. I remember being fifteen or sixteen and developing a crush on a guy just because I saw him be polite to his grandmother. I liked the nice, quiet, intelligent, artsy guys who would rather stay home playing backgammon than go out partying. And I was generally only interested in Christians, although growing up in the south guaranteed that the bulk of my peers were Christian, so it's not like I had to think about it much. Mainly I just wanted to be able to talk about God without being looked at like I was strange.

6. What makes or made a good date? (in general)
Good coffee, good conversation, and plenty of time afterward to make out.

7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
I hold the belief that saving sex until after marriage is the healthiest thing for the relationship, and healthier for the individual in the long-run. That's not to say that I personally followed that rule, but it was always my goal. I also follow a religion that teaches that sex should stay in the marriage, but my opinion is based more on personal and second-hand experience.

8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
Heh, only once, but it was from a guy that I'd been dating for over a year and purposely tormenting for probably a month. And then I married him. [Big Grin]

quote:
dry humping is also not OK until after marriage (interestingly enough it becomes completely pointless after marriage).
???????

News to me!

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rollainm
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1. How old were you when you first started dating?
I was 15 when I went on my first "date".

2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
Yeah, I went on a few of these throughout high school.

3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
No progression. In high school they were mostly single, but a few group. Honestly, though, I didn't go on very many traditional "dates" at all. When you see each other every day at school, you share classes and extra-curricular activities, you're both a part of the same close-knit group of friends, and you live within walking distance of each other, dating tends to lose its usefulness. Since high school I've been in just one relationship, and now we're married. We go to movies, shows, out to eat, etc., so I guess those are "dates"? It's mostly just the two of us, but sometimes we do things with friends.

4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
Companionship; intimacy; fun; because I thought she was hot and she liked me, too.

5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
Well, I've always been socially awkward, so to be honest, in high school especially my dating pool was immediately narrowed down to those few girls who were both patient enough to get to know me and then liked what they saw. But beyond that and the obvious (physical attraction and enough in common to spark mutual interest), I look for honesty, a desire for commitment and exclusivity, and intellectual compatibility (this is complicated and would take some time to explain, so I won't elaborate for now unless someone asks).

6. What makes or made a good date? (in general)
I'm pretty flexible, really. I'm cool with whatever the two of us will have a good time doing, whether that's skydiving (haven't done that yet but want to), pretending either one of us can bowl, going to a show, or just staying home and watching a movie or tv show together.

7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
My only rule is mutual respect (well, and to be smart about it - use protection and whatnot). We only go as far as we're both comfortable going. If that means sex on day one, that's cool as long as we're both clearly okay with it. If it means no sex til marriage that's most likely okay, too, depending on how her reasons for such restrictions and the restrictions themselves affect our overall relationship.

8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
Well, yeah. I'm a guy, and I think about sex a lot. So do many women, of course, and thus I've gotten a little pressure in return, though admittedly not nearly as much by comparison. But again, mutual respect is key. Sometimes that means suppressing your own desires, and I've never had a problem keeping my own in check.

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Brinestone
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Maybe I misunderstood the "pressure to have sex" question. If the question is, "Did your date/partner pressure you into having sex?" then no. If it's, "Did you have a hard time saying no to sex?" then yes.
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Samprimary
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  1. 13
  2. haha uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no
  3. nope, went the opposite way. dates were at first very private kind of fumbling hormonal events to more social group-date sort of things
  4. relationships & sex
  5. Sense of humor. intelligence. common interests. genuine enthusiasm for doing fun stuff together.
  6. all of the above, plus the event(s) you went to were not too crowded and the music & food was good
  7. i have had sex on the first date more than a few times. I certainly do not feel it is immoral. it is just something that you should be mature about and — ironically — not do too casually, and don't pressure others into doing
  8. eh sometimes with some women who are obv. just club cruising, but it's actually not that common.


[ October 07, 2009, 10:01 PM: Message edited by: Samprimary ]

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Blayne Bradley
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If I can ever find a date I'll let you know.
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Vyrus
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I didn't really bother to read through previous posts, but here are my answers. (Also keep in mind that I'm still a few months from being even eighteen, so my overall "dating" is limited to high school and other juvenile relationships.)


1. How old were you when you first started dating?
My first official relationship was at fifteen, the summer after my freshman year, although I'd been "dating" people as young as fourteen, meaning the kind of high school relationships that last several days with little to no longevity.

2. Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
I officially hung out at one boy's house before the age of 16, and that was it.
I had a relationship at fifteen my Mom didn't know about, although I don't think that counts.

3. Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
My current relationship that I'm pursuing is doing that, although in the past there was little official dating. (High school students seem to find it promiscuous to go out on a date with somebody if you're not in a relationship with them. And, if you do it with multiple people, the actual definition of "dating", well, then you're just a downright whore.
God forbid people actually take the time to get to know other people and make an informed decision on who they want to be with before they jump into a relationship.)

4. Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
In the past relationship. Now, relationship.

5. What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
I want someone with my quirky sense of humor, someone that's as dorky as I as am, or at least appreciates my dorkiness, someone that gets my references, and someone with, if not similar, then compatible religious/philosophical beliefs. Also, someone that can not only have, but enjoys, intelligent conversations.
Someone big into politics, community, activism and volunteerism would also be great.
Looks aren't such a big deal for me--meaning that I can be attracted to a wide variety of people (different races, builds, fashion styles, etc.), but physical attraction does have to be there.

6. What makes or made a good date? (in general)
In general I'd have to say connection. Good conversation. I don't think it comes down to anything more than that, for me at least. What we're doing isn't as important, as long as we switch it up every once in a while.

7. What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
I'll be able to tell you a little more about this if I ever actually have sexual contact. I believe in sex before marriage, but not before you're ready. I'm nearing the age more where I'm ready, but I still won't do anything unless I'm in a committed relationship with someone that I trust for at least a decent period of time. (At least six months).

8. Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
That's a little personal, but I guess I can give a little.
I've never been pressured to do anything more than kissing, although I would have to say there was a lot more pressure as I was younger.
With the person I'm interested in now, the pressure is not from him (he's actually about as shy as I am), but from his friends and mine, who think the relationship should be progressing faster than it is. Not so much sexually as romantically, so I think it's more a friendlike action than if they wanted us to jump into bed fortright.

(My apologies if I was too open for anyone).

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Vyrus
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quote:
Originally posted by rollainm:

Well, yeah. I'm a guy, and I think about sex a lot. So do many women, of course...

This isn't the right time to start the discussion, and, not to be too blunt, but...
Statistically and in my own personal experience (as a woman who has, in fact, been known to be in contact with other females) women think about sex just as much as men, some women more, some less.

We might not always think about the same kinds or the same actions, but we think about sex just as much.

Or at least I do.

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Blayne Bradley
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The average male thinks about it 50,000 times a day.
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0Megabyte
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Myths, Blayne. Myths. Didn't Tvtropes even point that out someplace?
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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by 0Megabyte:
Myths, Blayne. Myths. Didn't Tvtropes even point that out someplace?

Come now, we should be encouraging Blayne to pull back from Tvtropes. So rather than being snide and sarcastic, we should be warm and approving.

Blayne: While I have no doubt that many males think about it 50,000 times a day, I also think the more you think about it the more your brain becomes used to constantly bringing it up.

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Tara
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That is approximately once every 2 seconds. You wouldn't have any time to think about anything else. Although that is an day-long average, so I guess if you thought about sex continuously for half the day or so, you might have some small bits of time left over to think about something else.
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Raymond Arnold
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Yeah, I always thought the "guys think about sex every X seconds" (it's usually described as 30) can only be accurate if you're averaging the seconds in the day, and even then seems pretty inaccurate to me.
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aiua
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For the record, I am 20 and a female college student.

How old were you when you first started dating?
It was around 16, but it was never anything serious. A movie or two, sometimes coming over for dinner, then a date for Homecoming. But there was never any "relationship talk" or plans for the future. It was more of just having a friend who happened to be a guy.

I suppose what would be considered an actual date, complete with flowers and a kiss, happened at 18.

Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
Nope, I could drive at that point.

Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
Well, seeing as it started as hanging out at school, with other friends, I suppose so, in a way. But like I said earlier, it wasn't dating in the traditional fashion.

Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
Then, it was because I just wanted someone to hang out with, outside my group of regular friends.

Now, I think it's a bit more complicated. Sure, I enjoy the company and the feeling that I'm someone others are attracted to. But there are other reasons, more linked to peer-pressure: Because I feel like I'm missing out on what other people in my age group are experiencing, because it's what's expected of a college student.

Also, I just really, really enjoy kissing.

What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
Then, it was really just anyone I felt comfortable being around.

Now, it's still pretty much the same thing. I could give you a list of characteristics I think my ideal mate would have (command of the English language, creativity, humor, mad skillz in the kitchen..) but I feel like that's too limiting. Still being fairly new to the dating scene, I'm more inclined to keep an open mind.

What makes or made a good date? (in general)
For a first date, especially, freely flowing conversation is great. I am strongly opposed to coffee dates and prefer something more active, perhaps even unusual. Memorable first dates for me include the International Pillow Fight, paintballing, and a hunt for mythical beasts.

What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
I used to think that I was the 'wait until marriage for sex' type. But that was before I discovered hormones and physical attraction.

After a good first date, I tend to expect a kiss, with making out to follow on the next dates, and then a steady progression of more intimate kissing, removal of choice bits of clothing, rhythmic motions,etc.. Actual intercourse, however, only comes after a relationship has been determined, and then only after testing and with proper protection.

Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date?
Occasionally, but I was the source.
I've been fortunate in that the guys I have been with have been completely respectful of my desires and boundaries.


A friend recently asked me what superpower I wish my boyfriend would have. I've found this even more difficult than deciding which I would want for myself.

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Blayne Bradley
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quote:
Originally posted by Tara:
That is approximately once every 2 seconds. You wouldn't have any time to think about anything else. Although that is an day-long average, so I guess if you thought about sex continuously for half the day or so, you might have some small bits of time left over to think about something else.

I include subconscious thoughts as well.
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Frisco
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quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
The average male thinks about it 50,000 times a day.

That seems low. What are we wasting the other 36,400 seconds a day thinking about?
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Blayne Bradley
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video games. Thankfully nowadays thanks to fanservice we can be more efficient with out thinking time by thinking about sex AND video games

Genius!

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steven
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1. 15
2. a couple of mommy dates

3. never did the group date thing, that I remember

4. looking for someone to have a great conversation and friendship with, and physical relationship too, probably, although the physical is way less important to me at age 34 than age 18

5. I look for intelligence, shared interests, great personality, emotional stability, good money management, family and friends that I get along with (for long-term potential), and physical attractiveness (looks really can be trumped if everything else in good)

6. A good date--involves really getting to know the person better, I suppose. [Smile]

7. Sexual mores-I'm a whore. LOL No, I believe in honesty and openness, just as a way to avoid hurting someone you might really end up caring a lot about. Whatever you do, be pretty open about it, I think. I try to follow that, although I was not perfect as a younger man. As far as what's OK...I generally am not interested in virgins who are over the age of 22 (nor do I usually date people that young, although that's not an absolute), nor am I usually interested in people who don't understand that sex can be enjoyable. I prefer openmindedness. I have dated people for weeks and weeks with no sex, and I've had sex on the first date. There's no set pattern. I follow the lady's lead. I've never felt pressured to be physical...I welcome that pressure. LOL

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Frisco
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quote:
What do/did you look for in people you dated?
Well, sometimes they think of creative ways to avoid giving back your apartment keys or engagement rings.
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T:man
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You know what, I've actually felt pressure to suppress my libido. Our culture seems to have done a 180 on that one.
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Traceria
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To address your original questions:

Female and on the cusp of turning 29.

- How old were you when you first started dating?
I was definitely first interested in high school, and my first date was technically when I was like 15. That was the only one before college, mostly because it seemed like all the guys who liked me (and would write love poems and wait for me for five minutes outside the girls lav much to my chagrin to walk down to lunch with me) were not the same as the ones I liked.

-Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
Technically my one date in high school could be considered this due to age.

-Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
I don't think there was really any rhyme or reason to it. If it happened to work out that others (friends) were present on a 'date' then it was a group one; if not, nope. There's really no progress in this respect to speak of in my experience.

-Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
I was always hoping for a relationship, but once it would become clear that that was not where things were headed, I moved on.

-What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
Too many things to list here, but here's a start: sense of humor, humility, confidence, responsibility, common interests, similar beliefs and level of seriousness about, considerate, easy going

-What makes or made a good date? (in general)
An activity that is both fun in an of itself but also that gives you a chance to simply enjoy one anothers' company... Even when this means you walked three and half miles without realizing your destination was so far away instead of taking the water taxi

- What are your sexual mores with regard to dating?
While dating, I considered kissing in general to be acceptable, hands not wandering so very much. I'm engaged currently, and I'd say I'm somewhere in between BB and PSI on where I fall as to what is and is not acceptable at the moment.

-What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship)
see previous answer

-If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
I am a Christian of the Protestant persuasion.

-Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
Yes, and it was entirely unpleasant, too fast, and caused feelings of discomfort and guilt. It was more than unreasonable for that guy to expect anything of the nature he did, and after some figurative water to the face I realized this and forturnately suffered more as a bystander than I might have.

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SenojRetep
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How old were you when you first started dating?
I didn't "date" until I was 16. There were some social interactions (see Q2) before then.

Did you ever do any "mommy" dates? (a pre-age 16 event in which mom drives you and a date to your activity, drops you off, and picks you up after.)
I went on a few accompanied dates when I was an early teen (maybe 13 or 14). They were with a girl I liked, but were billed as family activities to which she was invited (which was easy since she was a friend of the family). They usually involved a movie or dinner where we could sit next to each other and feel some semblance of a date without the privacy that went with a full date.

The same girl and I would occasionally take walks alone during that same time period. I held her hand. That sort of thing.

Did your dating experience progress from group dating to single dating?
In high school I only went on group dates, usually to school dances. I probably went on ten or so during my Junior and Senior year.

When I got to college I immediately fell into a relationship and then primarily single-dated with occasional group dates interspersed. After that relationship I found I was most comfortable making first dates group dates (or at least double dates) and then if things went well moving to a single date thereafter.

Why do/did you date? (e.g. free food, fun, relationship)
In high school it was largely due to expectations from my family and friends, partly due to a desire to 'make memories' as it were, and occasionally because I really liked the girl. After high school and before courting my wife it was a mixture of attraction and seeking for commitment. When I met Cami it was because I simply loved being around her and never wanted to be apart.

What do/did you look for in a dating partner?
I used to drop classic movie, song, and theater quotes into conversations during a first date to see whether the girl would catch them. I'll admit it was silly, and pretty superficial, but I wanted someone who 1) shared common interests and 2) was a good conversationalist; I felt like this was a good way to find that out.

I once wrote that I was looking for someone I could be alone with together; i.e. someone with whom I can be myself, with whom I can feel comfortable in any situation, whom I can trust with my most intimate feelings.

Broader considerations of shared moral, emotional and intellectual values were more or less a given; I wasn't looking for them per se but they were a fundamental part of the process.

What makes or made a good date? (in general)
My favorite dates were the ones that ended with long conversations. A good date would be romantic, often involve nature in some form, and would give me a feeling of connection to the person, that I'd really got the opportunity to get to know her on a deeper level than I did initially.

What are your sexual mores with regard to dating? What is OK and what is not OK and under what conditions (e.g. length of relationship) If you follow a system feel free to say what it is (church guidelines)*
I followed (or tried to follow) the standard LDS guidelines that Brinestone, katharina and BlackBlade set out. I still carry my wallet-sized For the Strength of Youth guide with me, more for nostalgia than anything else.

An interesting side note: I've kissed two girls in my life, and I wasn't dating either at the time of our first kiss. So technically, I only believe in kissing before the first date.

Have you ever felt pressure to be physical or sexual on a date? If so, how frequently and what was the source of the pressure?
I felt plenty of internal pressure, primarily during my two sustained relationships. Externally, not really that I can think of.

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