posted
Since I was eight years old I have wanted to teach at a college level. Finally, this past fall, I was given the opportunity to teach a class of around 120 students. I got to pretty much design my own course, and it was awesome. I had a great time teaching and my students loved me and it seemed like they really got the material and learned a lot. It was a great experience.
Except for the fact that when I was first starting out, I seemed to always feel sick to my stomach before class, to the extent that several times I threw up repeatedly. At first I thought it was something I was eating, but eventually I came to the unavoidable conclusion that it was nerves. I wasn't consciously nervous, but on some level something was happening. Once I got in front of the class I was fine, but every day before class I had issues. By the end of the semester I was mostly over it, and I was hoping that once this semester started, I would be fine, now that my first time jitters were out of the way.
No such luck. I haven't been able to keep anything down, not even after the class. I actually even had to cut class short a few minutes so I could go puke up the water I had drunk to keep my throat wet. I have no other physical symptoms of a virus or stomach bug, so I have to assume its the same case of nerves.
If this is what nervousness feels like, than I honestly have never been nervous before in my life. And I've jumped out of planes, climbed mountains in thunderstorms, swam with wild alligators, gotten married, and more, all without the slightest case of nerves. And if this is what I have to look forward to every time I step in front of the classroom, I honestly don't know that I'm cut out to be a professor. My wife says this is common, and that may well be, but my dream of being a college professor is looking a lot less bright and a lot more beige and orange with chunks.
Does anyone have any advice? Maybe some sort of remedy? I will say that four years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety. It hasn't bothered me for the past couple of years, but I suppose its still there. Really though, this isn't like my former anxiety attacks. Should I not eat before class? It's at 1:25 PM, MWF. Is there some sort of over-the-counter medication? Or even better, is there some way I can train myself to not get sick? Or should I just suck it up? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
There are over-the-counter nausea medications. I don't know if they'll help if the cause is nervousness, but they are probably worth trying. There are also drugs that may help. Valium comes to mine, but there are probably more appropriate options. I'd talk to a psychiatrist.
I suspect that it'll take care of itself eventually, and will likely be better more quickly for this semester than last, but it may be several semesters until goes away or at least becomes manageable.
Posts: 3275 | Registered: May 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Sometimes ginger or ginger caplets can help. You might want to try a few minutes of quiet meditation before class.
Posts: 3354 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Meditation, ginger, and avoiding a full stomach might well all be helpful. Additionally, this sort of situation can be dealt with over time by working with a trained professional. It is generally a learned response that can be unlearned, and the body can be re-habituated to a different response to the stimulus.
It takes time, though. But it's worth doing, because without being thoughtful in how you approach it, you can make it worse. I would suggest going to the university student clinic (or whatever your primary medical care source may be) and speaking with someone there. If it is not brought up in that meeting, I'd also make sure to ask about cognitive behavioral therapy (which you may already be familiar with) and whether propranolol may be helpful if things get worse, or in order to help you get through this time with less additional stress.
Valium is a type of drug that can be helpful for anxiety, and it is a good thought, but you can become habituated to it. It also helps most (IIRC) with the psychological aspect of anxiety, but it does seem to help with the physical sensations of panic attacks, too. However, propranolol is a drug that you would not become habituated to -- it isn't a drug people abuse or become dependent on -- and since you know the time of trigger, it seems it may be better to prevent the physical reactions than to play catch-up with them.
Propranolol is a anti-hypertension medication that keeps the heartrate and blood pressure from going up and is widely used to prevent stage fright/butterflies, hand tremors, or other performance issues for artists, athletes, and even surgeons. It works so well it is banned from use in the Olympics, as it is considered too performance enhancing for, say, marksmanship.
Good luck. Keep us posted. I am sure that with the right help, with or without pharmaceutical intervention, this can get better.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Also, remember this: if you didn't care about how well you did as a teacher, this would likely not ever arise as a problem. But you do care, and you take it seriously. That is a mark of your character.
You can take that very same passion and heartfelt caring and apply it to figuring out how to do this even better, and in a way that allows you to do your best work. It matters to you, obviously. Take that and be very, very smart about lining up all your options and resources to do it proper justice.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I would advise cbt and beta blockers, and I see that's already been done! Therapy for nervousness like this, when done by the right people, is quite effective.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Propranolol definitely works for thousands of classical musicians in orchestras all over the country, if not the world. A large percentage of professional classical musicians use it, maybe 25% or more. I took it a few times my senior year of college, to avoid stage fright when performing. It worked like a charm.
Posts: 3354 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I used to suffer from anxiety, although not usually about performance. What got me curing myself was my Mother yelling at me that it was purely psychological.
Which it is, of course. Anything realtively mildly psychological (and what you have sounds pretty mild, as it seems that you are managing it just fine; you're not panicking in front of your class or anything) can be beaten through psychological means, I told myself. I basically told myself off and tried strategies (running, singing) to calm myself down a bit.
It seemed to work.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
One is that I think that once I had suffered the initial anxiety attacks (which seemed to be based on something) the thing I was most afraid of was not the thing I was doing, as they started to happen at something I should have become comfortable with) but the attack itself.
Is it possible that you, having got over the initial fears and now doing something you intellectually feel confident about, were worried about "the anxiety attacks returning!"?
Now, the thing that makes you anxious is the fact you are afraid you will have an attack, will have to throw up, will have to cut the class short etc. Slowly, they will get worse if you let this be the case because the more you expect them, the more they will happen.
For example, just sitting on my bed on a Saturday writing about anxiety attacks is actually triggering in me some of the reactions I associate with anxiety attacks-- the urge to swallow, feelings of thirst, a vague sense of unease in my stomach. The very memory of having embarrassing attacks of nauseating anxiety ten years ago is enough to trigger risidual physical reactions.
It's the anxiety attack that I think sometimes you become obsessed and anxious about. Worrying about it is the thing that makes it worse.
My second thing is this statement of yours:
quote:And if this is what I have to look forward to every time I step in front of the classroom, I honestly don't know that I'm cut out to be a professor.
Poppycock.
You have had this dream for a long time, and you are going to let yourself be held back by feeling a bit anxious and throwing up every so often? You should punch yourself in the face.
If it was wartime, you would be swept off to war and you would deal with whatever that brought. If you were a fisherman, you'd go out to see everyday regardless of the whether. If you were a coalminer, you'd go and be a coal miner. The risks would be higher and I doubt you would feel anxious past the initial "first day shakes".
Our lives often give us ample time to feel anxious about things that are SO NOT SCARY, that we are forced to build them up into things that are. Nothing bad could happen in your class, honestly. Try to think of the worst case scenario facing a professor of 120 students who has already proven himself to be effective.
Seriously? You are allowing yourself to be brought down by something so easy to either deal with or control. Run around the building twice before you teach. Leave the classroom running. Laugh with a student before and after class. I found being active and deliberately relaxed stupidly helpful. I'd go outside and walk or run as fast as I could, and look at leaves and make notes for stories and other things that shouldn't have been effective and were because it was all in my head. There was nothing to be worried about and so there wasn't.
You'll get over it when you stop allowing yourself to be beaten by it.
</channelling my Mother's at the time annoying but turned out correct advice>
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Teshi, if I remember correctly, there may be complicating factors in your life and your health which may have played a role in your anxiety (at least in triggers, if not more), and that other issue has been treated separately.
I'm glad your life is working out well, and I respect you and your experience. I'm just not sure it is as generalizable as one may believe, and I think it would be a disservice to act on that in this case without knowing further details of Dr. Strangelove's circumstances -- circumstances which may well include other factors (like those for which you were treated, possibly), and circumstances for which it requires a trained person to sort through. For example, none of us have screened our friend above for depression, which would likely be done at an initial clinic visit -- and given what I remember here and reading between the lines above, I would consider myself unethical and inappropriate to diagnose and recommend treatment without that step. Give information, yes. Be emphatic about what is happening and what will work for him, no.
Some anxiety can be dealt with on one's own. Some can be dealt with on one's own if and when other complicating factors are dealt with concurrently. For some anxiety, trying to bulldoze your way through without the skills to do so may make it worse. At this point, I would expect the latter is the most typical way for this to work out -- that is, I would expect completing the degree not to happen, in the long run -- and I would really hate for well-intentioned supportive friendship here (without other guidance) to be a part of that.
I'll underscore, though, that I haven't seen anything but good intentions in anyone posting here. I just don't think good intentions are enough without more information and the training to sort through that, not when so much is on the line.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ct, for me, the whole point of getting over it was realizing that it a) likely wasn't a medical problem in the "I'm physically ill" sense and b) to get outraged by it as a problem.
I just wanted to put it out there, and I wanted to put it out there in a straightforward manner, because that's what helped me. My mother refused to treat it with kid gloves and that worked for me. I don't agree with all my mother's methods, but I think that this one was effective. I think it would have taken me longer to overcome it if she had been more gentle about it.
She had a similar problem as a teenager, and she recognized it me.
My second point I'll stick to wholeheaertedly. I don't think that nervousness, and we haven't seen any evidence it is more serious than that, is a good reason feel inadequate for a job you have already proven yourself good at and that you enjoy. If there is another reason he doesn't feel suited for the job, then we don't know about it.
If you're doing something you genuinely love, you're splendidly lucky and if it were me I would be furious that this thing, this "learned response", was in the way of me enjoying my job fully.
I'm not diagnosing Dr. Strangelove in a medical way. I'm explaining what happened to me and what, by extension, could be happening to him. I, for example, felt ill before movies for a long time after an episode in a movie theatre. Was I nervous about the movies themselves? Clearly not-- you sit in a dark theatre and watch the movie. Was I nervous about being anxious? You bet your buttons. And boy was it powerful-- I did not see the Two Towers in the movie theatre because of my anxiety. Way to control my life, "learned response".
quote:It is generally a learned response that can be unlearned, and the body can be re-habituated to a different response to the stimulus.
This is exactly what I said. I just said it in a less doctory way. The doctory way has already been said, thought I, let's try the way that helped me.
And yeah, it may not apply, there may be something he's not saying, but I don't think it's an egregious suggestion that his nervousness is more to do with the anxiety than the actual class if he expresses that he was comfortable with teaching at the end of last semester.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Teshi: I don't think that nervousness, and we haven't seen any evidence it is more serious than that ...
There is more that caught my eye. As he alluded to in his post, he has carried a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and it was a significant impact in the past. Current circumstances in light of that make the appropriate recommendations now more complicated.
quote:I just wanted to put it out there, and I wanted to put it out there in a straightforward manner, because that's what helped me.
And this context is different, in part as noted above. I suspect things may be more complicated here, though of course I don't know for sure. I don't think any of us do, but the prior context is important.
quote:I'm not diagnosing Dr. Strangelove in a medical way. I'm explaining what happened to me and what, by extension, could [emphasis added] be happening to him.
If it had been left at that, I wouldn't have said anything. But there was assessment made as well as recommendations. When you direct statements specifically to him such as "Poppycock" and "You are allowing yourself to be brought down by something so easy to either deal with or control," you are saying that you know this is true, not just that it could be true.
In some cases, it just isn't. I have seen some of those cases, although likely you and your mother haven't (which is good, but is also quite relevant). Similarly, "You'll get over it when you stop allowing yourself to be beaten by it" is at a level of emphatic that I do not think is warranted, and it goes beyond just sharing what has happened to you and may (or may not) be right for him.
quote:The doctory way has already been said, thought I, let's try the way that helped me.
The "doctory way" of it was less in the words used and more in the way of recommendation for further screening by someone there, in person, and qualified to do so.
I have been in the position of being asked about these things frankly dozens of times, certainly well more than a hundred in all. And I know enough to know what I do not know and when to refer, because I have been in the position of having missed important things (and have seen others do so, as well). It makes one more aware of one's limitations.
That is even more the benefit of being broadly experienced than what you can learn in a book. It is only by being brought up short when you do something dozens and dozens of times -- and are made by circumstances to face the impact on others when you are wrong -- that you learn a healthy respect for the wideness of the range of human resources, limitations, and outcomes. I don't know where Dr. Strangelove's own situation lies, and I don't see how any of us could.
I'm glad your mother's approach worked for you, and I hope it continues to do so. I am glad Dr. Strangelove has a friend in you who cares enough to share that. I think he also deserves more -- more than I can give him, as well -- and I'll [almost] leave it at that.
posted
Lastly, Teshi, I have a lot of respect for you as a person and for what you have managed to do. That is absolutely awesome, and you have every right to be proud of it.
You are an intelligent, engaged, and interesting person who has come through a lot. I do not in any way mean to denigrate that or make less of it.
---
Added: I love the image of you getting righteously angry at your body/mind for misbehaving. It has a splendid warrior woman connotation, and you really found a way to channel your strength. That is excellent.
Regarding the thread, my professional side does kick in, and honestly it really is because of mistakes I've made or seen others make, lessons learned the hard way. It's worth sorting through in a standardized manner without assuming the situation is necessarily what we want or first believe it to be. That's all, but it is in fact a lot, and I do think it is important.
My shrink recommended this book. It has a large variety of techniques and comes from a CBT perspective. There might be something in there to keep the edge off between appointments.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
And just so I don't give the wrong impression, CBT and medication also are helpful to me. As are exercise, progressive muscle relaxation, vitamins...lots of tools for dealing with anxiety/panic attacks.
Posts: 1676 | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dr. Strangelove, CT has given you lots of good advice on dealing with the anxiety, but there is one thing I'd like to add. Even though it seems clear that your nausea is associated with the stress of lecturing for this class, it is probably worth seeing a Gastrointerologist to make sure that you don't have a GI disorder of some kind. Lots of GI problems are exacerbated by stress. Since you haven't had nausea in response to stress or anxiety in the past, you should make sure that there isn't something different going on in your GI track which might be treated.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Diphenhydramine hydrochloride, the over-the-counter antihistamine that is used in most drugstore sleeping pills, is really good at dulling emotions. It is very good at giving you the "cool and composed" vibe. I sometimes use it from getting too excitable. I imagine that it would work wonders for this course.
A mental exercise that I began using, as well, is to try to not identify as yourself. Imagine that you are playing a role, are a character in a film or something, and not actually yourself. This psychological exercise seems to remove yourself somewhat from the situation. Make sure that the "persona" that you are playing is somewhat different from yourself -- ie, adopt an affectation, a drawl, change your speech patterns, anything to create deviance from your behavioral norms.
Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thank you all very much for the responses. I have a free day today, so I plan on looking into it all. I taught Monday and while I still felt sick before hand, at least I didn't puke. Though that also could have been because I didn't eat anything.
Teshi, I do really appreciate your words. While I'm not sure its quite as simple as bulling through it (maybe it is), I think you're right in that unless it gets a lot worse, I shouldn't give up my dream job because of it. That is "poppycock".
CT (and perhaps Teshi), you may know more about my psychology than you remember . On Sake back in November of 2006 I posted some about my struggles with depression. Feels like a lifetime ago. But that's one of the reasons that I am inclined to treat this with a little more trepidation and seek some outside help. I doubt that its nearly as serious as what I went through back then, but that started innocuously enough as well, and ended... poorly. Well, not ended, fortunately enough. Culminated. And while symptomatically this is not the same as my anxiety or panic attacks or depression (I'm a fun guy, really!), and so very well may be and likely is just nervousness (or something GI related - thanks for the advice Rabbit), I really don't want to risk falling down a slippery slope.
So yeah, if there's any more advice out there, keep it coming!
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I had that tucked away in my head, Dr. Strangelove, but didn't recall the full details. I remembered feeling bad that such a great guy was going through a tough time, and I sympathized with the challenges.
As we get older, we accumulate more information about our own stronger and weaker spots. It sucks to have a history of depression, because you then are in the position of yourself (and whomever is close to you) wondering whether you are just having a bad day or if it's the beginning of something more severe. [You don't ever really know if you are underreacting or overreacting, and trying to maintain a healthy balance is, well, a balancing act.]
Dr. S., I'm going to tell you this next bit not to minimize what you are dealing with, but maybe to normalize it. I have to do this as well with my heart. I've had 2 open-heart surgeries. Before the last one, I started getting more and more tired, having a harder time climbing up stairs. Now, every time I start to feel run down or tired, both my husband and I wonder if it's time again. I just recently had what seems to have been an asthma flare after a sinus infection -- not really wheezing, but chest tightness, short of breath when climbing stairs ... it was an odd echo, but fortunately nothing to do with my heart. I had to check in with my physicians to be sure, though.
The way I work it out with myself is that I ask myself and my husband if it is lasting longer than a couple of weeks and impacting my regular activities of daily living in a significant way. (Obviously, for emergency situations, I wouldn't wait a few weeks, but I mean those lingering times when you wonder if you are at the top of a long slippery slope again.) If it is significant in this way, I then check in with someone who knows me well and is trained to assess.
Then I listen to what they say. If they want more information, I go and get it -- X-ray, echocardiogram, logbook of symptoms, what have you. Or if they are not worried, I just make sure we make a plan on when to come back (if things get worse or don't get better in a certain timeframe), and I say thanks, head out, and try to put it aside. You've got to get good people in your life whose assessment is grounded and reliable for these things, because we all have trouble self-diagnosing. It's either make too much of it, or too little. And when you have a significant history, it doesn't define you, but it does shape the paths you take in the future.
Good luck. I really think this is going to work out fine. CBT is fun stuff for us intellectual types. *grin
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Do you think it is stress related to how you are going to teach the class or just being in front of so many people?
Maybe a diversion before class would be healthy. Play a game on your phone, or pick up a PSP or DS to take your mind off of the class.
I have also found (for me) that being overly prepared can make me more nervous. I will just write down a few key points, and wing the rest. I usually end up doing a lot better.
You could also check out your local Toastmasters chapter. They would be able to help you with some of the nervousness and jitters as well.
Posts: 1937 | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I have friends who love Toastmasters, and it has helped people with issues like this for years. Not to say it is a lock for you, but it is something to consider in addition to other remedies.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
