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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » My potty, my choice.

   
Author Topic: My potty, my choice.
Stone_Wolf_
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So, I've been potty training my 2 3/4 year old son, and had a lot of initial success. He went 4 months without crapping his pants. We went from diapers, to pull ups, to underwear. And then it became more and more of a struggle to get him to use the potty. We had to regress to pull ups, and then to diapers, as he flat out refuses to use the potty (the big one and his own little one). He kicks and screams and thrashes about, and then if I can actually get him on the john, he sits and sings or yells or just touches everything and it takes about 15 min to even pee...and then as soon as we are done, he will poop in his brand new diaper within minutes.

We were giving him a candy treat (a single M&M) for ever poop in the potty, but ramped up to a potty chart with squares of Thomas the Train tracks with a big prize (new book or toy) at the turns, with each box being filled with 4 small stickers for peepee or one big sticker for poops, and still giving candy for #2.

So, even with all that, he flat out refuses to go. I have basically given up, as I know he -can- do it, but just chooses not to.

Any advice?

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rivka
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Yes. Stop making this a battle, and let him use a diaper for a few months.
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Bella Bee
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Well, kids are weird. Some kids (with no development issues at all) need loo help, even up to four or five because they love the attention that diapers or botty-wiping gives them. They like spending extra time in the toilet, since they know your attention is entirely focused on them because you really want them to just get on with it - kind of like some dogs - they just won't go when you want them to. I used to babysit a few children who were like that.

It's a shame though, and probably different with every kid. So I guess just make sure he's fine by school age, because teachers usually don't have time for that stuff.

As for Thomas the Tank Engine - he's the perfect age to be obsessed with him, but, however clever he is (I'm sure he's fantastic), he's probably not quite ready to really think seriously about whether he's being a 'good boy' or not. He's two, so a lot of the time he just wants what he wants, when he wants it.

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Samprimary
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Call the war off, have lots of positive reinforcements on hold for when he wants to use the toilet. Casually mention if there is inquiry that <potential reward or goodie or whatever> is for kids who use the toilet, but otherwise just revert him to diapers.
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Stone_Wolf_
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Yupper...that's what I thought, thanks everyone!
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Hedwig
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This video contributes absolutely nothing to getting a kid to use the toilet, but it's fun to watch.
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BlackBlade
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Our son (2) was trying to lift the lid on the toilet this morning when his mom said "knock that off!" About 5 minutes later I heard. "crap! He peed all next to the toilet. Sometimes it's the parents who need proper training.
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AchillesHeel
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Once again, a thread in which the topic makes me extremely hesitant to watch a video that is pertinent.
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Hedwig
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This video, "Bear in the Big Blue House - Potty Time With Bear", contributes absolutely nothing to getting a kid to use the toilet, but it's fun to watch.
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Yozhik
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This potty training video is hilarious, but I don't think it's supposed to be:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kf5BrSxbk [Angst]

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Szymon
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Yozhik, now I can't get that out of my head. Why did you do that to me? when I sit on the potty!
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Stone_Wolf_
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That woman's career took off from this...she has the whole market about singing songs about "sitting on the potty" cornered!
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Stephan
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After things calm down a bit, have you tried a naked day? We were having difficulty with my daughter, and read that idea online. No clothes, no diaper, everyone stays home for a couple of days. (Obviously wear a diaper for sleeping). No clothes, nowhere to put the poop, might as well sit on the potty. Set a timer for 15 - 30 minutes, it buzzes, time for the potty (pavlov's baby?). Yesterday was day one, and it seemed pretty successful, no accidents at all. She even yelled after bedtime to go to the potty.
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Sean Monahan
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quote:
Originally posted by Hedwig:
This video, "Bear in the Big Blue House - Potty Time With Bear", contributes absolutely nothing to getting a kid to use the toilet, but it's fun to watch.

Totally off topic, but, I've never seen this show before -- how is that bear being controlled?? It appears that the guy inside is controlling the left arm and head with his arms, but then how is the right arm moving? With Big Bird, it was always obvious, since one arm was always inert, and he looked like he had a slight case of scoliosis, which arm was controlling the head. But here, I see no weird curvature of this bear's back, and can't figure out how one guy could be doing all this. It's kind of impressive.
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Hedwig
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The guy inside isn't controlling the head; that's remote controlled.
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Stone_Wolf_
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That's what I thought too...but I did a quick search and couldn't pull up anything to support this so I deleted my post saying so.
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ak
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The brilliant Marek was uncle to a young man who still furiously refused to use the potty by age 3, if I'm remembering correctly. They began ninja training together, and Marek mentioned that part of ninja training was learning to use the potty, since the crinkly sound diapers make when the ninja is trying to move stealthily would be a dead giveaway. So diapers-wearers are routinely washed out of ninja training, he said, which makes a lot of sense. So part of their ninja training was potty use and subsequent hand washing. Suddenly the would-be ninja was completely cooperative. Problem solved.

I think this would work equally well if you substitute training for any deeply desired mastery, such as fencing (freedom of movement) or equestrianism (soggy diapers cause saddle sores), ballerina (correct body lines under tutu) or whatever the kid likes doing a lot.

It seems like "I'm trying to help you achieve your goal of..." is a lot better approach than "you must do this because...".

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Hedwig
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quote:
Originally posted by Stone_Wolf_:
That's what I thought too...but I did a quick search and couldn't pull up anything to support this so I deleted my post saying so.

Good idea. It turns out I was wrong.

http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Bear

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Stone_Wolf_
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Thanks ak, that's a great idea.

quote:
Like Big Bird, Bear was operated by Noel operating the head with his right hand and a string attached from the right arm to the chest to the left hand. Noel MacNeal wore a monitor strapped to his chest to see what Bear was doing.
From the source quoted by Hedwig.
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Stone_Wolf_
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So, I have backed off pressure to use the potty, asking him nicely every now and again, and just accepting if he says no, and been telling him about school and how awesome it is, and that to go to school he needs to go potty like a big boy (true).

Today he told me he had poops, and this time they weren't in his pants! So I asked if he wanted to use the potty, and he said yes, and he did! Yay! He asked me, "I get candy and a sticker Daddy?" And I said "Yes!"

Forward progress hoooo!

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rivka
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[Smile]
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Geraine
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This probably won't help, but...

I had the same problem. I would go, then just flat out refused to. To me it was just easier to use a diaper and then have someone else clean up the mess.

My mother told me one day "You know what would really make mommy happy? If you went on the potty."

Apparently I said "ok" and that was the end of it. [Smile]

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Stephan
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quote:
Originally posted by Geraine:
This probably won't help, but...

I had the same problem. I would go, then just flat out refused to. To me it was just easier to use a diaper and then have someone else clean up the mess.

My mother told me one day "You know what would really make mommy happy? If you went on the potty."

Apparently I said "ok" and that was the end of it. [Smile]

That is working well for us to. We are showing her how` happy with her when she goes. For poo we even let her call a relative to brag.
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hansenj
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My way doesn't seem to be very popular because parents are anxious to be done with diapers, but I just waited. And waited and waited until James was ready. We didn't end up potty training until he was fully three and a half. But when we did, he had fewer than five accidents over the course of a week or so, and he transitioned to underwear overnight very smoothly. It was awesome.
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scholarette
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I am debating what to do with my little one. She is 20 months old and she likes sitting on the potty with her diaper off, wiping herself and washing her hands. No pottying yet, but she is going through the motions. She has for like 6 months been bringing us diapers when she wants to be changed. This is more interested than my older child ever was. So, I am feeling like she is more interested and perhaps I should be doing something with the potty training. But she is also so little. Her communication skills are mostly point and grunt and she is my baby (I plan on no more though I haven't convinced husband to get vasectomy yet as I am on the pill for medical reasons and he figures if I am taking the pill anyway, why should he do something painful.) So, she seems too little to be potty training but I also don't want to like miss her interest window. I don't know if kids have interest windows with potty training but they go through phases in everything else so why not potty training.
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Stone_Wolf_
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Here is a tip for keeping the stank around the diaper pail to a minimum...dump the contents of a poopy diaper into the toilet and give it a burial at sea before wrapping up the diaper and discarding it (careful as most wipes are not flushable). Cuts down on horrible stenches by an order of magnitude.
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talsmitde
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While we're on the subject of potty-training:

Our little girl (3.5), has been well potty-trained during the day for almost a year now, but we're at a loss on how to transition her to staying dry at night--she's currently in night time pull-ups, and my wife wakes her to take her to bathroom before we go to sleep at about midnight, but she still wakes up with a wet pull-up more often than not. Thoughts?

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