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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Terrible History Movie Suggestions.

   
Author Topic: Terrible History Movie Suggestions.
Darth_Mauve
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OK. Serious movie suggestions are being made in another thread.

List some historically TERRIBLE movies to watch--things you want to see in order to FLUNK history.

Extra credit if it is not trying to be blatant propaganda.

Inglorious Bastards (they didn't shoot Hitler?)

Captain America (they didn't punch Hitler either?)

Star Wars (it says in the title sequence--A long time ago).

Birth of a Nation. (You mean the Klan wasn't a bunch of self-sacrificing noble heroes protecting us from those evil ex-slaves?)

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Xavier
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To be fair, nobody punched Hitler in Captain America (that I remember). Just actors pretending to be Hitler.

Though if a student reporting about how Hitler was small change, and the real threat was the rogue officer with weapons powered by an alien cube, that might not get a passing grade.

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JanitorBlade
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The Patriot

Braveheart (Sorry Mel Gibson, but both those movies are terrible historically speaking).

Robin Hood (Russel Crowe / Ridley Scott version)

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AchillesHeel
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Last Samurai.
The Alamo.
300.

Not a single one of these movies has Hitler getting punched in the face. Why not? Seriously, tell me why.

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Stephan
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The Ten Commandments
Passion of Christ

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Aros
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Doctor Strangelove
Iron Sky

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The Black Pearl
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If only Empire was adapted into a movie.
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Samprimary
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pearl harbor
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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by Samprimary:
pearl harbor

+1

------

The Longest Day

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Dan_Frank
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quote:
Originally posted by JanitorBlade:
Robin Hood (every version)

Fixed.
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Marek
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quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
quote:
Originally posted by JanitorBlade:
Robin Hood (every version)

Fixed.
What about Men in tights? Surely Mel Brooks was historically accurate. After all, just look at his other works;

Blazing Saddles,
History of the world part 1
To be or not to be

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Lyrhawn
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I thought Disney did a decent job with it. The dancing cartoon animals were spot on.
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AchillesHeel
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quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
quote:
Originally posted by JanitorBlade:
Robin Hood (every version except the one where Robin Hood is a fox)

Fixed.

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Xavier
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The Patriot was one that pissed me off. So much potential, so much wasted on trying to alter history to fit a nice "good versus evil" narrative.
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Dan_Frank
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quote:
Originally posted by Lyrhawn:
I thought Disney did a decent job with it. The dancing cartoon animals were spot on.

I absolutely love that movie. I didn't think that was the criteria, though.
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Stone_Wolf_
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quote:
Originally posted by AchillesHeel:
Last Samurai.

What was so inaccurate about this movie? I have done no research, but nothing stuck out to me as being wrong.
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Dan_Frank
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quote:
Originally posted by Stone_Wolf_:
quote:
Originally posted by AchillesHeel:
Last Samurai.

What was so inaccurate about this movie? I have done no research, but nothing stuck out to me as being wrong.
Scientology hadn't been invented yet.
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Stone_Wolf_
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quote:
10) 10,000 B.C.
Director Roland Emmerich is usually a stickler for realism (see: sending a computer virus via Macintosh to aliens in Independence Day). So we hate to inform him that woolly mammoths were not, in fact, used to build pyramids. Heck, woolly mammoths weren’t even found in the desert. They wouldn’t need to be woolly if that were the case. And there weren’t any pyramids in Egypt until 2,500 B.C or so.

9) Gladiator
Emperor Commodus was not the sniveling sister-obsessed creep portrayed in the movie. A violent alcoholic, sure, but not so whiny. He ruled ably for over a decade rather than ineptly for a couple months. He also didn’t kill his father, Marcus Aurelius, who actually died of chickenpox. And instead of being killed in the gladiatorial arena, he was murdered in his bathtub.

8) 300
Though this paean to ancient moral codes and modern physical training is based on the real Battle of Thermopylae, the film takes many stylistic liberties. The most obvious one being Persian king Xerxes was not an 8-foot-tall Cirque du Soleil reject. The Spartan council was made up of men over the age of 60, with no one as young as Theron (played by 37-year-old Dominic West). And the warriors of Sparta went into battle wearing bronze armor, not just leather Speedos

7) The Last Samurai
The Japanese in the late 19th century did hire foreign advisers to modernize their army, but they were mostly French, not American. Ken Watanabe’s character was based on the real Saigo Takamori who committed ritual suicide, or “seppuku,” in defeat rather than in a volley of Gatling gun fire. Also, it’s doubtful that a 40-something alcoholic Civil War vet, even one with great hair, would master the chopsticks much less the samurai sword.

6) Apocalypto
This one movie has given entire Anthropology departments migraines. Sure the Maya did have the odd human sacrifice but not to Kulkulkan, the Sun God, and only high-ranking captives taken in battle were killed. The conquistadors arriving at the end of the film made for unlikely saviors: an estimated 90% of indigenous American population was killed by smallpox from their infected livestock.

5) Memoirs of a Geisha
The geisha coming-of-age, called “mizuage,” was really more of a makeover, where she changed her hairstyle and clothes. It didn’t involve her getting… intimate with a client. In the climactic scene where Sayuri wows Gion patrons with her dancing prowess, her routine – which involves some platform shoes, fake snow, and a strobe light – seems more like a Studio 54 drag show than anything in pre-war Kyoto.

4) Braveheart
Let’s forget the fact that kilts weren’t worn in Scotland until about 300 years after William Wallace’s day and just do some simple math. According to the movie, Wallace’s blue-eyed charm at the Battle of Falkirk was so overpowering, he seduced King Edward II’s wife, Isabella of France, and the result of their affair was Edward III. But according to the history books, Isabella was three years old at the time of Falkirk, and Edward III was born seven years after Wallace died.

3) Elizabeth: The Golden Age
In 1585, when the movie takes place, Queen Elizabeth was 52 years old – Cate Blanchett was 36 when she shot the film – and was not being courted by suitors like Ivan the Terrible (who was dead by then). And though the movie has her rallying the troops at Tilbury astride a white steed in full armor with a sword, in fact she rode side saddle, carrying a baton. She was more of a regal majorette than Joan of Arc.

2) The Patriot
Revolutionary War figure Francis “The Swamp Fox” Marion was the basis for Mel Gibson’s character, but he wasn’t the forward-thinking family man they show in the flick. He was a slave owner who didn’t get married (to his cousin) until after the war was over. Historians also say that he actively persecuted and murdered native Cherokees. Plus, the thrilling Battle of Guilford Court House where he vanquishes his British nemesis? In reality, the Americans lost that one.

1) 2001: A Space Odyssey
According to this film, in year 2001 we would have had manned voyages to Jupiter, a battle of wits with a sentient computer, and a quantum leap in human evolution. Instead we got the Mir Space Station falling from the sky, Windows XP, and Freddy Got Fingered. Apparently the lesson here is that sometimes it’s better when the movies get the facts all wrong.

http://themovieblog.com/2008/10-most-historically-inaccurate-movies/
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Stone_Wolf_
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I recant the question.

http://www.willamette.edu/~rloftus/LastSamurai.htm

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LargeTuna
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Richard III. The Ian McKellen version!
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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by Xavier:
The Patriot was one that pissed me off. So much potential, so much wasted on trying to alter history to fit a nice "good versus evil" narrative.

I know right? I was loving the production values, and then they tried to make it all Rambo in 1776.
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Bella Bee
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I remember being annoyed at 'Lady Jane' as a kid because it annoyed me that an abusive (at best) Tudor relationship was portrayed as a romance. Not to mention the two Elizabeth movies (although I enjoy them as movies).

Shakespeare in Love and Titanic. Yuck.

Terminator 3 - The world didn't end in robo-death drama in 2005. Revise your timeline.

By the way, this site is great for pointing out the ridiculousness of Hollywood (and occasionally Bollywood etc) takes on historical drama.

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Stephan
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I am looking forward to adding back to the future 2 to the list.
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Samprimary
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z3GJiZqDCI
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advice for robots
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quote:
Originally posted by Stephan:
I am looking forward to adding back to the future 2 to the list.

No way. I'm still holding out hope for my hoverboard.
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Thesifer
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The DaVinci Code
National Treasure 1 and 2

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Boris
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Forrest Gump, anyone? No?
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Xavier
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Which parts are historically inaccurate, besides the fact that central character wasn't there in real life?

I don't know how a student would watch Forrest Gump and come away worse on a history test, unless they specifically mention the characters within.

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Thesifer
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quote:
Originally posted by Xavier:
Which parts are historically inaccurate, besides the fact that central character wasn't there in real life?

I don't know how a student would watch Forrest Gump and come away worse on a history test, unless they specifically mention the characters within.

quote:
During the 1972 New Year's Eve celebration, Forrest drinks a Dr. Pepper with a logo that wasn't devised until the mid-1980s.

The film suggests that Forrest Gump inspired the happy face logo in the late 1970s. Although there is dispute as to when and who originated the smiley face (sometime in the mid 1960s) it was being commonly used in the early 1970s by brothers Murray and Bernard Spain, who used the image in a campaign to sell novelty items such as pin back buttons. The smiley face had already passed its peak of popularity by the late 1970s when the film suggests it was first created.

See - Totally FALSE!
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The Black Pearl
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Year One
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stilesbn
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quote:
Originally posted by Xavier:
Which parts are historically inaccurate, besides the fact that central character wasn't there in real life?

I don't know how a student would watch Forrest Gump and come away worse on a history test, unless they specifically mention the characters within.

At one point there is a guy who comes up to an intersection. He turns left and walks off the screen. In reality that guy actually kept going straight!
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Teshi
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A Knight's Tale...should not be on this list. It is a totally accurate portrayal of medieval life.
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AchillesHeel
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quote:
Originally posted by umberhulk:
Year One

I don't know, Batman Year One was pretty accurate.
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sarcasticmuppet
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Showtime's the Tudors. Not a movie, granted, but holy cow is it bad history, bad costumes, bad everything.
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Aros
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Game of Thrones. Most inaccurate portrayal of the War of the Roses EVER. That totally did not happen! Okay, maybe the part about the dragons....
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Jeff C.
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There's a movie called Pope Joan (I think), which is supposed to be about the only female pope. The whole thing is based on a legend, but they try to pass it off as fact.

There's a cracked article that completely debunks it, though. I'd read the cracked article first so that you can see all the things they get wrong in the film.

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Jeff C.
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Also, there's that movie about King Arthur, starring Clive Owen, from 2004.
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Geraine
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Wait until 2017 then add the Atlas Shrugged movie to the list. That movie.... Was horrible.
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The Black Pearl
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Zero Dark Thirty. It's great.
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Darth_Mauve
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Hercules--any version, but the Xena/Hercules TV Series were achingly bad at portraying history. Troy one week, Samurai warriors from the 1200's the next, David & Goliath the next followed by the Virgin Mary for the Christmas episode...All History was about 4 years long.
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Jeff C.
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quote:
Originally posted by Teshi:
A Knight's Tale...should not be on this list. It is a totally accurate portrayal of medieval life.

Not sure if sarcasm....
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Redpill
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No one has mentioned Amistad yet?

Well, Amistad.

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Corwin
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quote:
Originally posted by Jeff C.:
quote:
Originally posted by Teshi:
A Knight's Tale...should not be on this list. It is a totally accurate portrayal of medieval life.

Not sure if sarcasm....
Then the post worked. [Big Grin]
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Stephan
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quote:
Originally posted by Darth_Mauve:
Hercules--any version, but the Xena/Hercules TV Series were achingly bad at portraying history. Troy one week, Samurai warriors from the 1200's the next, David & Goliath the next followed by the Virgin Mary for the Christmas episode...All History was about 4 years long.

Makes me remember an episode of a live action Robin Hood show where Mongols were attacking them.

edit: There it is http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0659261/

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dem
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Lincoln, with Daniel Day Lewis. Not one vampire in the whole movie!
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Sa'eed
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quote:
Originally posted by sarcasticmuppet:
Showtime's the Tudors. Not a movie, granted, but holy cow is it bad history, bad costumes, bad everything.

It plays fast and lose with some historical details but the show is quite enjoyable and is gorgeous, possibly the best looking historical drama ever put on television. I can see why why someone very interested in that part of history might have problems with it but for the rest of us, it's some good tv.
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Glenn Arnold
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quote:
1) 2001: A Space Odyssey
According to this film, in year 2001 we would have had manned voyages to Jupiter, a battle of wits with a sentient computer, and a quantum leap in human evolution. Instead we got the Mir Space Station falling from the sky, Windows XP, and Freddy Got Fingered. Apparently the lesson here is that sometimes it’s better when the movies get the facts all wrong.

Sorry, but movies don't become history movies retroactively when they pass their expiration date.
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