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That was boundacious. You and my stories are kind of the same overall, though very different in just about every particular. Coming to a place through a path that you can't believe you took.
By the way, did anything hideous happen to that couple that got married in the Eiffel Tower? Or do I need to burn more newt eyes?
quote: we watched some horrible movie the guys picked out about spatulas and a cable station
UHF!! (Someone was bound to bring it up sooner or later.)
Seriously, though, in true landmark fashion, you gave us a beautiful look at many of the people and experiences that make you who you are. I've never met you, but you're officially on my list of Hatrackers I'd love to encounter face to face. Until then, don't be a stanger. Keep living and keep sharing.
Posts: 1090 | Registered: Oct 2003
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This is bound to be one of the most memorable landmarks simply because of our special assignment to use an ordinary word in all of our responses. I love it!!
Dearest Katie,
I've read so many of these 10,000 posts of yours from the sidelines, usually in awe of your ability to debate, converse, argue and bring in the funny. I feel like I know you personally, though you probably didn't know I was noticing so much. I've noticed that you're an amazing person. And I've noticed that you're well loved. I hope you've noticed this as well.
Thank you for your landmark post. It will be an important part of our community history...and the history is better because you're in it.
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I don't know how to express what I want to say, other than a hug. (Kat) It was bound to happen sooner than later.
Posts: 1132 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I almost never post in landmark threads, but I read them all (yes, in their entirety ). Thank you for this chance to get to know you better.
Posts: 896 | Registered: Feb 2001
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This is the last post I can make for a week or so, but this is definitely the best place to put it. I'm glad you finally did your landmark, and I'm very glad to have read it.
I really enjoyed meeting you this past year. I figure you're bound to make it out here again; can't wait for it.
Some people live with the weight of the world on their shoulders. So often we carry this weight through no fault of our own. I hope you are not carrying a lot of guilt around, but it sounds like you are. I hope that you find a way to lay this burden down, because you don't deserve it. Barring that, maybe you can let some of us help you carry it.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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I don't usually read these things, but this time I'm really glad I did. It's these really good ones that make me feel obligated to do one myself at some point.
And what's with this bound thing (notice I used obligated in the post proper, but still incorporated the word bound anyway because I'm a sucker)?
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((((((((((Kat)))))))))) Thanks for sharing. Each grief is different, so I won't tell I know how you feel or felt, that would be ridiculous. But I feel closer to you. And congrats for 10 000 ! Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Oh, thank you guys. I'm feel a little sheepish for how hesitant I was to post this. I should have known Hatrack's response. Thank you so much.
A few things:
1. For those who were offended, sorry about the word thing. It was just in the middle of typing something almost heavy, and it was time for a joke, and that's unfortunately the one that came to mind. It occurred to me a few days ago what a cool word it was, and I wondered all the different ways to use it. Hatrack: Better than a dictionary!
2. Noemon and saxon: *hug* I did have a lot of guilt for a long time. I know there is such thing as survivor's guilt, and it's natural. Unfortunately, I had more than abundant empirical evidence to point out that mine was actually warranted. The net effect was to swear to be a better daughter to the parent I had left, which now included listening and obeying, which for the first 20 years I had never felt a need. I didn't actually inform my dad of this resolution, though, so he was doing his usual dictating fully expecting it to be as fruitless as usual, and I was trying to follow and being miserable because I was trying to be so good, but I was living someone else's life and it didn't fit. Thankfully, I dropped that a couple of years ago when I got an order to stop dating someone. It offended me to the core (and, considering his own history, smacked of more than a little hypocrisy.) I remember - it was a "Okay, I'm done. I did my best." moment. Have to grow up sometime. I'm a lot happier now.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I wasn't really offended. I meant all the good things I said, and I hope the bound comment wasn't all that you got out of my post. I just know that those of us who have been beaten up a bit by life have a hard time taking people and things at face value, and always feel the need to test everything. If I am simply projecting my own issues on to you, then I humbly apologize. In any case, I wasn't so much offended as refusing to play the game out of a desire for you to simply accept my good wishes on face value. Hmm . . . I'm not quite expressing myself how I want to. Not that I think you would have not believed me, but that, for instance, I have a tendency of waiting for the other shoe to fall when people compliment me. A lesson I need to learn is to accept kindness and compliments without making excuses for them (Of course people would post nice thoughts in my landmark post; you noticed my weight loss? I must have really been fat before; okay, when do you get to the "but" part of your compliment?) I thought I might be seeing in you the same tendency I have seen in myself.
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Some responses... I wanted to thank everyone, and I appreciate greatly the comments of everone. I'm addressing below those that requested or piqued a specific response, but I read every one. It means a lot to me.
Icarus: I felt the sincerity behind your response: no worries. I was worried for a moment that some would think I was testing people - not at all. At least, not conciously.
I did have disclaimers at the beginning and some belligerence at the end that I removed once I realized I didn't the protections, so I understand the impulse.
Bob: Thank you for that. I'm told from very reliable sources - Slash and Olivia - that I'm, um, nicer in person than online. I'm taking that as an ompliment.
afr: Kelli Cargile Cook is a killer teacher, isn't she? Tell her hello for me! I'll need her to write me some more recommendations soon.
Taal: That last monday was an incredibly good day. Thank you for it.
unicornwhisperer: You know what, I can't remember! I can't remember finding Hatrack! It just wasn't a big deal then. If it helps, I can't remember learning to read, either. I forget birthdays and anniverseries, too. *hangs head in shame*
Ophelia: We totally need to play in Houston. Maybe the last weekend in February? Will that work? I'll send an e-mail.
quote:Bob: Thank you for that. I'm told from very reliable sources - Slash and Olivia - that I'm, um, nicer in person than online. I'm taking that as an ompliment.
It was a compliment. Badly worded, of course, but a compliment nonetheless.
And it was also an ompliment -- hmm...must be some sort of omnipotent compliment.
(I'm also impressed that you made a typo and managed to change to the appropriate article from a to an). LOL!!!
By the way, I'm going to be away the last weekend in February, so I can't come and play with you and Ophelia in Houston. But I would like to!
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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That has to be the most beautiful thing I've ever read on Hatrack. I'm sorry you had to go through the pain of losing your mom so earlier for such unnatural causes. I hope the rest of your life and the life that you mentioned you didn't mention will be and has been more cheerful. No, I don't hope; it's bound to be better.
Posts: 2292 | Registered: Aug 2003
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The thing is, kat, there is no way that you could have predicted that the things you did would have led to what happened; the decision to drive her to the hopsiptal was a reasonable one, and really, so was the decision to just hurry up and go, and not bother looking for the cell phone. It was tragic, but not your fault. Really. At all. I can understand blaming yourself; were I in your shoes, I'd probably blame myself, but from the perspective of an outside observer, I can tell you that from what you've described, you really are blameless.
Oh, and by the way, for the interforum humor. Maybe we can start a meme!
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Kat, basically, the way my schedule works, you're better off picking a date/time and as it approaches I'll see if I'm in TX that week/weekend or not.
It's crazy, but I've been called away on 1 day's notice 3x in the last 2 months.
But, yes, March currently doesn't suck.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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wowzer, Kat, that was a wonderful post! And well, well worth the wait.
It burst the boundaries of the landmark tradition. Thanks so much for taking the time to put it down into words and for the courage it took to post it. Stuff that close to the heart is tough to share.
*major hugs* I still like to think of you as a long lost sister I haven't met yet.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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March is better for me, too, I think. (The last weekend in February is the beginning of spring break, but I should be back from whatever I decide to do by the 7th at the latest.) It's a busy month, but if you pick a day I'll see if I can work with it.
Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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I told you on Friday night at WenchCon, and here goes again.... YOu really, really are NOT to blame for her death. Promise.
I know it may feel like an easy thing for me to say, just to make you feel better, but it really is a no-brainer. Your emotional reality may be different, but the fact is it would have happened anyway. Your actions didn't change that at all. Everyone can see that but you, and my prayer for you is that you will see it as clearly as we can. (((Kate)))
Oh, and stupid Sam! His loss, though. Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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"The world breaks every one, and afterwards many are strong at the broken places." -A Farewell to Arms
Kate, in case I did not express it fully enough before, it was a great pleasure to actually meet you in person. I did not know then what you have come through; and now I'm left wondering if knowing your past would have in some way obscured my view of the present. (A relationship version of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, if you will.) Either way, I'll take what I can get. I would not have you be anyone other than who you are, and I hope for more opportunities to discover who that person is. If I get a chance I'll send you an email or a letter soon.
Posts: 224 | Registered: Aug 2002
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katharina, love, I swear this to you: if she were that fragile, the end was very very near. If worrying over you that weekend pushed her over the edge, then she was already 99/100ths of the way over. If minutes made the difference, they made the difference in terms of hours or at most days, not weeks or months. I swear it. And that's a word I never, ever use lightly.
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). Thank you for this chance to get to know you better.
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That last monday was an incredibly good day. Thank you for it. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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for the interforum humor. Maybe we can start a meme!
