"I don't know why she swallowed a fly," she waved her hands wildly as she spoke. "Perhaps she'll die!"
or...
"I don't know why she swallowed a fly." She waved her hands wildly as she spoke. "Perhaps she'll die!"
More to the point. When you aren't using a said'ism, do you end the sentence inside the dialogue quotes or do you do it just like you do with a 'she said'?
posted
The second example is the recommended style. Dialogue attribution is a clause of a dialogue sentence. Descriptive context, expressions, gestures, actions, etc., are set off as distinct sentences unless they're part of the attribution clause. "Uh-huh," Mary said and bowed her head. "You're right." However, keeping attributions as simple as possible is the recommendation. "Uh-huh," Mary said. She bowed her head. "You're right." Conversely, the descriptive context might replace the attribution altogether as long as it indicates who is doing the speaking. "Uh-huh." Mary bowed her head. "You're right."
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posted
Just as a stylistic matter, I would take out the "while she spoke." The assumption when you put an "action tag" in the middle like that is that it's while she spoke so it seems a little redundant to me. But as far as the punctuation is concerned, the second is indeed correct.
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posted
If it is the end of a sentence, unless it is a dialogue tag such as "she said" you use a period. What you showed was a run-on sentence. So unless you deliberately want to use a runon sentence for some stylistic reason, you wouldn't use commas.
And I would use an ellipsis or an em dash most likely if I were using an action tag of any length if I were putting it in the middle of a sentence. Normally if you're using a tag of any kind in the middle of dialogue, you put it where there would be a pause so that works.
[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited July 30, 2008).]
quote:If it is the end of a sentence, unless it is a dialogue tag such as "she said" you use a period. What you showed was a run-on sentence. So unless you deliberately want to use a runon sentence for some stylistic reason, you wouldn't use commas.
Meh... it was an example. I didn't really intend for it to be critiqued.
posted
I wasn't critiquing it--just discussing the grammatical and stylistic issues with a sentence of this type. Of course, you didn't mean it to be critiqued.
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posted
No worries, Jeanne. I find that do this a lot in my writing though. Split a dialogue statement with an attribution or possibly a subtle action where a person might pause comfortably.
I don't think its necessarily wrong but I probably overuse it. Scratch that... I definitely overuse it.
Just looking over the story I'm working on tonight I can see where I have done that in several places.
posted
There's nothing wrong with doing it part of the time, especially where a natural pause would come. But we probably don't want to go overboard with any particular technique. The question always is where exactly do we reach "overboard." LOL
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posted
You don't have to use "said" or some substitute all the time. I recommend its use---it does identify that somebody whose speaking pretty well.
You could just put the character name in, instead of "she." "Martha waved her hands wildly as she spoke."
Barry B. Longyear---remember him?---once advocated never using "said" at all. I think that's carrying it to an unhealthy extreme, but a lot of his writing really worked.
posted
Action tags such as you mention are an excellent substitute, I think.
Most other substitutes for said are viewed with extreme disfavor by editors these days whatever authors may have done in the past though.
"Saidisms" tend to be considered a bit amateurish. Mind you, sometimes established authors still get away with mild ones, but most of us here aren't established.
I stick with "said" 90% of the time if I need a tag. I don't mind replied if it flows well. Asked is all right (all from my own point of view--I'm not saying some rule) but it seems a bit redundant to me. I'll use whispered or shouted only if it isn't perfectly clear from the context. Otherwise, personally, I avoid saidisms like the plague and frankly I think writing is cleaner and more elegant without them--or mine is anyway.
[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited July 31, 2008).]