Hi Meredith,Be happy to take a look at the whole thing as well.
From what I've read here, I think your first three lines are a good start.
I felt the next few lines to be less engaging as you go into the the details of the how the magic damaged the world. I think there is a bit of telling there.
I think you might be better off jumping directly to "When Rell is caught...
So you might have something like this:
"Rell lives in a world where magic is dead. As far as he's concerned that's a good thing, considering the damage it did during the Great Mage War.
When Rell discovers unsuspected magical abilities in himself while caught in a mage storm..."
I think this will more directly show the irony of someone who hates magic discovering magical talent in himself. You could possibly even get into (briefly) how he feels about it.
[This message has been edited by Osiris (edited December 03, 2010).]