The Pig is a true story and I'd be happy for someone to read all 2000 or so words of it. Here are the first 13 lines (or so) and please let me know if I can be of some assistance reading yours in return.
"Last time I saw The Pig she was perched (as if a pig would perch!) just inside the door of the Officer’s Bar of the MV Caronia, looking a little worse for wear. One ear was missing-a freak accident involving a couple of engineers, their girlfriends and a somewhat difficult crossing of the Bay of Biscay off the coast of Spain. . White plaster dust spilled down her chest like frozen water droplets and someone had painted her pink. It must have been one hell of a party. The engineers in question swear the reason she fell off the bar was the rough crossing and nothing whatsoever to do with several pints of John Smiths Best Bitter.
posted
Interesting. Now, I'm just assuming that the Pig is a ceramic or somesuch statue. Your opening makes me definitely want to read more.
The one problem I have is, and I can't quite put my finger on how to solve it, that I feel a little thrown around in time and place. I'm not sure if the pig is in the current state she is in because of last night's party alone or because of last night's party and previous experiences with engineers and their girlfriends.
I don't know. For some reason I am attributing the changes in the pig's appearance to be VERY recent--like the previous night. But the rest of the paragraph seems to indicate that it might have happened less recently. And, I don't know, is it common practice to have girlfriends aboard ship? I'm not all that knowledgeable of ocean-going practices. But, as a complete dunce on the subject, I'm reading into this that this is a military vessel. If it isn't, make that clear. If it is, what are the girlfriends doing there?
Overall, I think you have a flare for putting words together and drawing the reader in quickly to a situation.
posted
I think I'd be willing to read it. You might want to specify your purposes in writing the story.
Also, for non-nauts out there, "MV" stands for merchant or motor vessel, it doesn't designate a military ship.
Of course, the fact that this isn't a military vessel should make me less enthusiastic about reading it, as should the fact that it starts off in the aftermath of a drunken party...but I'm funny that way.
posted
Many thanks both of you. The events were actually a year earlier as is revealed in the second paragraph. As Survivor pointed out it is in fact a merchant vessel (Cunard owns it) It's a cruise ship which may be one of the few situations where there are reasonably an even mix of male and female crew members on board.
djvdakota--yes the pig was concrete or ceramic or cast iron. Whatever--she weighed a ton as is revealed in the next bit. Want to read it for me and see what you think?
Survivor, thanks for offering to read it. I can do with all the help I can get! How shall I send it to you--as an attachment to email? I'm a little new at this... cheers Kit
[This message has been edited by kitcross (edited May 12, 2004).]
posted
My purpose in writing it? Ah well then, now you're making me think. Let's see....I travel extensively. I work on ships and when I'm not on board, I'm a backpack traveller in odd parts of the world. This is the beginning of a collection of road stories I think. I seem unable to get past 2 or 3000 words before the story is done, mostly because they're essentially non fiction in a fictional kind of way. What that means is that once you've told the story, its over. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It just 'is' Any thoughts?
Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2003
|
posted
I have to admit, I'm intrigued. But I was confused--or perhaps it's just that I'm to quick to make assumptions. First I thought the thing was a real animal, then a person with an unfortunate nickname. It wasn't until the bit about the ear missing that I began to get a clue. Once I realized that this was about an inanimate object, I became very curious as to what made it worthy of a story. The fact that it is true only contributed to the curiousity.
Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2004
|
posted
Unheardof So did you mean that your curiosity was sparked enough to read on? Keep in mind that if you'd read this in a magazine you wouldn't have had the benefit of knowing it was a true story. Would that have made a difference to you? About three paragraphs on there is a specific reference to it being a true story but I could try moving it a bit closer to the beginning. Not sure if it would work.
Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2003
|
posted
Oh, yes, I would be interested enough to read on before knowing it was a true story. In my mind I'm asking,"What is it about this pig that the author cares about?" I want to find out, so I'd read more.
Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2004
|
posted
By the way, mentioning in the text of your story that it is a true story...doesn't reassure the reader that it is really true. If you want it recieved as a true story, you have to publish it in an outlet specifically for non-fiction.
Posts: 8322 | Registered: Aug 1999
|
Printer-friendly view of this topic
