At this point, the major point of the discussion is character development vs. unnecessary history, OR at what point do you start the story. So, I've decided to start the story here (see below).

What I would like right now is some feedback on my starting point from some people who are not already helping me with my outline. Those people will be receiving the chapter via email.

It's short--only 800 words or so. And starts out like this:

Lies, Darrian thought. Lies erupting from Strahan’s mouth every time he opened it. But without evidence Darrian could do little but listen to them. Even with evidence the king would not be likely to act against his favorite son.

With a quiet sigh Darrian pressed himself against the tall back of his chair and listened as Strahan worked to convince the Council that war was called for, that the people of Ganesh were terrorizing Ravenskeep’s outlying settlements with a keen eye on conquest.

“Attacks in the north and east are more frequent and brutal than ever…”

‘I’ve seen worse,’ Darrian thought. ‘But then, I’m old enough to be your father.’

“Failure to act will result in heavy losses to our supply lines. With war already looming we cannot afford to risk the loss of ore shipments needed for armor and weapons and…”

Just a note, though:

"Ravenskeep" and "Strahan" immediately put me in mind of Ravenloft and the vampire Strahd (who occupies the keep) from RPG fame. Did you intend them to be so close?

I hope.

Christine: I'll save you for later. I'm going over a couple of pretty cutting reviews right now. It may be that I change my starting point completely. This is all getting VERY confusing and a bit frustrating and...AARGH!!

I'm learning something though. When I give reviews I'm going to strive harder to point out the good bits--not just the troublesome ones. It helps make the criticism a bit easier to swallow. I'm also learning that there are as many methods of critiquing as there are of writing. I have three crits back on this so far and all vary wildly. Is that a bad sign? Is there just so much wrong with it that it's hopeless?

*SIGH* Having one of those down days, I guess.

One year ago I went to boot camp and had to write a short story in a day, from conception to finished product. The story was raw, I'll grant you, but I could not believe that by the end of the critiquing session there was not one solitary sentence that did not get hacked by someone for something. Since then, I've had a few stories go through similiar problems...where it seems every little bit posed a problem for someone.

This is usually a sign that the entire story needs a rewrite, but it does not necessarily mean that the story is a wash. This is why I have to whole-heartedly agree with you that critiquers need to look for positive things to say more often, and not just because it's easier to swallow that way, though this is true as well. It's a matter of showing the author what she did right, what she should keep intact. Otherwise, in the rewrite, the author may end up trading out the back parts for good parts, but trading out the good parts for bad parts and making it just as bad in the end.

Cheer up, dear, this is an experience probably common to all who have been on Hatrack for some time. I got two wildly divergent reviews from my last short story and wondered which was right. In truth, probably both and neither! I agreed with some points with each and will gratefully incorporate them into my rewrite. Other points I decided I preferred my original version to the suggested changes. Where I really sat up and took notice was, as Kathleen pointed out, where several critiquers were saying the same thing.

Take heart, see what all your reviewers are saying in common and look to that as your starting point. Take all of our other individual suggestions with a very large grain of salt, at least until it is your *publisher* that is making the suggestions!

Kathleen was kind enough to fill in RPG for you (thanks, Kathleen!). The Ravenloft modules were associated with the Fantasy Role Playing Game "Dungeons and Dragons".

I guess my biggest trouble is that I'm the kind of person that likes to jump into a project and keep at it until it's done. And when it's done I want it to stay that way. So the editing process is, by nature, a frustrating one for me.

But I'll keep at it.