The narrator has aquired a certain voice over the years. Sometimes his native voice peeks through. I don't know if I captured that right. -------------------------------------------------- Life can deal out the short straw. Sometimes it gives you just what you’re pining for. You best be on the lookout then, cause life’s a trickster. She likes to hand out both at once.
Take me. Folks didn’t always call me Dense Dan. Best I can reckon I came here looking for Bigfoot. I don’t suppose a fellow can eek a living doing that. I guess I did it part time. Don’t ask what I did in the other parts, my mind’s a molasses fog.
This beach brings back a few memories. I got here sometime after the Big One. Of course, where here is, I don’t rightly recall. It’s hard to say how long I hiked the shore. From the cave, it looks like the cliffs go on and on. Maybe they do.
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Chris, I still have issues with the opening, but I'd be willing to read it if you need one more critique. Or, you can keep me in your pocket until round three. Your choice.
Posts: 1621 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I don't know why, but something about this piece feels like Ridley Walker by Russel Hoban. Maybe it is the strange sentence structure, mixed metaphores and phonetic spelling like 'eek' instead of 'eke'.
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited January 31, 2005).]
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It is 2000 years after an apocalypse has wiped out modern civilisation and people have reverted to a superstitious and tribal lifestyle: It starts like this:
"On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on Bundel Downs"
It is a great story if you can cope with the way it is written:
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