posted
i've chosen to make a new topic, and the mortvers is much more heavily contained, it is no where near as powerful as i once thought it would be, but it is still a leading point in the story, for other reasons... you remember the christmas story that wanted so badly to become part of Searth? well, that's chapter 2. i'm going to post a new fragment from chapter 1, i am looking for people who are willing to help me with this story on a per chapter installment basis. i cannot promise how often i will finish a chapter, but it shouldn't be more than a month apart at a time. any kind of critique is welcome as long as you explain yourself, or at least explain why you can't quite put your finger on an explanation.
quote:A typical dreary day in late September it was, the weather being dreary because of the holocaust of the wars, the wars which were still going on. Slicer, Viniece, and Yulanaia had woken up bitterly cold in their family’s dilapidated lake-shore cabin. The place was once beautiful, with flowers, trees, golden-white beach, and of course, the coziest little cabin ever built. That was when the Vinesley’s parents were still alive, that was before the wars. . . . Now there were blasted trees barely clinging to life, a barren, wasted stretch of beach, and not a trace of flowers, only the weeds which had taken over. The lake itself, Lake Erie, was even grimier than it was historically known to be.
[This message has been edited by dpatridge (edited February 01, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by dpatridge (edited February 01, 2005).]
posted
lol, i've been here for what, a month and a half now and forgot to include word count. for now, i only want a critique on chapter 1 and the prologue, if anyone wants to read chapter 2 as well at the same time as chapter 1 and prologue, that can be arranged.
chapter one and the prologue combined are 6600 words long. chapter two is somewhere around 4 to 5k.
together, the three are basically the exposition of the story, chapter three is going to start to get things moving...
[This message has been edited by dpatridge (edited February 01, 2005).]
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