Here goes:

Hlon leaned wearily on the old table that had sat in front of his butcher shop every working day for the last twenty years. It was very stout, as was he, and this early morning it was all that kept him from collapsing on his bottom .

“A mighty night’s labor, eh Gern,” he said with a great gaping yawn, arms stretching out. “If it weren’t for the Princess Bethana coming, I’d have slammed my door shut on the blubberin’ Mayor’s nose last night.”

Gern sat on his heals and laid his slight torso against the old, peeling yellow wall of the butcher shop. He yawned in response to Hlon, wrung his twiggish hands in his blood covered apron, and rubbed his eyes slow and thoroughly.

“Aye. Up all night a cuttin’ and a piecin’. ‘Tis too bad ‘er ‘ighness ‘ll ‘ave nothin’ more ta chew on than ol’ Rosie’s milk cow and McGurkee’s goat.”

“Aye,” answered the Master Butcher, yawning again and cricking his neck, “I’ll be granted, though, that ‘er Majesty ‘as ‘ad nothing better in a quite a bit.”

“Aye,” answered Gern, breathing in the cool morning air and squinting at the sun rising over the mish-mash buildings of the small seaside town. “I’ll grant you that.”

“Shakes ‘n shutters,” muttered Hlon, running his thick fingers through his graying, straggled hair, “from what I ‘ear she’s more than lucky than blessed to not’ve ended the banquet platter for the Troll King’s Birthday.”

“Gods bless we all don’t end up the soup,” Gern added mournfully as he stood, rubbed the small of his back, and took a couple of steps into the street to peer down the way where a small commotion was just beginning.

[This message has been edited by Lanius (edited April 17, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by Lanius (edited April 17, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by Lanius (edited April 17, 2005).]

SORRY FOR ALL THE EDITS -- KEPT FINDING LITTLE THINGS TO FIX

quote:

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Hlon leaned wearily on the old table that had sat in front of his butcher shop every working day for the last twenty years. It was very stout, as was he, and this early morning it was all that kept him from collapsing on his bottom.

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Other that, I stumbled a little on Hlon's last line.

I didn't find any confusion with the first sentence.

May I make an overarching suggestion? All of your paragraphs are the same length and a number of them follow the same format.
"Dialogue" answered Person, doing something, "dialogue, dialogue."

quote:

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“from what I ‘ear she’s more than lucky than blessed to not’ve ended the banquet platter for the Troll King’s Birthday.”

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Erm, "more than lucky than blessed"? What does that mean? Kind of an odd turn of phrase, there.

It's a nice little scene, but not much happens until the end, and that's just a "small commotion." Otherwise, it seems like cleverly concealed exposition. Give me something that happens, some event to latch on to and follow.

You've got three lines of dialogue in a row that all begin with "Aye". You might want to revise a bit.

DESCRIPTION:
I'd also recommend toning down the description just a bit. Things like "old, peeling yellow wall" are going into one detail too many, IMO.

I'm not sure if "twiggish" is appropriate grammar, but I enjoyed the creative use of adjective.

GRAMMAR:
"heals" - Did you mean heels?
"slow and thoroughly" -> "slowly and thoroughly"

OVERALL:
This scene gave me a good mental picture, and I felt like I really knew these two blearly guys just from what little they said. Their little sayings made me appreciate their age, and how they may be very "stuck in their ways." It's a solid scene I think, and is a unique angle to explore the story's beginning provided that these characters aren't just throwaways and indeed have something larger at stake later on.