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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » The Wink - Flash revision

   
Author Topic: The Wink - Flash revision
Lord Darkstorm
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I have a little story that was a flash entry last week, about 3,561 words that I could use some input on. It is somewhere in the realm of scifi. The title is temporary, I haven't figured out what I want to call it yet. Let me know if you are interested in reading the whole thing.

Grey sat on the hard cot and stared at the solitary window. Small discolored glass, placed a bit crooked above the door, allowed light in but nothing could be seen of the other side. She had tried when they had first locked her in using a wobbly metal chair as a perch. She stood on the tips of her toes and came close to falling off. They were talking about her. People always did, discussing what they would do to her for her crime, whatever it might be this time. Ten feet past the customs area and they grabbed her, and whisked her away to be locked in this room without an explanation why.

A few hours before, Grey had disembarked from the ship with high hopes for this world. A new start where no one would know her, or have records of her past, no matter how spotty it was.


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Isaiah13
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Wow, you've added a fair bit to this. I'll give it a read, just let me know how soon you need it back.
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Lord Darkstorm
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I'm not in a rush. If I can get it cleaned up a bit more I would like to toss it out for some rejections later this month.
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Rahl22
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Knee-jerk comments: I'd consider starting back when she was on the ship, moving forward, and showing the arrest and detention, etc. Will be more action oriented, and you don't have to slug the reader with a flashback right up front.

Also, Grey struck me as a man's name.


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Lord Darkstorm
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Thanks Rahl22, I might do that. Come to think of it, I don't know why I didn't change it.
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jimmyjazz951
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I'm interested in reading the whole thing.
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autumnmuse
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If you need another, I'm game.
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TaShaJaRo
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I'll look at it if you need another reader. Would the end of this weekend be too late to get it back to you?
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MaryRobinette
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Let me know if you want second readers.
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autumnmuse
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I've been super busy today, and I need to finish rewriting my own story by tomorrow, but I will try to get to yours very soon. Sorry about the wait
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Lord Darkstorm
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No rush, whenever you have time.
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