posted
In one of the oldest parts of town, the Victorian style buildings were being overrun by the business district. Once the expansive structures had housed large families and close knit neighbors, now they were divided, segregated, and separated into offices and restaurants. The faded exterior paint and neglected interiors bore testimony to the selfishness of the human race. The love and care which constructed these giants was a lost element of society today. On the second story of one of these formations, nestled between the certified public accountant and the paralegal was the office of Wyatt Fayek, private investigator. The key turned in the lock and the door swung inward on squeaky hinges revealing the reception area of the office. A woman of about fifty, whose features hinted at an attractiveness long lost with youth, usually sat behind the desk. On this particular morning, Wyatt had beat his receptionist to the office, so he set about making the coffee and sorting the mail. Finally, his attention was drawn to the answering machine and the single red flashing light. The urgency of the message seemed to influence the speed of the flashing light. Eventually, no longer able ignore the message, Wyatt crossed the room and pressed the play button. “You have reached the office of Wyatt Fayek. After the beep leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.” Wyatt heard his own voice say. “Mr. Fayek, if you want information about the disappearance of Lucy Benton, meet me at the roadhouse out on Hwy 65 tonight at 11o’clock.” a husky male voice spoke hesitantly from the recorded message.
Let me know how this sounds and if my style of writing is not to predictable. Thanks for any input and advise you can offer... This is a rough begining to a yet unfinished story.
[This message has been edited by BravesFan64 (edited July 10, 2005).]
posted
My thought: start with the action. You can tell us what the neighborhood looks like later, when the detective is out in it.
Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I agree with wbriggs. In fact, I recommend you start it here:
quote:On this particular morning, Wyatt had beat his receptionist to the office, so he set about making the coffee and sorting the mail.
You can follow him out into the neighborhood and describe the buildings then - but only do so if it is integral to the story. Otherwise it does nothing to enhance our understanding of the story or the mood.
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