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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » More wierd fiction!

   
Author Topic: More wierd fiction!
Bumbus_McGee
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The sitter sat on the floor unconscious and silly. He had not been cut. But it was enough for this present moment that is called “now”. That is to say, he could be cut at a time called “later”.

"I imagine we could threaten some mighty interesting stories out of this Wall say if it could speak,” sung the Guru of Prejudice, pretending to be the Guru of Justice.

The Guru of Rhetoric then hammered in a manner that was quite patient and deliberate, "Well they should, at least, as any reasonable thing ought to, listen. Alas since it does not participate in said action which would be reasonable, it should cease it’s existing immediately; for if I may quote you kindly, Justice: 'all that is not reasonable should not and shall not exist.'"

"Yes," she paused, then nodded, "Indeed." She had not thought that her spell had worked so well on this the Guru of Rhetoric. She was indeed pleased.

"I have in my possession great doubts as to the Walls complying to our sound resolution without protest. I shall obtain some motivation."

After a moment she replied, "Very well. I can't help but agree with you."


Posts: 19 | Registered: Jun 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
tchernabyelo
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Well, yes, "weird" would indeed appear to be the word.

The first paragraph doesn't seem to make sense in relation to the rest. "The sitter sat" as also clumsy - by definition, a sitter must surely sit. The choice of unconscious is also odd; normally, you don't get to sit on a floor if you're unconscious. I have no idea what the significance of "cut" is, nor of the discussion about "now" and "later".

However, the remainder is much mroe coherent and interesting, if still odd. Are you looking for readers? How long is the story?


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pixydust
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Can you explain more about this piece so that we can be sure to know where you're coming from? It's a little odd and I'm confused (wouldn't be the first time ) so if you could just clarify what you need we can help better.
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Bumbus_McGee
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Well, I am going for a sort of flow and just saying "The sitter was in the room unconcious." just wouldn't work for that. I suppose I could put more setting at the beginning;it would probably make more sense that way. It is also explained that the sitter doesn't really do anything else but sit. Anyway the story is in its early drafts still. Any other comments/suggestions?

[This message has been edited by Bumbus_McGee (edited August 11, 2005).]


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