posted
This is a novel length story about changelings (or creatures biologically adapted to mimic our young).
Eddie Fencer pinched the dull end of a razor blade between his thumb and index finger, wearily scraping algae from the inside of a large aquarium. Saltwater bubbled and swirled around his arm, the brine permanently encrusting his clothes and the rims of his glasses. He finished the seahorses and moved over to the freshwater tropicals. An enormous horseshoe crab trundled frustratedly against the corner of a plastic sump as he passed. He was careful to always move quickly but deliberately so as not to scratch the glass or knick the silicon edges. Small silvery fish huddled in the corner, terrified of his gently swaying arm. Ironic, mused Eddie silently. They can’t see above the refractive surface. As long as you stuck your whole arm in and not the tips of your fingers, piranhas are cowardly little fish.
posted
Interesting, but a little choppy. You go overboard with the saltyness of the saltwater aquarium and then suddenly switch to the dangers of the piranha aquarium.
When you're writing a novel, you have to be willing to give yourself a bit more time.
posted
Because if they can see your whole arm, they know that it's bigger than they are, and they won't be as willing to attack it.
Posts: 8322 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
This holds my interest, but like the others, I'd like to see a bit more development here. I'm also curious as to why Eddie has piranhas, but that kind of curiosity keeps me reading. Just a few questions within the text itself.
Eddie Fencer pinched the dull end of a razor blade between his thumb and index finger, wearily scraping algae from the inside of a large aquarium. Saltwater bubbled and swirled around his arm, the brine permanently encrusting his clothes and the rims of his glasses.@@@Why is this a permanent situation?@@@
He finished the seahorses and moved over to the freshwater tropicals. An enormous horseshoe crab trundled frustratedly @@@How can we tell it was frustrated?@@@ against the corner of a plastic sump as he passed. He was careful to always move quickly but deliberately so as not to scratch the glass or knick the silicon edges. Small silvery fish huddled in the corner, terrified of his gently swaying arm. Ironic, mused Eddie silently. They can’t see above the refractive surface. As long as you stuck your whole arm in and not the tips of your fingers, piranhas are cowardly little fish.
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