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Brooke calls me at three in the morning to tell me she's going to kill herself. She says she has already slit one wrist and is watching the blood flow down her arm. Her voice sounds like she is crying and I hear her breathing through a clogged nose.

I roll over in my bed, not really in the mood for this, and tell Brooke to leave me out of her note and hang up. The phone rings five minute later, just as I start to fall asleep again, and I paw the night stand drowsily for the receiver and answer.

Brooke tells me that she just cut the bridge of her ankle. She tells me she hates me. She tells me her eyes are starting to close.

"So are mine," I say.

[This message has been edited by Swimming Bird (edited October 03, 2005).]

Of course, the more serious thing is that there is a definite implication that Brooke has done this sort of thing before, whether just calling and saying she's doing it or actually cutting herself. If not, the guy is pretty irresponsible to not at least call the police and inform them that he got a suicide call. Going either way is okay, but you shouldn't leave the reader in suspense over which it is, otherwise they'll probably assume the wrong one and then feel like you contradicted yourself.

One thing, though: I'm afraid if I include somewhere in my initial 13 something along the lines of "I'm not bothered, she's done this kind of thing before," the reader might take this as a false start. Sort of like pseudo-suspense.

- however, that said, I love the second line where the other person totally blanks her; now that is interesting!

TL 601: if you look closely you'll see that SB doesn't have an envelope symbol after the date of his post, meaning he doesn't have, or does not wish to provide, a private email address.

Like if my old boyfriend who constantly threatened suicide (especially if I spoke of leaving him) called me up about it.. I'd probably be thinking, "Great. He's trying to suck me into his depressed little life, yet again, and probably for the 30th time in a row, this suicide 'attempt' isn't serious either."

That would make the opening awesome, with that completed, totally captures my attention. Oh, and I agree about the bridge of the ankle being awkward.. who cuts their ankle anyway? I can't really imagine where she's cutting with a term like 'bridge.' Maybe that horrible, blood gushing vein at the top of the foot would be easier.

But, you've probably already submitted it. Let us know how it goes! Good luck.

If you're looking for critics to read it though, I'm happy to offer my services as well.

This isn't really a suicide story, per se. Like just about everything else I write, this is a piece of transgressional fiction.

The suicide angle is just a ploy Brooke uses to try and get the protagonist over to her house where further mischief ensues.

Anyway, yeah, I've mailed it to some editors.

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TL 601: if you look closely you'll see that SB doesn't have an envelope symbol after the date of his post, meaning he doesn't have, or does not wish to provide, a private email address

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No, seriously, I can see TL's point, but I didn't want to address it. It isn't like it would be impossible to contact another member through email just because you don't choose to provide your address to everyone that happens to visit the forum. I don't want to address it because that would imply that SB specifically didn't want to give TL his address, and I don't think that's the case. It is reasonable to assume that SB simply doesn't want to give out his address at all. Addresses on crappy freemails are hard to check regularly, addresses on good ones shouldn't be wasted, and some people don't like having to remember different emails and their associated passwords.