Half-past dark: The time when the taverns near the docks in Ignea came alive. Sailors and cargo-loaders, lacking daylight, could no longer do their daily work and retired to relax and inebriate at the dozens of bars between the Boiling Bay and the apartment districts. The Inn of the Haughty Hedgehog was by far the least rowdy place to buy bit ale. Everyone who had spent any time in Ignea knew that if they wanted a quiet drink with perhaps a gently singing bard, they were in the wrong town. The Hedgehog, though, would come closer to that ideal than any other local inn or tavern. The biggest source of trouble frequently found at The Hedgehog was the innkeeper's younger brother, Pantros.
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 04, 2005).]
posted
My only thing is your choice of the word "inebriate". Since you're referring to sailors and cargo-loaders, who are not renowned for their eloquence, I think saying "...to relax and get drunk..." or something similar might read better.
Unless, of course, the scene is being relayed by someone who would say "inebriate".
posted
Interesting scene...and you're moving towards a character development.
Some of the wording could use refinement. "Half-past dark:" doesn't convey any solid idea to my mind, it's a time, but I don't know what time. And all of your descriptions of the Haughty Hedgehog seem a bit relative, "by far the least", "closer than any other", "biggest source of trouble". That gives me a hard time in getting a clear sense of just how rowdy/quiet the place is, and how much trouble Pantros really is.
I mean, this place could be anywhere from "you've got only a 50-50 chance of getting punched out any given night" to "lively but mellow". Pantros could be anything from the kind of guy that belches and tells inappropriate jokes about piss while everyone else is trying to enjoy their ale, or he could be the one that knocks out the most teeth on any given night.
There is a good sense of general atmosphere you've developed for Ignea as a whole, but the elements that should be clearest are quite vague.
posted
I like the introduction. It definately seems to be building towards a character, but the inn itself seems to be developing as a character for a bit, too.
Lately, I've been a little annoyed by the generic fantasy inn names, such as Haughty Hedgehog. Keep in mind, this is just me and my feelings of late (in other words, it's probably a good name and you should ignore me on this). They all seem to follow the same adjective-(usually-animal)noun format. For myself, I've been pondering different names.
I think the phrase 'half-past dark' would work if it were a common term used by the locals who go to these bars. Otherwise, I think it becomes awkward and a little hard to identify with.
posted
Yeah, I thought that name was pretty dang funny myself Those names have a good variety to them, though. There's that feeling of saying something distinctive about your place using only a couple of words to them.
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posted
Ancient copper or bronze coins were sometimes minted with grooves in them so they could be broken into quarters, or eigths, these sections were known as 'bits'
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Those names have a good variety to them, though. There's that feeling of saying something distinctive about your place using only a couple of words to them.
