I posted the first 13 of this a little while back, but now I've finished the whole thing.
If anybody has the time to read this, I'd be most grateful. I'd really like to know if the story is interesting & if there's anything I can cut.
It's currently standing at 10,000 words.
Here's the first 13:
Jalrek crouched to examine the ground more closely, searching for any sign that the seed had taken root. He couldn’t spot a single green shoot in the expanse of fine, brown soil. He stooped lower, and ran his fingers through the soil of one of the furrows, feeling for the slightest resistance that would indicate growth beneath the surface. Nothing. The little hope that he had held onto for this year’s cultivation evaporated. If the seed were going to take hold, he knew that it would have done so by now. His recent concerns had now been confirmed; the only way that his family could continue to live on the farm for another year would be to use the last of mother’s fingers.
posted
I was intrigued by the opening last time you posted it, so I'll be happy to read the whole thing (it'll just take me about a week to get back to you).
Posts: 150 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
I'm interested. The opening is nice and clear, and the bit about the fingers is very intriguing! So send to me, too, if you like. squimi Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2005
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I'll read the story. It certainly caught my attention with the last line. You can e-mail me at jimrada@yaho.com.
Posts: 8 | Registered: Oct 2005
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