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This piece of flash is a total of 197 words. Some of you may catch the religious symbolism here. Let me know if you do. Anyway, here's the first 13:
“Sir, help me. The wedding party and my Lord–where have they gone?” She stared at his back as he swept. Without turning he said, “They’ve gone. Where were you last night? You missed it. Only I am left to clean up.” “Missed it? But I left to fill my lamp with oil. I hurried back, fast as I could.” He laughed, his voice gentle. “Ah, my child,” he said, “you should have come prepared the first time. The bridegroom cannot tarry while the wedding party begins.” Anguished, she cried, “But my four sisters–they too left to get oil.” “And they too arrived here too late.” “So where are they now? Where did they go?” “They agreed to be married–to me,” the kindly voice said. “You? But you are merely a servant. . . ” “Silence,” he shouted.
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Huh, kind of a weird twist on the foolish virgins, eh? The really strange thing is contemplating who this guy is supposed to represent.
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I want names (if MC knows them; and she'll know hers), and I want some emotional context.
“Sir, help me." Rebeccah didn't like calling a servant "sir," but you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If flies are what you wanted. "The wedding party and the groom --– where have they gone?”
He didn't even turn to face her, but kept sweeping. Who did he think he was? “They’ve gone," he said.
This adaptation is probably not at all what you meant --- but it shows one way of putting the emotion in, so we can care. You can easily enough put in the correct one.
...and I suggest you be sure that you have conflicting emotions in MC. It's realistic and it makes her interesting.
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