The story is a science fiction action tragedy/drama. More of a human and religious conflict, rather than a standard alien war type of story.

Here are the first 13 lines. Will they hook you?
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Fireworks lit up the Royale District skyline and bathed the grandeur architecture in a radiant hue. So many fireworks that Private Eli Carmaine thought it could be mistaken for daytime. The eruption of color and light, punctuated every second by deafening rolls of thunder, had never ceased to amaze the crowd and even the watercolor night sky welcomed their presence. The whole city moved as one and the roar of applause and spectacle reverberated off the beige city walls. The planet Acarta was in celebration for the foreboding years ahead.
"So are you ready for this?" Private Renault murmured to Carmaine. Carmaine chuckled, picked up his rifle, and fell in line next to his shorter friend.
"For what? The parade?"

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I apologize if it does not fit completely, and I thank the editor should she have to readjust it. I'm using a very basic word program that doesn't seem to give a very accurate count.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the small piece. I'm looking for readers interested in reading the rest that I have! Thanks for your time guys.

In the middle there are three sentences that start with the--I don't know if this is a problem or not but you might want to vary the sentence beginnings.

Instead of introducing the MC in the second sentence, you could do it before the dialog and if you still wanted to say that the fireworks were bright you could say that he shielded his eyes from the bright lights or something like that (That could even work after the first sentence . . . instead of telling that he thought it could be mistaken for daylight--show it through his shielding of his eyes)

I think that the Carmaine chuckled line would sound better after the second piece of dialog the "For what? . . . dialog.

The last piece of dialgo is a bit shocking and seems a little bit out of place. Maybe you could reword it-- maybe something bleak (like his being pessimistic) like "No, the inevitable war that will follow this ridiculous spectacle." It all depends up on what he means by it. If he has heard a rumor that there is going to be a war then he'd say it differently then if he were just joking.

But I'd skip the line about Arcata being in celebration "for the foreboding years ahead" - it takes the sting out of that last line.

Since you seem to be trying to create an aura of foreboding, think about your descriptions of the fireworks from the perspective of warfare rather than celebration. My wife worked with combat vets who have PTSD, and their experiences with the 4th of July are a lot different than ours.

What would it be like to be anticipating a war as a soldier, and to be at a fireworks display with the rockets and explosions and bursts of light? Let's see this from Carmaine's perspective a little. Most of us expect fireworks to be celebratory, but for many they are reminders of the horrors of combat.

Think about using terms like barrage, blast, broadside, discharge, hail, salvo, shells, storm, or volley (thanks thesaurus!), which are all words that imply combat or warfare.

We should see shells exploding in air, bathing the line of soldiers in blood-red light. People cheering in the distance as the soldier line up under the flickering lights and exploding volleys.

I would agree with Jessica about the "chuckling" line, as well as the previous poster. Having experienced military service, there is a lot of anxiety generated in basic training, especially during live fire exercises, long road marches, screaming sergeants and the like.

"The planet Acarta was in celebration for the foreboding years ahead."

This sentence summarizes what, for me, was the problem with this opening. The mood is unstable: jubilant, then dark. The instability made it difficult for me to sense what sort of story I was "getting into" and made me uncomfortable as I tried to settle into the narrative voice.

As for style nits, I like the fact that your world is already detailed enough to have its own architectural history. Go ahead and capitalize Grandeur Architecture. It is a proper noun.

The second sentence would be better after a semicolon or a dash. Its purposeful incompleteness adds to the uncomfortable jarring effect I felt when I started the piece.

"even the watercolor night sky welcomed their presence" seems one description too many in an otherwise well-balanced paragraph. What's more, this phrase interrupts the natural flow from the idea of the crowd to the mood of the city's populace

"The whole city moved as one " should be followed by a comma. Two independent clauses joined by a conjunction call for the use of a comma.

I hope these suggestions are helpful when you do your rewrite. This opening has the feel of a "real" story- the kind that belongs in a magazine not in a drawer, so I really pulled it apart in hopes of helping you improve it.

:-)

"So are you ready for this?" Private Renault murmured to Carmaine. Carmaine chuckled, picked up his rifle, and fell in line next to his shorter friend.
"For what? The parade?"

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I think -- just my opinion -- that you need to have the "ready" repeated at the beginning of that last line. It's been so long since it was uttered for the reader.

Llike this --

"Ready for what? The parade?"

This is a very long sentence and for me, it was hard to imagine this because all the images were strung together. I would break one or two of them up into smaller units so a reader has time to savor the wonderful images you are creating.

"The whole city moved as one and the roar of applause and spectacle reverberated off the beige city walls."

Not sure how the spectacle reverberated. I would cut "and spectacle."

Otherwise, very well done in my opinion.