posted
Ok, this isn't thirteen lines--it's only one, but I've said it three ways and I don't know which way sounds best or if one particular way sounds to cliche-ish.
Here are the options:
The words swelled in my throat—I couldn’t finish it.
The words lumped in my throat—I couldn’t finish it.
The words formed a lump in my throat—I couldn’t finish it.
I'm don't know which is better. Anybody have any suggestions? Thanks!!
posted
How about - I choked on the words I should have said... Don't let one phrase bog your story down Jessica, I speak from experience...sheesh I wish somebody had told me back then! Best Wishes John MC...
Posts: 140 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Yes. Unless you're done with the whole story and are in the middle of a massive line-by-line revision, just move on. Consequently, I prefer the second line. It's shorter.
Posts: 1621 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Thanks for all the feedback. Unfortunately, I am doing a line by line (by line by line--does it ever end?) I think I'm going to go with what I originally had-- a simply "She couldn't say it." Once I've had a good nights rest, I think that it works best--but thanks for helping me out--I probably wouldn't have made the decision at all with out everyone's suggestions.
[This message has been edited by Jessica (edited January 13, 2006).]
posted
If you haven't decided yet, I like the first one. But I would suggest changing it to them, since you're talking about the words, and not the word.
Posts: 168 | Registered: Dec 2005
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