Hatrack River Writers Workshop   
my profile login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » City of the Gods

   
Author Topic: City of the Gods
Silver3
Member
Member # 2174

 - posted      Profile for Silver3   Email Silver3         Edit/Delete Post 
This is a flash that I finished polishing recently. I'm not sure I entirely got rid of the problems, and am looking for readers to tell me what they think. The genre is fantasy, approx 2000 words.

Thanks in advance!

#
The city appeared over the horizon, coalescing out of sunlight. Iarun, surprised, faltered in mid-step, and almost finished his descent of the dune on his knees. The wanderlust that had driven him out of his native town redoubled in intensity, driving spikes of need into his bones.

There. There he would find the gods, and beg their forgiveness. There his wanderlust, curse of his people, would at last be ended.

The city was not a mirage; its shimmering walls of adobe would not vanish as so many other things had done, and the green trees remained, dancing in the wind, promising water, promising shade.
#


Posts: 1075 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Crotalus@work
Member
Member # 2959

 - posted      Profile for Crotalus@work   Email Crotalus@work         Edit/Delete Post 
Silver, I'll read.
Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dude
Member
Member # 1957

 - posted      Profile for Dude   Email Dude         Edit/Delete Post 
I'll read it. wolf_dude64@yahoo.com
Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Silver3
Member
Member # 2174

 - posted      Profile for Silver3   Email Silver3         Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks !
Sent to both of you.

Posts: 1075 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rickfisher
Member
Member # 1214

 - posted      Profile for rickfisher   Email rickfisher         Edit/Delete Post 
Me too.
Posts: 932 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aspirations
Member
Member # 3213

 - posted      Profile for Aspirations   Email Aspirations         Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Silver. Just found this forum. Looks great!

We have similar writing styles. I'd be glad to give it a read and offer some feedback (as long as you're not in a big hurry).


Posts: 28 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LMermaid
Member
Member # 2778

 - posted      Profile for LMermaid   Email LMermaid         Edit/Delete Post 
I'd love to read this.
Posts: 150 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pixydust
Member
Member # 2311

 - posted      Profile for pixydust   Email pixydust         Edit/Delete Post 
You can send it my way if you need more imput. Or I'm happy to wait until the next go around. I owe you a few hundred of these, I think.
Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KillerDonut
Member
Member # 3209

 - posted      Profile for KillerDonut   Email KillerDonut         Edit/Delete Post 
I wouldn't mind reading it myself.

It's a good sign when no one can find anything that should be changed in the first 13 lines. Nicely done!


Posts: 22 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Silver3
Member
Member # 2174

 - posted      Profile for Silver3   Email Silver3         Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks everyone !
It's on its way.

Posts: 1075 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2