I made two major changes.

First, I changed it to 3rd person because I thought it'd be easier for the story.
Second, I started earlier in the story instead of doing flashbacks. It seemed easier to get to know the character this way.

So here it is.

“I can finally get out of this stupid world!” he thought, his hand shaking as he scratched his name above another line. He stared down it. Peter Locke, it read. He had written it almost a hundred times in this enormous stack of papers. And each time he signed, the name faded. Peter Locke was soon to be no more. No, from now on he would be named as he was meant to be: Sieflick—his infamous online name, with which he had dominated the cyberworld all his life.

It was the only thing he had ever dominated. As an orphan born, he had never had anything in this world to call his own. Like a leaf twirling off the tree who no longer desired its pitiful life, he had been carelessly tossed around his entire life, floating from one foster home to the next. There was only one

A little bit of that was changed to meet the 13 lines limit. If you want, I've written the whole first scene, if anyone's interested in reading it.

[This message has been edited by ethersong (edited February 08, 2006).]

[This message has been edited by ethersong (edited February 09, 2006).]

Couple quibbles:

As far as the "fading name" goes, you might want to phrase it as "he imagined the name faded" or something similar. As is, it sounds like the words are actually fading on the page, and it's a bit early to start blurring the lines. Letting us know it's Peter's imagination doing the fading ties it more strongly with the idea that his name is the only thing he owns and can control (nice touch, there, by the way). That way, you can show him exerting what little control he has (great theme you've got there - the powerless becoming consumed by what little power they have - I hope you develop it further).

"AS an orphan born" is awkward. In fact, it is logically impossible. You probably want something like "Having been an orphan for nearly all his life..." or some reference to never knowing his parents.