Not sure whether its science fiction or fantasy--its based off of one of my poems actually, which has nothing really to do with the story. Yeah...well any comments are appreciated. And I'd like readers.

The moon shimmered lightly upon the ice like a daunting shade of fortunes faded into the haunting backdrop that was once the sky. Shivering she looked up and stared into the blackness. No, it wasn’t the moon at all—but the poor imitator of one—the translucent orb that had been deemed worthy enough to replace the once glorious bodies that had gone around this forsaken world.
“What is this place where I have found myself?” whispered Oyra. Her breath made clouds in front of her face that seemed to bring tears from the surrounding air. Looking down, she peered earnestly at the pool—a thin piece of glass placed perfectly among the jagged rocks.
“Where is the life of my dreams?” Her voice sent echoes around the small clearing.

The first sentence is actually straight from a poem, so I don't know if it fits well...

Edit: changed a tense error

If it's a quote from a poem, it should be set off somehow to distinguish it from your narrative.

Oh, and what I mean by it being from a poem...the poem isn't a rhyming one...

If there's no restrictions on poems, I'll post the first bit of it here.

The moon shimmers lightly upon the ice
Like a daunting shade of fortunes faded
Into the haunting backdrop
That was once the sky.
But no, it is not the moonlight
But rather its shadow
Embodied in a streetlamp
That flashes its light like
A sick and false imitator.
It looks strange glimmering
Upon the ice that covers
What once was water—
A spring
From which the waters flowed
But from which they flow
No more
Since the cold wind came
And stole it all away—

You see what I mean? Anways, yeah...really need readers.

In your second sentence, you tell me your MC is looking up into the blackness - but you've just told me the moon is shimmering lightly.

The moon shimmered lightly upon the ice like the fading glow of her cursed life. Shivering, she looked up into the haunting backdrop that was once the sky, the blackness surrounding the moon like a ethereal oppressor. No, it wasn’t the moon at all—but the poor imitator of one—the translucent orb that had been deemed worthy enough to replace the once glorious bodies that had gone around this forsaken world.

“What is this place where I have found myself?” whispered Oyra. Her breath made clouds in front of her face that seemed to bring tears from the surrounding air. Looking down, she peered earnestly at the pool—a thin piece of glass placed perfectly among the jagged rocks. She had come here at last—to where the last throbbing hearts of life beat beneath cold ice.

“Why have I wandered this road to this grand end?” Her voice sent

I think that makes the whole first paragraph sound much better. And I added a bit more of a hook in the second paragraph so it ties better with the rest of the story.

The first sentance made me slow down a bit when you went into the metaphore; it might be stronger if you used imagery that simply describes what it is instead of what it's similar to: "is" or "as" opposed to "like".

You're just barely getting into the character, but that can be fleshed out after the opening. I like the confusion of the character though I've no idea what her situation really means.

The tense is a bit misleading, especially in the poem. It feels that it's all past, but it slips into present a little. Are you intending to keep it pasttense or present tense? or is there a medium for it that ballances the two?

Revision: I think it'd work better if you put her name where you first use the word "she", we'd know clearly that this is the POV that you're going to use instead of something so vague as gender.

"What is this place..." You give the impression that she doesn't know why she's even there or even where there is, yet the last sentance "She had come here at last..." seems to imply that she DOES know why she's there and where. Does she or doesn't she? Again, the next line indicates that she does know, at least that it's a "grand end". It's still unclear to me, though maybe you could balance the two.