- After finishing, I still have no idea why "Dead" is the opening sentence and what it refers to.

- Next, is the prediction that promising to paint a garage would come back to haunt him. This doesn't really seem like a difficult prediction to make, so I'm not really feeling the inner Nostradamus in Janie.

- Finally, I haven't the foggiest idea what "no" isn't an option for.

Other than that, it works to grab my attention.

Dead. [What's dead? I don't want to wait to find out.] ‘I’ve got to make sure to pick up the car at Ted’s, Mark thought. [You put some of the thoughts in quotes, and others not (Dead.). The quotes confuse me. Later on he yells at himself. That's in quotes, and it's a yell not a thought.

I'd say ditch the quotes; let it all be his thoughts and perceptions. "Deep penetration," as OSC calls it in Characters & Viewpoint.]

[You might have more than one paragraph.]

... Sometimes- [in MS format, - means hyphen; -- or --- means dash ("em" dash)]and the frequency had increased of late-his wife’s uncanny ability to predict his future almost drove him nuts. [That's a major hook! Let's start with it.] If only Janie Castleton [who?] could predict ...

A man who's distressed by his wife's prescience -- yes. I'd read that.

I've got to agree with the others. The 'Dead' hanging out up here as the first sentences serves no purpose except as a distraction.

I also found the inconsistent use of quotes a distraction.

“Oh Crap!” he yelled at himself.

This just doesn't seem like a line worthy of getting excited enough about to require an exclamation point and yelling. If your character is highly excitable maybe, but this seems the sort of thing you mutter about. With a memory like mine I do a lot of this...

‘I can’t pick up the car today. I promised Mom I’d paint her garage.’ The promise made weeks ago returned to haunt him, just as his wife had predicted.

This just doesn't feel like it's a stretch to predict something of this sort. Unless his memory is a steel trap and it's unusual for him to forget . Furthermore there's no date given on mom's garage why does it have to be the very date and time that he wants to pick up the car. It needs more to be believable.

Sometimes-and the frequency had increased of late-his wife’s uncanny ability to predict his future almost drove him nuts. If only Janie Castleton could predict more favorable events that were to occur to her husband. But for Mark, these “predictions” seemed only to warn of dark days, depressing situations, and miserable outcomes. ‘But,’ Mark told himself, ‘when your wife is seven and 1/2 months pregnant, no is not an option.’

OK his is where you start to catch my attention, seems like you could do a lot with this, but... the no is not an option is jsut sorta out there and I don't see what it connects to.

I won't reiterate any of the other comments, but I'd like to chime in my opinion that I think the intro might be better served with direct interaction with the MC's wife -- however you might see fit to make that happen, of course. This will allow her character description to develop more naturally, as well as (possibly) strengthen the "prediction" hook. But just because I can easily envision a conversation between them to effect this hook doesn't mean I'm right. Up to you.

The quotes and thoughts do get messy and I need to work on that. And the time lines can and should be clear. Thank you.

At this point, I find nothing in the narrative (other than the standalone word, "Dead") to indicate that this guy is waking to the new reality of being dead. I don't yet see that he's waking to anything other than all the stuff he has to do. I think it would be easier on me as a reader if you still explain that he's dead, but do it at the very end of the first page -- something along the lines of, "He couldn't do any of that today, however. He was dead."

I had trouble following the rush of thoughts... but that it was a rush of thoughts is pretty clear.

I now understand what is not an option, but I don't understand why that statement is here. If saying no to his expectant wife is not an option, why didn't he say no to his mother about painting the garage instead?

I'm not sure I can believe that waking up "dead" would feel like this, but since I personally haven't yet died, I can't confirm or deny your notion.

Mark Castleton was dead, but that did not stop him from bemoaning the day’s responsibilities. “I’ve got to make sure to pick up the car at Ted’s”, thought Mark. “It’s been there all week and I can’t keep telling him I’m waiting for my check to clear.” However, the sudden remembrance of a promise made to his mother flashed in Mark’s mind and immediately his car problems paled in comparison. Inwardly he cursed himself at his foolishness. He knew he should never have promised to paint her garage, and, as usual, his wife was right. He should have said no. Maybe today would be the day he would start following his wife’s advice. After all, one shouldn’t say no to a woman 7 ½ months pregnant.

Only one nit. I think this sentence is missing a comma or two (in []): However, the sudden remembrance of a promise made to his mother flashed in Mark’s mind[,] and immediately[,] his car problems paled in comparison.

Does the MC realize he is dead? It does not seem all that clear. Perhaps having him go over the laundry list of things he has to do first, then having the sudden realization he is deceased may be clearer and a bit more dramatic.

Just an idea though.

The decision on whether you want to speed up his realization I guess would depend on how much this realization is an important bit of the tale. Perhaps instead it is a comprehension that something, "just ain't right," in your first 13.

Hope this helps.

Does he wake up at home, in his bed? Start there. Don't tell us he's dead first.I just feel like yes you got to the point and you followed everyone's advice here but you lost the pizzazz in that opening that was you. Show, don't tell.

However, while this has potential, you never really grab me. From a stylistic standpoint, you run everything together into one paragraph. Makes it harder to break out the MC's train of thought.

You jam four very distinct ideas into the first paragraph: 1)Mark is dead, 2) Mark's post-mortum obsession with pre-mortum obligations 3)Jenny's ability to predict Mark's fate, and 4) Jenny's pregnancy.

IMHO that is one overloaded paragraph. It's as though you can't decide which should lead the telling of your story so you let them ALL lead. They end up elbowing each other aside, leaving your first paragraph graceless.

I feel like you're force feeding me information - throwing out as many story hooks as your first paragraph will hold. Don't be impatient. Tell me a story. Draw me in and let your story unfold naturally.

There's no reason you can't lead with the word "Dead". However, letting the word stand on its own (rather than as part of a run-on paragraph) gives it more impact. For example:

******
Dead.

Sometimes his wife’s uncanny ability to predict his future almost drove Mark nuts. If only Janie Castleton could predict more favorable events that were to occur to her husband.

******

I'm just going to give a little of the story's outline and perhaps the intro could be understood or improved, or just left alone.

The character goes to bed one night and wakes up dead. Of course, he doesn't know he's dead until a few paragraphs in. Hence the worry over trivial daily chores.

A person is sent to assist him with the transition between living and being dead because he’s not ready to cross over. This person helps him cope with regrets with his marriage, his mother, and ultimately his unborn child.