The total story is under 3,000 words and I am hoping to garner critiques from those willing to read the entire piece. Thanks again everyone for all of your help.

It was a cold summer morning when Hestan followed his mother, Emerle, through the threshold and into the human lands. Long past harvest, the grain swayed heavily in the blood-red dawn as their horses plodded down the narrow path toward a small farm nestled between a trio of nearby hills. He didn’t want to be here, but rumors had reached the High Fey, bourne on the wings and clawed feet of the lesser that Emerle could not ignore.
Watching over her small form as they approached the barns and hovel, Hestan dropped his hand to the pommel of his sword. Humans could be just as trick-some as their immortal counterpart. The Lesser Fey’s reports were notoriously unreliable, but it was their sheer volume that stirred Emerle who then roused Hestan from his brooding to accompany her.

[This message has been edited by mommiller (edited May 04, 2006).]

And after reading the fragment several times, I'm very much of the opinion that we shouldn't yet know Emerle's name, because her name seems to muddle things up and I forgot (sadly) who we are supposed to be following. Anyway, most children think of their parents as Mom and Dad (or mother and father, ma or pa, what have you) and simply saying Mother will do wonders to unmuddle the intro whilst strengthening the POV of the apparent MC. Of course, perhaps the MC does call Mother "Emerle," and then it's perfectly fine to leave her name in, but I would hope it's developed later in the story why that is (maybe it's Fey thing).

Offhand thoughts..

You do a lot of telling, but I think you'd get people closer if you did more showing. It's cold, but how cold is it? What does the cold feel like?

I also think that your setence structure seems too verbose. The last sentence especially is a bit irksome. On the whole, I don't think I'd be hooked by this because I don't like the opening to introduce too many foreign concepts to me.

But I know many who would be..

The threshold is not clear. I take it they have just traveled from one land to another?

Naming Emerle so early in the paragraph takes away from my image of a child following his/her mother. It makes it seem too formal.

"...the grain swayed heavily in the blood-red dawn..." Dawn is not wind, nor is it's effect on things physical in the sense of movement. Saying that the "grain swayed heavily in the breeze, tinted pink in the blood-red light of dawn" might be more effective. At the same time however, red doesn't compliment the image of it being cold outside. I personally associate cold mornings with overcast clouds, or pale, diffused sunlight. Again, let us know how the MC feels. Show it. Can he/she see their breath? Are their muscles tense or aching? I don't know much about Fey's, but do they like the cold, or do they hate it? Even if you only describe the weather/surroundings in one sentence, if you add a few words here and there to other sentences to re-enforce it, it can be a tremendous mood-setter.

That second line also seems run-on somehow, but I think I am guilty also, looking back at what I just wrote.

Finally, the last line of paragraph two would be more effective at the tail end of paragraph one, so I agree with HSO there also.

>a small farm

Theirs? If not, whose, or why are they going there?

>He didn’t want to be here, but rumors had reached the High Fey, bourne on the wings and clawed feet of the lesser that Emerle could not ignore.

Argh! What rumors? What's a lesser? How does Hestan have access to things that reach the High Fey? This is maddening to me -- not knowing what rumors Hestan is reacting to.

>Watching over her small form as they approached the barns and hovel, Hestan dropped his hand to the pommel of his sword.

I thought Hestan was a farmer. I'm confused now as to what he is.

>Humans could be just as trick-some as their immortal counterpart.

Who is it that's human here -- Hestan, or some other group?

>The Lesser Fey’s reports were notoriously unreliable, but it was their sheer volume that stirred Emerle who then roused Hestan from his brooding to accompany her

>He didn’t want to be here, but rumors had reached the High Fey, bourne on the wings and clawed feet of the lesser that Emerle could not ignore.<

The last part of this sentence threw me. I read it a couple of times before I guessed that the clawed feet and wings belong to some kind of bird messanger--like an owl. If so, it would have followed this whole thing better if you had said that out right.

>Watching over her small form as they approached the barns and hovel, Hestan dropped his hand to the pommel of his sword.<

From the first paragraph I picture Hestan as a sulking little boy, not someone who out be carrying a sword or protecting his little mother.

And lastly, I agree with HSO that the last sentence should go at the end of paragraph one.

NoctivigantR, Survivor, and Kickle, the remainder is on its way and I look forward to reading you comments in getting this piece knocked into shape.

Thanks again.

I can add a thought that comes from growing up in a farming community. "Long past harvest, the grain swayed heavily..." Does this mean nobody bothered to harvest? And you might be more specific to which kind of grain you mean, because the way crops deteriorate if left untended varies with type. If gone that far, most would be brown and brittle and have lost their seed tops.

I think what you are trying to convey perhaps is that the growing season is off kilter... if so, I suggest you say so in specific words so we don't have to guess at your meaning, rather than vague references that may not be logical with how grain harvest actually happens.

When you say "bourne on the wings and clawed feet of the lesser that Emerle could not ignore," you lost me. My first question is: lesser WHAT? I presume you meant "Lesser Fey" which you said later in the paragraph. Don't wait to use the full name. I need to know that NOW.

I'm also confused because "Fey" is a term I equate with elves or elf-like creatures. I think tall, slender, perhaps hostile (to humans), immortal, but with human-like physical characteristics. You can step outside my pre-assumed imagery a little... but when you say they have claws and wings, I am thinking more in a gremlin gargoyle image. So at this point all my assumptions about what a "fey" creature is are obviously irrelevant and I'm back to the point that I am confused as to what these beings really are. Are the Lesser ones the same as the Greater ones? What are the differences? What makes one lesser?

I'm not fond of having a hyphen in "trick-some"... particularly since "tricksome" is a fine word without the adornment.

You say the "Lesser Fey's reports were notoriously unreliable, but it was their sheer volume..." What do you mean by that? The sheer numbers/volume of Lesser Fey? Or the sheer volume of reports? An easy fix; just say "it was the sheer volume of reports" or whatever... use the proper noun/name instead of a generic word like "it" and "their" when you have two subjects in a single thought/sentence.

As a newbie writer the distance between the picture in my head and the keyboard and electrons is farther than I think it is and I know clairity is not my strong suit at this point in my writing endeavors. I also have trouble in getting the right amount of information within the first 13 without going into "info-dump," mode.

Thanks again. Hopefully after this first round of critiques it will be more palatable with a second posting.

The reddish hue to the sky is greater in the evening than morning because the air to the west has been heated all day and convection currents carry a great deal of refractive material along with water vapor and other volatiles aloft. When the sun is just rising, typically all the intervening air has been heated for only a couple of hours at most and there isn't much moisture in the air. Where this is not the case it is likely that inclement weather will ensue...if there was ongoing convection during the night then the day will likely increase it and cause a storm pattern.

Hence the old saying "red sky at morning, sailor take warning."

I think if you read what I wrote a little more carefully you will find that I did NOT say that sunrises could not be colorful, I said that they are RELATIVELY colorless. I meant relatively colorless compared to sunsets. I can't even imagine a sunrise anywhere near as intense as sunsets I've seen. Of course, if you are into magenta and soft colors, maybe.