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Author Topic: "Between the Lines"--3500 words, fantasy
thexmedic
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Day 17 of the Portfolio, Annus Libris 372

Even though words are precious now, I have been charged to take this down. The Magister of my department has entrusted me with the last of our novels from which to chart these last days of our war, whatever their outcome. If my fellows and I complete our mission successfully then I hope to end them in the time honored fashion, where we all live happily ever after.
Today we left the safety of the Children’s department and entered the Library proper. While I have my novels, the others are armed only with thesauri and the remaining tomes of our encyclopedia.

Any thoughts? Anyone want to see the whole thing?


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kings_falcon
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How long is the story, genre and all that good stuff.

I'm confused.

While I know why your narrator is telling the story - he's been ordered to - I have no feel for his world or what he's actually doing.

Why are words precious now?

What department?

You mention a war and then switch topics. What war?

Fellows? I thought the charge was his.

Why is the Children's department safe?

While I think I like the idea, I need to know more to understand the story.


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wbriggs
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Ditto all that.
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Verloren
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In addition to the above comment, I also want to know why this is all so terribly important. I don't have a feel yet for the main character. I don't really know how he/she feels or what he/she is thinking. Which seems immensely strange since the whole thing is his/her thoughts. Basically, it seems like the backstory to what is really important.

Interesting idea, though, that could be very entertaining to read.

-V


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Max Masterson
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i basically agree with the points already stated. But the main thing I want to know is whether you have written much more of the story? I do like the idea but I imagine it would be hard to carry the idea's you have started through an entire story. at the moment I find it really hard to see a book as an effective weapon, but I would love to be proved wrong as, like I said, I like the idea of a diferent view of things we already think we know about (ie: books)
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Slartibartfast
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I'm completely hooked, but too confused and off balance. Shirley, there is another way to start this. But I'd love to read more.
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thexmedic
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Wow, speedy responses.

Story is complete, 2nd draft done. 3,500 words. Nominally fantasy. There's a Golem in it, so...

Pretty much all is revealed in short order, just not in the first 12. I take a massive info dump on about the 2nd/3rd page or so.

However, I tend to open poorly, so I shall mebee rethink how I've done it here.

Anyhoo, Slartibartfast (great handle), I shall send you a copy via the old email thingy and if anyone else wants to take a gander let me know.


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Survivor
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Did he just call you Shirley

I rather like it, I wasn't confused at all. And I'd like to see more.


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J
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Love to see more.
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