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Okay, this is my only attempt so far at science fiction, so bear in mind it is mostly so in setting only. It's actually a riddle-story of sorts.
Any takers for a critique can declare themselves.
Otherwise, deplore my cliche'd world-building and pick at my grammar. ^_^
The second draft is at 4000 words almost exactly right now. I anticipate it might go up eventually another 500 or 1000 (I have a scene or two to add) but not yet.

I'd give this a passing grade but I don't like the "dare devil access-man" bit. It'd be like saying "As talented as a multi-phonic harp player;" sure it sounds good but its really not nice to have the reader assume they know what you're talking about. I mean why should I,the reader, have to make the connection to what an "access-man" is in your fictional work nor should I wonder why 'electric blue' has to do with being one. I mean Midnight Purple, Dense Thicket Green or even plain jane black would do better for skulking, wouldn't it?

I also don't like that I don't know why she's up there but yet she's worried about her dignity. A desperate person is desperate and has no time for dignity. A trained person is trained thus believes the training to gives dignity despite odd movements.

Much of this first 13 strikes me as too much framing and not enough foundation work.

Isn't it funny how moving to a different sort of writing can help you back to infancy when it comes to technique? Well.

I thought this meant she had assumed the form of a cat, but then then later I thought that she was behaving like a cat. Confused me.

(I read somewhere that SF readers tend to take metaphors literally and it would seem that in this case I did. I think that means one has to make it clear it's a metaphor, when it is. But I'm learning too, so I could have gotten that wrong.)

"fingers lightly pulling against the lower rim, her feet like a runner's at the starting blocks. If she'd been in electric-blue,
she could have passed for a dare-devil access-man. "

I don't know what a dare-devil access-man is, sorry. And an electric-blue what? I was picturing a cat with electric-blue fur. This sentence baffled me and made me feel I was unlikely to understand the story, which of course loosens the hook.

And the reference to a runner threw me, because it's incongruent with how I imagine a cat's feet would be ... now I'm visualizing an electric-blue cat with Nikes!

"But Bobbi wasn't. She was just relying on her talent for mimicry, to be neither noticed nor pulled to the distant street."

For me this confirmed she's mimicing -- i.e. taking the form of -- a cat. Yet I wasn't sure and taking it all together I'm fairly sure she isn't.

"She took another of the odd reshuffling lunges forward so her left foot was front. Primates would have been proud of her form—knuckles down, hips rocking, brows low. "

I thought this was an odd turn of phrase because I don't associate primates with pride. And now I'm confused again because I had her pictured as cat-like, and she's gone ape.

"Forget dignity—she didn't want to fall. She didn't want to choose wrong about what to do once across. Three more lunges measured the last of the beam, and she straightened against the core of the complex-hub tower. "

Surely she's crawling or scrambling or walking along it, not measuring it.

"Below, spinning out around her center, the city went as far as the eye could see, spotted dark with aerator-trees,"

Her center? Do you mean the hub's center? ('Aerator-trees' offers a nice hint of off-worldliness or futurism.)

I'm vaguely hooked by the idea of someone scrambling around high above what sounds like a futuristic city, and I'm wondering why she doesn't want to be noticed.

I think I'd prefer one metaphor, either the cat, runner or ape. Jumping from one to another confuses my visualization of the scene.

Oh, and I think it's 14 lines.

Not that you had too many but that you were assuming I knew what it was you were comparing things too.

Odessey Workshop Writing tips on Smilies and Metaphors

I like your style but your metaphors are rather clunky because rather than helping to see your point better they make me think about what you wanted them to communicate.

As to how many lines you have you do have 14.

Courier font in 12 pitch is the "true" standard. The "fill the text box" option was developed by those who type primarily in word processors other than MS word such as Notepad.

My first F&F was cut by KDW. When I said it was 13 lines in Times new roman at 12 I was told that the font to use was courier.

quote:

---

She took another of the odd reshuffling lunges forward so her left foot was front. .... Forget dignity—she didn't want to fall.

---

Lunging seems an odd way to move forward on a beam. When I read that she's doing this as an attempt not to fall, I'm really having troubles believing this. I can think of a hundred different ways to get across a beam that are more secure than what I'm picturing her doing.

No, I guess I have to reserve that for the revision, huh? >.<
Thanks for your opinions. I felt this needed work but the story overall seemed solid. Maybe I need to rework the way I wrote it.

In the meanwhile, if you are willing to look over the whole thing to give me some more overall critiques I would appreciate it.

Clearly it won't bear much close stylistic scrutiny. xp

Here's a minor fix-up (not everything addressed):

Bobbi held her precarious cat's stance on the support beam, fingers lightly pulling against the lower rim, her feet like a runner's at the starting blocks. If she'd been in electric-blue, she might have passed for a dare-devil network tekkie. But Bobbi wasn't. one She was just relying on her talent for mimicry, to be neither noticed nor pulled to the distant street.
She took another reshuffling shift forward so her left foot was front. If anyone saw her out a window or up the streets, she knew she looked a little too inept. Primates would have been proud of her form—knuckles down, hips rocking, brows low. Forget dignity, though—she didn't want to fall. She didn't want to choose wrong about what to do once across.
Three more lunges measured the last of the beam, and she straightened against the core of the complex-hub tower.